Collsion
by byejlbye
Summary: James and Lily get together, but how? Maybe when they visit Lily's friends from her old school in colorado? Maybe when they come back for the last half of their school year? Read to find out.
1. New Beginning

Seventh year. Here it was. I just can't believe it. I mean when I go back to fourth year, fourteen, carefree, and my life was damn near perfect. That was until she came. A transfer student from America some place in Colorado. Falcon was where the school was, where she lived, from every concept it was her home, life, love everything. You could tell by the look in her eyes. She would never tell me any of this; the woman despises me to this day. But the moment I saw her, I knew, I just _knew_ that I was going to marry her. But she hates my guts and I don't really know why. Sure I can be a dick, I'm a _guy_ for God's sake!! I got lucky, Dumbledore had me, well us Marauders, to show her around cuz we knew the school like, well I don't know really but we knew it better than him he told us with a wink. I tried to get her to like me as a friend but she just seemed to get a 'bad vibe' from me, or from one of us she just took it as me I guess. But from the first day we met, two things we both knew:

I was already in love with her (Corny I know the whole look across a room and fall in love at first sight)

She was gonna do her best to make sure that I would never be with her (which totally makes me depressed but I'll get over everything she does, eventually)

In fifth year I fell harder and she was more determined to keep away from me than ever. Every time I got slapped, or hexed whichever she felt was more 'appropriate' at the time, yeah whatever. In sixth year some guy, ok well some _dumbass_ decided to ask her out, she declined politely and well lets just say that he didn't feel too well (or look for that matter) when I found out.

But this year, I wanted her to at least try to _not_ kill me. I was HeadBoy so we shared a common room and a bathroom (Which I am extremely pleased with, though I doubt she is) and I _will _be better, I swore to myself when I first looked at her on the train this morning.

"Prongs?" I felt a slight slap to my head as someone woke me from my stupor.

"Yeah?"

"Don't you need to go to the meeting with Moony?"

"Shit yeah, what time is it?"

"Twelve"

"Okay, I'm gonna go so I'm early, see ya later." And with a departing wave to my friends I left the compartment, weaving my way through dozens of people, praying as I approached some that they would ignore me. For now they did, but I didn't think they would for very long. I slowed as I reached the right compartment, gulping slightly I entered even more slowly. The moment I opened the door I head laughing and talking.

"And then he said, 'But Ash, you _have _to!' God, was he whining so bad that I almost gave in!" I heard my twin sister's happy voice and as I stepped forward I asked "Who said that to you my dear sister?"

"James, well you're early! How are you?" well she wasn't really my sister but we were cousins and we had the exact same birthday, only I was about five minutes older. She jumped up and flung her arms around me.

"I'm good, but can you let me breathe please?" I choked out

"Oh sorry, but really how are you I haven't seen you in like weeks!" she said happily as she nearly sprung away from me.

"I said I'm good, and who were you talking about?"

"None of you're business, _Potter_," a voice hissed at me.

"Hey Evans, sorry but I was talking to my sis here, not you," I said anger entwining my words, that even I was surprised at but, unlike Ash, I kept it hidden. Lily however grinned slightly in a satisfied way.

"Brother dear, er, um, she's right, I can't tell you sorry. Hey I should go cuz um, yeah prefects are coming," she finished her thoughts as almost a question.

"See ya Ash," Lily and I said together. Normally I would have pointed this out but it was just a weird day with her and I decided to ignore it and sit down.

"Evans," I started almost as cold as she had been earlier.

"What Potter? I really don't care, but I am surprised that you showed up early," she said with a smirk on her face.

"Well, we need to talk; I think that getting along this year would be best for both of us. We're the Heads well it might be better for Ash if her best friend and her brother, the two people she cares most about in this world, got along."

"Well, I am inclined to agree with you, as long as you don't ask me out this year."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that," I hissed at her. God I was scaring myself, not knowing when this side of me decided to show up but I knew it was going to stick around and I didn't like it, not one bit. But what choice did I have, if my brain decided to be a dick to her, well… than I guess I had to. I sighed inside while I stuck my hand out to her, a scowl present on my face.

Tentatively she reached out her own hand, we didn't even shake: it was just a brief grasp before I dropped my hand and turned to gaze out the window as the prefects started showing up. Soon the room was filled and Evans and I stood up at the head of the well, room on the train.

Evans (when did I start calling her that in my mind? Huh) began the meeting and when she paused I took over before dismissing them with a wave of hand and their passwords. Evans stared at me, dumbfounded as the room cleared.

"Well you didn't expect me to not help at all did you?"

She slowly nodded before she darted out of the room; I guess she forgot that all her stuff was in here as was Ashley's. I shook my head as I walked out and returned to my compartment.

I walked into mine and Evans' common room after the feast. Sure it had been great but I really wasn't up to anything but sleep, so off to bed I went mulling my actions over. I had _never_ been like that with Evans (DAMNIT why do I keep calling her that?) and I mean ever!

*

Sirius and I were passing notes in Muggle Studies right after breakfast that morning.

_**Dude you were way totally cold to Evans this morning, what's up**_

**Dunno but who gives a crap, she and I decided to be friends for the sake of Ash and well, so the school doesn't blow up seeing as we're practically living together now =]**

I added the smiley to make him think nothing was wrong, cuz really, nothing was. I _always_ added a smiley when we were passing notes about her.

"We won't be staying at Hogwarts this year class." I heard the professor say and I was suddenly paying attention.

"Wh-what do you mean, Sir?" Ash asked hesitantly.

"Well, last year the staff decided that we were going to go to a Muggle private school, well set one up anyway. It will be far from Hogwarts, but do not fret, we will still be teaching you magic, only there will be no Quidditch, but a sport football, your classes will be called different names and also some classes will be added, which sadly will cause all classes to be shorter as everyone will have to take one extra class. So if you have unpacked, I am sorry. But please, I know that by dinner when Professor Dumbledore announces it, the school will have already heard. You are the first to know. All Heads and Prefects will continue their same duties, only a few more may be added to the Heads' I daresay. I can tell you only that, so seeing as I have nothing else to say today, you're dismissed, oh and by the way, your only homework for the month is something you should all do today, spread the word," and then the Professor disappeared into his office. Instantly whispers broke out and Sirius shouted to James way above all the whispers, "Dude! Football is going to be so much fun! We get to purposely harm the other teams, like tackle them and shit! This is totally awesome!!!!"

"And the only home work for the month, Padfoot is to tell anyone and everyone!" he and I high-fived each other before dashing out the door and magicing (is that even a word?) really big posters and hanging them for all the school to see. So that by the beginning of second hour, everyone in the school. But what we didn't know was that not only was our school doing this, but this weird school in America would be joining us. Well when dinner came around, the Great Hall chattering about the Big News, Dumbledore shared the er, _useful_ information, my jaw dropped.

"As the only school in England to be participating, we will be joining the smallest school participating. This school is from Falcon Colorado and all of the school trying this will be putting their football teams against each other, we will be making the up the largest league I believe," he chuckled as many of us guys cheered.

"So, it will only be continuing for the first trimester, after which we will return to Hogwarts. And if all goes as planned, we may do this once every year or once every seven years. Now I wish you all to pack your things, we leave bright and early on the train, after which we will be taking a Muggle airplane to the new city and then we will take a train to the new school. I hope that you will take this opportunity to learn about those people who live just around the corner. Goodnight, sleep well." With a wave of his hand, we were dismissed among new chatter and I couldn't help but wonder how this was going to turn out. I mean really, we were going to America and joining another school, for only one trimester, for what? I couldn't figure it out, but I guess this was going to be interesting seeing as few of us actually know _how_ to play football. I knew though, that either Sirius or I was going to be captain.

**

The next morning as we boarded the train I heard someone yell my name.

"Yeah?" I replied as I turned towards it.

"Come sit with us Twin!" I laughed as I went to her compartment with my friends following me.

"Who's 'us' exactly?" Sirius asked her.

"Me and Lily."

My eyes lit up and I walked inside. She was sleeping , mumbling. I laughed as I stored my trunk, as well as my friends above our heads. As I turned to sit down, I realized the only open seat was across from Lily. For some reason I scowled at that. This really was going to be an odd year.

"Something wrong?" I heard Ashley ask me.

"Nah just tired. I think I'm going to go back to sleep." I closed my eyes as I leaned against the window. I really didn't want to sleep, I just had to think in peace. I mean, what the hell was wrong with me, when I was around Lily I acted as though I hated her but was trying to be her friend for the sake _of_ a friend, but when I was away from her, I still longed to be near her. I knew Remus was reading, Peter was sleeping, and I could hear Padfoot and Ash talking, and well flirting quietly so as not to wake their sleepy friends. I wanted to laugh as I heard one whisper in particular.

"What's wrong with James? I mean he so different around Lily now, know why?"

"Hmmm, well, um," I figured he would be scratching the back of his neck as he thought about it, "I really haven't got a clue. Maybe its new tactics cuz I know he still likes her, a lot. Or at least he's still obsessed with her."

Ashley giggled lightly. I felt the train slow and I wondered how I could have 'slept' for that long. But when I opened my eyes, we weren't at the regular station; we were near some big city with an airport I guessed. I stood and slowly shook Lily's arm to wake her. Padfoot was having fun waking up Wormtail.

"Lily, it's time to get up. We have to get on the plane." Slowly she opened her eyes. When she saw my face so close she nearly screamed. We all laughed.

"Come on, get up, we have a flight to catch." She seemed glued to her seat and the rest had already taken our trunks Moony with hers and Padfoot with mine. I sighed as I reached around her and picked her up. Her arms locked around my neck as she yelled, "What are you doing?"

"Well you were taking too long so well I made it go faster. We have to go and get our flight. We have a lay over in Atlanta Georgia before we get to Colorado. And as the Heads, and being that only us Seventh Years have the lay over, so our first plane leaves earlier, I figure we might want to hurry up." She was still in my arms as I walked to the front doors, following a small trickle of people seeing as the rest of the school had already gone in or was still on the train. I liked the way she felt in my arms, and I swore to myself that, no matter what happened, I would protect her to the best of my ability. I had told myself countless times that I would protect her, but here, as I held her slim body in my arms, I knew that I had to, there was no question about it. I loved her. So I wondered why I had been acting the way I had around her.

"Potter," her cold voice broke through my thoughts, "You do know that I can walk, right?" I quickly let her slide down my body so that she could stand and walk with me.

"Yeah, sorry."

She looked at me as though I was crazy. I shrugged as we approached the check in counter.

"What took you guys so long?" Padfoot asked us.

"Um, Evans, I mean Lily," I corrected myself as I took in Ashley's stern look, "Was practically glued to her seat so I had to pick her up and start walking before she would even talk, let alone walk." We all laughed as Lily blushed.

By the time we arrived at the new school, it had been nearly twenty four hours since we left the school. Cars were waiting at the airport to take us to the station where we got on the train, the first to arrive.

The school was huge but the first thing I wanted to do was find my room. I followed her to our room; she was looking at what seemed to be a map of the school. When we stopped at a portrait, we both heard someone call her name, and we turned to see….


	2. Hello

**Hello**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot of this story and some names. But the rest is all hers. Oh and I don't own the titles. They belong to the wonderful artists who sing those wonderful songs!**

"_Brett?_ Oh my God! I missed you!! How are? How is everyone? What's been going on?"

"Whoa Lils, calm down, breathe" this boy said as he approached, his arms spread wide. She ran into them and as they hugged, he picked her up and swung her around.

As he set her down he replied, "I'm good, I'm pretty sure we all are. And nothing much has been going on. Well except, um Lydia's mom got that cancer again in fifth, and well, she passed at the end of fifth."

James felt like an intruder as he slightly cleared his throat after a moment of silence.

"Um," he stuck out his hand, "I'm James Potter, and well I'm sorry about your friend's mom, mine passed around the same time. So I kinda know how she feels."

The boy shook his hand and replied, "Brett DeGeorge and if you don't mind me asking how did she… er well pass on?"

"Voldemort tortured her cuz she wouldn't tell him where my dad was and then he used the killing curse."

"Oh," awkward silence followed this statement. Lily stood, watching in wonder at the conversation between her best friend in the world and her worst nightmare. She knew his mother had been murdered but she thought it had been because she was a great Auror and she didn't know that Voldemort had personally killed her, she had passed it off as one of his minions.

Then out of the blue, Brett moved closer to him and the boys embraced as if they were old friends. She stood, her mouth agape, as they pulled apart. James chuckled and said, "Are you trying to catch flies or something, Evans?" then he stepped closer to her and pushed her mouth closed with his index finger.

"Oh and can you tell me the password so I can get in? I'm kinda tired." His voice seemed a little mean.

"Oh, you two are the other Heads?" Brett interrupted.

"Yeah," James answered as he turned to look at him, "And Lily doesn't really like it cuz she hates me but, oh well. You one of the Heads from Falcon?"

Brett nodded, confusion written all over his face.

"It's Phoenix. But you're at the wrong portrait. It's down to the left a little, come on." James face froze in that straight look as he saw Brett grab Lily's hand and took off. As they stood in front of a football stadium, with four people on it, one asked, "Password" as they continued to play.

"Phoenix." Brett replied as he dropped Lily's hand. The three entered and James smiled. He knew which of the four rooms was his without even looking inside. He took a brief look at the common room, four chairs, two couches and a big fireplace, as he crossed to his room.

"Goodnight," he said as he slipped into his room, not even bothering with the light.

Lily stood surprised that he hadn't even said goodnight to her. She didn't know if she was disappointed or happy. Really, she was used to the attention he gave her. Every night he had always shouted for the whole common room to hear "Goodnight my flower!" she had scowled and would continue up the stairs. She hadn't realized how deep into her memories she had been until she felt Brett plop on the couch beside her.

"I see he's got your head wrapped up. Are you too consumed by him to talk to your best friend you haven't seen in like three years?" when she saw the look she was giving him, anger at the mention of James, and happiness at being there with him again he quickly said, "I was kidding about the whole 'consumed' with him thing you know."

She laughed at him and said quietly, "Don't be, I was sorta wrapped in my head. I've been, let's see, how to put it? Confused I think would be the best word. I mean, I'm used to him falling all over me and professing his love for me that kinda thing. I realized when he didn't say goodnight to me, the way he normally does, that well the last few days he hasn't really done any of that. I'm not sure if I'm glad he finally realized that I'm not going to date him or… upset would be the best word I think, upset that now I'm not someone's whole world, getting all the attention of like a queen." Brett look surprised at her 'speech' so he just kept his mouth shut. He knew it wasn't that the boy had stopped liking her, but the pain she caused him was no longer bearable so he had finally decided to stop pursuing her vigorously. So he remained silent as Lily looked at him, seeming to hope for some advice.

"Lils," he said as she continued to stare at him, "I don't know the guy at all, so I couldn't tell you."

"But you were acting like old friends in the hall!" she protested quietly, not wanting to wake their two sleeping roommates.

"That's just a guy thing. There's nothing to it. I mean what was I supposed to do, stand there and looked like a stupid gay dude or be a nice guy? The guy fucking told me his mother was murdered and by the looks of it, he said more than you yourself even knew. He seems like a nice guy to me. Well goodnight, we have to get up early tomorrow morning." With that he left her alone to wonder about two boys.

When James woke around five a.m. he went to one of the bathrooms to take a shower before his morning walk. He didn't get too sweaty from just walking, plus he loved to watch the sun rise. When he walked out of the room he noticed two things at once, one, Brett was walking toward the bathroom and two, someone was sleeping on the couch.

"Morning," Brett yawned at him, smiling, "I didn't think anyone besides me got up this early."

"Me and Padfoot always go on a morning walk. Well he runs and I walk anyways. So we always get up early."

"Mind if I join you? I take a morning jog, that's why I'm up." James nodded as he approached Lily, he didn't want to wake her. Brett looked at James as he walked to the bathroom, smiling. As he closed the bathroom door he whispered, "He's good for you Lils."

James smiled at the beautiful woman that lay before him, her red hair fanning out across her face and the couch. He really didn't know what he was doing as he picked her up gently and crossed the room to one of the doors he peeked in it and saw another pretty girl, streaked blonde hair surrounding her head, laying peacefully asleep so he closed the door quietly, turning to the one he knew had to be Lily's. He opened it and walked toward the red and black dressed bed. He carefully pulled back the red comforter, setting her on black sheets, before covering her with the blanket. He walked away, softly closing the door behind him before going to wait on the couch for Brett.

"Hey Padfoot, this is Brett DeGeorge, an old friend of Evans' and the other Head dude. Brett this is my best friend Sirius."

Brett stuck out his hand and laughed as he said, "Well I'm glad your real name isn't Padfoot. I hope you don't mind me joining you."

"Nah James isn't that good of company anyways, he tends to, enjoy the sunrise rather than exercise. He walks, I run." He let out a bark like laugh as he dropped the boy's hand.

"Hmm, you're a dog animagus aren't you?" Brett very nearly whispered

"Erm, how di-did you kn-know?" Sirius stuttered, amazed that the man had known him all of two minutes and could guess something that many people who had known him for years couldn't guess.

"Well, I suppose you could say that, from one to another, it's easier to distinguish those that hide in plain sight, right?"

Sirius nodded slowly. Then he looked at his best friend, worried.

"Oh don't worry, your secrets are safe. Wormtail, he must be a rat, Prongs, that's you right James?" James nodded stunned; "Would be a stag correct?" again James just nodded.

"So that leaves Moony to be the werewolf. Poor guy. But I guess Remus must be happy to have friends like you," Brett smiled gently at them before he started to jog away.

Sirius stood frozen for a moment before he went to catch up to him.

"How the hell did you know all that, our names and the nicknames?"

"James' door, they're carved into the wood. I'm just observant that's all." He shrugged before continuing, "Besides, I'm illegal to so I kinda felt that something was odd when you guys arrived. I put pieces together very fast. Such as James is in love with Lily but he's kinda given up on her cuz she's refused and he finally figured out that she'll never go out with him. Which by the way was very smart of him, I give it three months tops before they're together."

"Wow." That was all Sirius could say, James was walking behind them, so he didn't hear what they were saying as they pulled farther away from him.

"But don't tell him that, otherwise he'll go after her and then she'll never go with him."

"So let me guess, you're one of those goody-goodies who is super smart and adored by all the teachers?"

"Far from, Padfoot," Sirius didn't mind the use of his nickname, it just worked with this guy, "I'm actually the biggest trouble maker, but I get away with it. All my teachers like me so they usually shrug off all the bad shit they catch me doing. But none of them know that I'm an animagus. That I'd probably get turned in for, but umm, I'm top in my class so that might help explain it. But then they would want to know _why _I did it and that would just bring up awkward questions. See I didn't do it for a friend, like you guys, I had other reasons," he chuckled darkly at that statement he had made.

"I don't see how you could be Lily's best friend," Sirius laughed.

"Why not?"

"Cuz you both talk so damn much if any stuck you two in a room together, it would be a constant buzz, or rather shout of words."

"Nah, I can tell you for sure that _that _wouldn't happen. I'm going to head in, see you at breakfast. Oh and tell Moony and Wormtail. They should know that I know."

Sirius watched this new guy jog up to a building and all he could think was, _"What the __**hell **__just happened?"_

Brett sat down next to the Marauders around seven-thirty that morning. He was silent as he put food on his plate. The Marauders stared at him for a while before he looked up to meet their eyes.

"What?" he asked before putting a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

"Um," Sirius said as he looked at Remus, not knowing what to say.

"How the hell do you figure something like _that_ out by looking at the names carved into a door?" Remus whispered menacingly, obviously thinking that James had let something slip to him.

"Look, James didn't say anything," he knew that Remus wouldn't like the use of their nicknames at the moment, "I knew for well, two reasons, the door just kinda made me sure. Look I'll tell you later, when were not surrounded by a bunch of people. Good morning Lils," he finished saying the last part loudly so as to tell them that she and others were now coming. Lily was only a few feet from them so she replied, "Good morning to you too," as she sat next to him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Brett saw the flash in his eyes before a stoic look over came his features. Another girl came and sat next to Lily as a few other guys sat in that same area, all call a "Good morning" to Brett which he always responded to.

"So you must be Ashley, right?" he said as Ashley sat down. She nodded, totally confused as to how he knew who she was.

"Brett DeGeorge. I'd shake your hand but Lily here, seems to be in the way. Oh hey Colin, Bryan." Two boys sat across from him.

"See you've already met the new crazies," Colin said as he flashed a smile at Ashley, "How you been Lil?" he said to Lily.

"Good, this is my best friend, Ashley, her cousin, but they call themselves Twins, James Potter, his best friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Guys, these two dorks are my good friends Colin Kunau and Bryan Lupton." Lily happily introduced everyone pointing to each person as she said their names.

"What's up?" Colin said as he nodded to the boys, before flashing another charming smile at Ashley. Bryan just nodded sleepily. Ashley seemed to realize something as he smiled at her. She smiled back but it was more of a confused smile. She cocked her head to the right slightly before she said, "Why did you call us 'the crazies'?"

"Oh, um…" everyone laughed at the totally surprised look on his face, "Well, see… uh,"

Brett interrupted him and answered, "He calls all of Lily's friends that, he seems to think we all lost it," everyone chuckled as Colin looked at him angrily.

"But you seem to forget that I willingly put myself in that category. Oh and by the way," he turned once more to face Ashley, "I called you the _new _crazies, so there."

Everyone laughed again as McGonagall approached with their schedules. Noticing the other students she said, "All Seventh Years will be taught by the Hogwarts staff," before she headed off to the next group.

"Shit!" Sirius exclaimed as he pounded his fist on the table, staring at the schedule.

"What?" Lily asked as she saw the same look on the other Marauders faces.

"Well, we had flying lessons in first year, so I guess they decided to give us football lessons now. And lucky us, they're with the fucking Slytherins." Sirius ranted. Lily looked at her schedule, noticing the _lack_ of football lessons. She slumped in her seat, "Damn, they're not going to let us play! And that's what I was looking forward to the second most of this!" the boys and Ashley just stared at her.

"What?" she asked as a book bag slammed moodily onto the table.

"Tell me about. I mean I love being manager and all but seriously… ugh!" Brett, Bryan and Colin all laughed at the stunned look on the faces surrounding them.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Josi. I managed the football team for two years before I got my letter."

"Well, I assume they could have guessed that you managed the team before," Brett said chuckling. She slapped him on the back of his head before she said happily, "I'm not going to talk to you for the rest of the day. Anywho, who the hell are you people?" she asked bluntly.

As they headed off to class, three boys watched three girls, completely mesmerized by them.

Author's note: hey you know who two of them are, or atleast I hope you do, but can you guess the third? I really hope you like it leave me a review!! Any criticisms are wanted! I want my first fic to be the best I can make it. =]


	3. The Reason

**The Reason**

**Disclaimer: Hey yeah, my name is not J.K. Rowling, and I have not written a multimillion, or maybe quite possibly multibillion dollar series, so well, I don't own anything you recognize sadly =[**

"So, who's the other Head?" Sirius asked Brett.

"Josi," James replied, not realizing what he said. As they stared at him, he felt heat rise to his cheeks, he realized that he should not have known.

"How the hell do you know that? She went to bed long before you got here and I don't remember mentioning it to anyone," Brett whispered furiously as they were supposed to be listening to their History teacher (It was History of Magic but the name was changed) and taking notes. Remus looked up from his notes, listening to the conversation.

"Well Lily fell asleep on the couch last night so this morning I brought her to her room. I kinda opened her door cuz I didn't know which was Lily's. I saw her face is all, and speaking of not mentioning things that are somehow known…. When are we gonna get that explanation?" James glared at Brett no longer stumbling over his words.

Brett didn't hesitate for a second as he responded, "I told you I would explain when there weren't people all around. Meet me in the Heads' common room round seven. Lily will be studying in the library."

"What about Josi?" Peter asked, putting in his two cents.

"Erm, well, about that, see, she kinda knows…" at the look of the four boys faces he hurriedly added, "I'll explain then, no I didn't tell, I told you I wouldn't tell anyone and that I hadn't."

For the Marauders, the day seemed to drag on, no more was mentioned about their meeting, so that Lily wouldn't find out, or Ashley. As the boys headed off to football lessons, the girls went to HomeEc, Josi grumbling about how she already learned all that shit.

"Okay boys," a buff man looking to be only thirty addressed the fifty or so students that surrounded him, "I am going to teach you football. So of you may already know it. We will hit, _**hard**_, we will make our opponents wish they had never even stepped foot on a football field. We will practice four nights a week and Saturday mornings. We already have three managers for the team. I will not permit the use of magic to anyone of you. _Only_ coaches and managers will have their wands at practice. Of course your wands would break if you ever carried it with you onto the field. You will _not _fail classes; you will not _harm_ other students. Or, you _**will**_ be suspended from the team. Some of you may not wish to join us, and if you don't, I ask that you leave at this moment." All but five of the Slytherins left and only half of the Gryffindors remained. All the students from the other school remained, all hanging on to every word coming out of this man's mouth. James wanted to laugh but at a sharp look from Brett he didn't.

"Wimps," the coach said loudly, but only so that those remaining heard him.

"Tomorrow you will get your gear. You will learn how to treat it, but now the rules of the game…"

"Wow," was all Sirius could say, "Wow,"

"Padfoot! Shut the hell up would ya? I'm just as amazed as you are. I didn't think it was _that_ complicated but…" James left his sentence hanging as Lily walked into the Head's common room. James looked at the clock, 6:50. He wasn't sure if Brett was going to show up and he sure as hell wasn't sure if Lily was going to be there. But ten minutes later, Brett walked in, he held the portrait open as Lily walked out, books in hand as she smiled at him.

James looked surprised at the exact timing before he slumped into a stoic expression. Sirius looked confused as he turned to face his friend.

"Hey, umm so I figure we should get this over with," Brett slowly. He motioned for Remus and Peter to sit just as Josi walked in.

"Hey," she said as she sat on the arm of Brett's chair, "So I'm gonna assume that Brett hasn't told you anything," the boys nodded.

"Okay, so we knew cuz first off, I'm a fox and he's a panther, second we could both smell you, well your animals, and third I'm a Seer. Now that _that's_ all cleared up, what do you guys wanna do?"

"Well, your blunt," Remus pointed out, she just shrugged in response.

"Wait, so you know why we became Animagus' so will you tell us?" Peter asked, and James and Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Well, you know, I'm sort of surprised that you didn't notice anything weird, oh and by the way, I was joking when I said I was a Seer."

"Well, I sorta figured you weren't," Sirius replied.

"Well, did you realize that I was one then? Or something to that effect?" Brett asked, sincerity slithering over his words. The four boys stared at him, dumbfounded. They all turned to look at Josi as she burst out in peals of laughter.

"I'm sorry," she struggled to say as she tried to calm herself, "But you should have seen the looks on your faces. I mean a Seer isn't _that_ rare." She continued to giggle slightly as Remus asked, "What do you mean, 'something to that effect'?"

"Well, see I don't make prophecies. But I still see the future. Once someone makes a decision, I can see what will happen to them, as long as they stick with that decision. But once they change their mind, their whole future shifts. That's part of how I knew what you were."  
"So Josi could only have suspicions, which means that you had to tell her!" Sirius exclaimed, outraged.

"Hold your horses, dillweed. Let me finish. See we don't know why, but, well…"

"Oh just tell them Brett," Josi exclaimed, exasperated. When he just looked at her, she shrugged, "Fine, okay we don't really understand, or even have the slightest inkling as to _why_ but, some of his 'visions' as he calls them, I see too. Dunno why, buuuuut who really cares?" she finished with a smile on her face, one that could give the Marauders a run for their money.

"Okay, but before we do anything else, like pranking,' James said with a glint in his eyes, "I want to know why you guys became Animagi." Brett gave Josi an uneasy glance. She shrugged before sliding off the arm and into his lap. Only James saw the look in _his _eyes as she started to speak. It was a look he was all too familiar with.

"Well, I started when I was, oh twelve. My family is pretty shitty, well to me anyway. They all get along great. I happen to be the oddball." She smiled fondly at the word, confusing the boys. "So I came home for the summer and decided to get some more books, cuz I love reading. La de da and I found out about Animagi, so I decided to become one and by the end of fourth, when my parents decided to make me move, I was one. Yay!" the boys started edge away from her now, and she smiled at them before continuing.

"So I came here and met Brett, and to my surprise, he was trying to become one. I helped him and here we are. Ok let's go pull a prank!" She said as she stood, grabbing James hand, and tried to pull him out of the room, hoping the others would follow.

"Wait, now hold on a minute," Peter pointed out, "We don't know why Brett decided to be one."

"Well we know why she became one, I say that's good enough," James replied as he looked Brett directly in the eyes, seeing something he was sure none of them had seen, again. He knew that his reasons were not supposed to be known, they couldn't be yet.

"So what are we waiting for?" Sirius shouted before running out with Josi, Remus followed with Peter at a much more leisurely pace. As Brett moved to follow, James grabbed his shoulder.

"I know that you don't want to tell us," James started to say but Brett interrupted, "It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's just, I've been advised not to tell anyone that doesn't need to know, people that, well that aren't family. I… I can't take the risk, and I'm sorry. I really wish I could tell you guys, but it's even better for your safety that I don't. I'm sorry." James saw the authenticity of his statements burning in his eyes. James smiled and clapped him on the back as they walked out.

"So, can I ask you a question?" Brett jokingly inched away from him as he nodded.

"How long have you been in love with a certain Miss Lillion?" Brett stared at him before bursting into protests.

"I'm not in love with her; she's just a friend, my best friend. Oh God don't tell Lily that. But really, we're just friends, that's all we'll ever be," James noticed the submissive tone in his voice, the pain that was hidden deep beneath. So he didn't push the matter, instead he laughed as he asked, "Why can't I tell Evans?"

Brett raised his eyebrow at the use of her last name, but answered his question, "You see she seems to think that I'm her bestest friend in the world, and that she's mine, but it's nowhere close to that, it never has been. Well actually she thinks she's in love with me but she pretends to play it off as were best friends, you know?

"She doesn't realize that she doesn't even care for me as that much of a friend, let alone more. She does love someone; she just doesn't see it yet. Besides, she can, and _will _do much better than me. I'm not the guy who gets to get married and lives happily ever after with a wife and three kids. I won't _let_ myself be." James wondered why but knew he shouldn't ask. Besides, Brett knew his future better than anyone, he knew every one _else's_ better than they themselves. They continued on towards their friends in silence, both thinking what the other had said.

"Hey," Ashley turned her head at the sound, before replying with her own happy, "Hello."

"Why are you so happy, Ash?" Lily asked as she laughed. Ashley slightly nodded to a table of boys, most were Ravenclaws but there were a few Gryffindor and at the very end were four boys that had sat at their table during the meals. Bryan, Colin, _Alex and David_ she remembered, were the boys that Ashley had nodded to.

"Which one? Colin, Bryan, or maybe Alex? Possibly David?" Lily whispered so as not to let any one know what she said. Ashley gave her a questioning look.

"Blonde streaked brown hair is Colin, Bryan has the shaggy brown hair and is a little short, Alex has shaggy brown hair, very tall and muscular with glasses, and David the way tanned, black haired boy." When Ashley didn't reply, just stared off into the distance, Lily shook her head and walked slowly over to the boys. The girl with curly brown hair had alarm written across her face, as if what the redhead did would bring doom upon them all.

"Hey guys," Lily started, glancing behind to look at her friend's face, "Do you wanna come work with me and Ash?" the boys looked to Ashley who blushed slightly, dropping her gaze to the black book in front of her. Colin laughed as David instantly stood up, gathering his things.

"Sure," Alex replied in a voice, smooth as silk, as they gathered their work. Bryan hesitated for a moment before walking towards the table. As Lily sat down next to Ashley, she received an uneasy glance from Bryan. It wasn't one that said anything about _him_ being uneasy around her, but more of the _other_ guys being around her, with a reassuring nod from Lily he sat.

As they began to study with whispered words here and there, Ashley began to loose focus. The words she read were boring, thus allowing her mind to wander back to what it had before.

When Lily had asked her, she had nodded in the direction of the boys, true, but she had meant she was thinking about the people here, not specifically _those_ people. But hey, they were pretty cute so why not? She wondered what to would be like to have never even heard of Voldemort as many of the Americans, to have never suffered the pain caused by the bloody bastard. Tears started to well in her eyes as she thought about how she had suffered in the past years, all those she had lost, all the curses that fell upon her by the hand of evil. She wished she could just run away from it, stay here, free from the pain he caused. She didn't realize that she was crying until she felt a hand gently brush away her tears. She broke out of her reverie to see that only Colin remained with his hand near her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern rippling across his face, his brows furrowed. She shrugged in response, not really wanting to tell him the stories of her life. But as she lifted her shoulders, a racking sob took hold of her and she started coughing as the tears became a waterfall upon her face. Instantly he had her in his arms, and he cradled her body next to his.

"I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing," he whispered in her ear. She shook her head until it hurt, as tears rolled down her face and pain rolled through her like the waves crashing upon the shore. So he took her to the one place he knew of where she could cry in peace. He had been wondering since the start of _his_ term three weeks ago and had found it. He walked to the third floor, just above the library, and stood in front of a statue of the Head Professors. Colin thought that they had put it there to confuse the students. He sat upon one of the empty chairs beside them and wished for the room. He wished for a place that could take them away, so that she could let her pain dissipate.

Ashley looked around as she felt a tug upon her body. She saw two couches and a big bed. There was a large fireplace, surrounded with stones, that warmed and lit the large room. Colin started walking towards one of the couches, as tears silently fell from her face. He held her body close to his for a moment before setting her on the couch. He sat near her head, and whispered, "The bed is so if you want to go to sleep here, or if it's more comfortable, you can." She nodded her head as she slid her body up closer to his and laid her head in his lap. He gently stoked her hair, not caring that now his shirt and his pants were soaked with her tears. For hours they stayed that way, not caring that their friends might be sick with worry, not caring that they scarcely knew each other, not caring that they knew not of each others' pain, not knowing that the same man had destroyed both of their lives with out a second thought.

Slowly, Ashley pulled herself off, pulling Colin out of his stupor. He gave her a strange look, wondering what she was doing, as she sat up, moving closer to him.

"Thank you," she whispered, "You don't even know what's wrong, and you didn't even ask again when I told you nothing. Thanks." She smiled up at him, with her tear streaked face no more than an inch away from his grief filled one. For a few moments he said nothing as she stared at him.

"Why should I have to know? It's none of my business. Besides, I hate it when people ask me what's wrong, when they demand an answer. It is none of their business why I'm upset, none at all. I figure I don't push, you don't push." She nodded slightly, noticing the empty look that stained his features.

"You don't have to answer, but I think I should get to ask, since you asked me," she trailed off, knowing he had understood her. He stared into the fire, watching the flames dance and leap, before he laughed a hollow laugh.

"I love fire; it's always so joyous and happy, even when it causes the pain surrounding it. No matter what, the fire leaps and dances, giving light to some, while throwing other's into the darkness. It's the one thing he can't hurt. He can hurt the forests, the wizards, the Muggles, he can hurt objects, he can hurt the water, polluting it with those whom he has resurrected, but never can he hurt fire. He can use it to hurt other things, but never fire itself. It's the only thing he hasn't used to hurt me. He drowned my sister, made my mother bleed to death after he let one of his _men,_" he hissed the word, "rape her, making my father watch before sending him into agony. He put the _Crucio _curse on him so many times, so powerfully, that he died. He turned my brother into one of him, a Death Eater. He has used so many curses on me, so many times, that I could never even remember a quarter of them. All I can remember is the night he took everything from me.

I was about to be in Third Year, in a small school around Hogwarts. Dumbledore had offered for me to come to Hogwarts but I told him I couldn't stand seeing the place where I lost everything. He sent me here to live with my aunt and uncle. And seeing you cry, I could see that it was _his_ fault, and that brought on the memories." Ashley was surprised at how he had told her what he _had_. But as she stared into the fire, listening to his words over again in her head, she realized he was right. The fire was all that was safe from Voldemort. Even the water wasn't safe, what with the dead resting there until he called them from their sleep.

"I wish I couldn't say I understand, but I do. He made my father murder my mother, while he was under the Imperious curse. He took the curse off and my father, not thinking, killed himself, horrified at what he had done. He seemed nearly happy as I watched him murdered my little sister. Then he looked me straight in the eye. His eyes still haunt my dreams, red slits, getting darker and darker. I had owled Dumbledore the letter we always had on hand. My parents were always prepared. And just as Voldemort put me under the Cruciatous curse, Aurors came with Dumbledore. And then he was gone. Ever since, I spend the breaks with James. But now he's after James and my aunt and uncle. He's even after my best friend. He burned her parents and her house down about a month before the end of Sixth Year. Now her sister hates her, and I offered for her to stay with us over summer, 'cause I knew my aunt wouldn't mind and she did, but she hated James the whole way." She took a deep, shaky breath before continuing.

"In the library, I was thinking about how the Americans never have to suffer the way we do, they don't have Voldemort knocking, no they have Mr. Opportunity. _They_ don't see death and destruction on a daily basis, _they_ don't see the pain in everyone's eyes, _they_ don't feel hurt and hear the screams of loved ones every night. _They_ don't wake up every morning hoping not to have their family in the paper, _they_ don't pray to God for it to be some else's family hurt, and then hate themselves for it. They don't feel the blood, the pain, the death that surrounds us everywhere we go. When we get the _Daily Prophet_, we don't even _want_ to take it from the owl, we don't _want_ to see how England is, but we **must**, we **have** to know that our hearts are safe in their homes. Even if it's only for a short while." She stopped talking, realizing she had been ranting about Voldemort and nearly _blaming_ it on the Americans. Colin looked at the clock, not saying anything to her. It was nearly three o'clock in the morning.

"We should turn in," he said quietly. He stood, pulling her up before he headed to the door. He waited expectantly for her. Slowly she walked towards the bed, and as he opened the door, she asked, "Aren't you going to stay?"

**Author's Note: **Reviewplease!!!! Gah I know its not that interesting yet but I'm still kinda introducing everything. But first game is in a few chapters EYAY!!!!


	4. Fight

**DISCLAIMER: I'm not J.K. Rowling, cuz then I would never ask the following question: **_Where is my emo corner?_

"Brett!!" the sleeping brown haired boy heard as his door flew open, "Time to get up!" a million different shades of blonde hair surrounded his face as she jumped onto his bed, her head falling next to his. Josi smiled as she brushed her hair from his face. "Look Mr., we have got to get to practice. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and today so happens to be Saturday. So get your lazy ass outta bed and get to the field."

"What time is it?"

"Hmm, like seven. So hurry up!"

"SEVEN!!" Brett shouted sitting up, "You crazy lunatic!! I don't have to be to the field for another two hours!!!"

"But I wanna toss the ball around and you're the only one of us who will," she whined, throwing her arms in the air, "Bryan, Alex and David won't, I can't find Colin, and Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail I doubt even know how! Pretty please?" she gave him her puppy face and he fell onto his back, sighing. She rolled onto him, in a friendly way as she begged him again.

"Pretty please? You know you want to," she said smiling at him. He pushed her off of him and rolled on top of her and said, "As long as you promise to never wake me up two hours before practice again. I get up an hour before practice on Saturdays. Got it?" she sighed and nodded.

"Good," he pulled himself off of her, resisting the urge to kiss her, "Now get out so I can change." She got off his bed, smiling happily, before she skipped out of his room, humming slightly. He shook his head as he made his bed, still in his boxers. A voice startled him.

"Still can't figure out why you do," James said, "I mean, really she is _way_ too loony for my tastes." He chuckled as Brett turned to face him.

"Why the hell are you in my room, especially this early in the morning?"

"Well, I figured since me and my friends don't really know how to play the game, I was wondering if you could show us before practice. But hey, if you've already got plans, than we'll go find someone else."

"Nah, Josi'll give anything to show you up, er I mean help you get better at what she considers the best sport in the world." James was laughing as he headed back into their connecting bathroom. Brett was getting clothes out of his dresser as James popped his head back through the door.

"By the way, I'll just pretend I didn't see anything this morning," with a wink he closed the door. Brett quickly changed into some shorts and a short-sleeve shirt before heading out his door.

"Hey, you ready?" Josi asked as he went to walk out the portrait. He jumped at her voice not realizing she was on the couch.

"After breakfast, of course."

"Oh of course," she smiled as she walked up to him, "Prongs tells me that I get to help him get better at the Game." Brett nodded, not really paying any attention to what she was saying. Normally he was hanging on to every word, just not acting like it. He pretended that he was barely listening to what she said so that no one would realize how he felt about her. He really wasn't sure how James had figured it out. Brett had only thought that he really liked her, but when James had asked how long he had loved her… it had been absurd when he said it, but as he lay in bed that night, he had known that James was right. He really did….

"Hello? Anybody in there?" Josi broke him out of his stupor as she waved her hand in front of his face.

"Oh, sorry. What did you say?"

"I said that we should prolly eat first right?"

"Oh, um yeah sure."

"Good, so sit and let's eat," she said uncertainly as she shoved him into a seat. She sat next to him, silent for only a moment before the Marauders and Bryan sat down across from them, and Lily, David and Alex on her side.

"Has anyone seen Colin or Ashley? I went to find them this morning but he wasn't in your dorm and Ashley wasn't in the girls' dorm when I woke Lily up…" Josi left her sentence hanging at the looks exchanged between Lily, Alex, Bryan and David.

"Alright. What the _hell_ is going on?" she asked, setting her fork down.

"Well, we all finished studying earlier yesterday and we left Ash and Colin in the library together and well I don't think we've seen them since…." David said in a strong voice.

"You know it's not very nice to talk about people behind their backs, especially when they're behind yours," Ashley laughed as she stood behind Brett and Colin behind Sirius.

"Well, where the hell were you Twin?" James asked, anger twisting in his words.

"Umm….. I'm not really sure, where were we Colin?" James turned to Colin fury spilling across his face. Colin held his hands up in innocence.

"Dude, nothing happened. She was cr… er upset so I was going to take her to the Hospital Wing to get one of those weird potions, don't member what they're called, but they make you all like, not sad anymore. Pepper-up potion! Yeah that's what they're called. But well she didn't want to go and I didn't think that she would want to go to the common room like that so I took her to a secret room I found, so I figured she wouldn't be bothered and we kinda just fell asleep. Nothing happened, I swear."

"What secret room?" James asked, instantly intrigued, totally forgetting his anger at the prospect of a special room that sounded much like the Room of Requirement

"I'll show you later, but I heard that we were going to practice before practice right?" he looked very eager at the prospect.

"We can go now," Josi replied. The passion that filled her eyes made them seem to glow a light blue with happiness.

"Sure," Brett replied easily, as he stood waiting for her to get off the bench, along with everyone although his attention seemed to linger on her, "Are you guys coming?"

With mumbled yeses everyone stood, the boys all carrying toast in their hands. Lily seemed happy to come and Ashley was talking to Colin not really seeming to care where they went.

As they walked down to field, James was watching Lily as he talked to Sirius Remus and Peter. Lily was watching Brett, watching with jealousy as he talked to Josi, while she talked with David Bryan and Alex.

"So, what happened to Lydia? Brett told me her mom passed in fifth but that was it?" only Bryan noticed that every conversation she had, she dragged his name into it.

"Oh, well, she moved after that. She seemed happy to leave, and she is happy every time we talk to her. Soooo, yeah."

"Oh, okay. So what all positions are you trying for?"

"Running-back," David said instantly.

"Hmm, tight or split end, maybe something in the back field, not really sure."

"Center."

"Figured as much, you guys haven't really changed positions since, like ever. Bryan you've been center since you were like ten or eleven, and well you two just seem to fit only what I've seen you play since we were like twelve thirteen," Lily smiled happily as she continued to watch Brett and Josi.

"So why did you tell me no one else wanted to play when you woke me up oh so rudely this morning?" Brett asked as he put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him as she replied, "Cuz then you wouldn't have gotten up, duh," he wasn't going to add that as long as she woke him up like _that_ every morning he wouldn't mind.

"Ugh, I hate you," he said as he shoved her away, accidentally into Ashley, who fell into Colin, who face planted at the back of James' feet.

"Ow," was all he said as he pushed himself off the ground, to the giggling girls and barking boys. He glared at Brett before tacking him to the ground. Ashley and Lily were yelling at them to stop before they hurt each other while everyone else just laughed. Lily turned to Josi and whispered furiously in her ear as the boys continued to fight, "How the hell can you be laughing? They started this because of you and if Brett gets hurt, I swear I'll…"

"You'll what? Blame me and then go try and comfort him? This wasn't my fault, but I will gladly take credit for it. It's called play fight, you know? Funny? Ever heard of it? And even if he did get hurt, he's a _guy_, he doesn't want you to baby him, he'll just say it doesn't hurt and get over. Stop acting so damn serious, I've known you for all of three weeks and already I can tell that you're just some smarty pants-serious-I hate anything not like me-bitch. Seriously, I don't understand how someone could actually love someone like you, all you ever do is hurt him, but he still loves you. You _hate_ him, you think that he is the most horrible thing to walk the face of the planet, but he loves you. Tell me, is _that_ what you think is funny? Not people having fun, playing around, no, do you think it's funny to hurt someone every single minute of every single day?" by the end of her speech, every one of their friends was paying rapt attention, wondering how this started.

"No, that is not funny, but unlike you, I don't lead people on. I give it to them straight,"

"Oh bullshit, I'm not leading anyone on. I'm acting like the same person I always have around everyone. Except you, no, I think I don't like you. I personally don't hate people; I won't, hell I don't know _how_ to hate people. I tell them if I don't like them but I don't tell them every time I see them how much I hate them, how much I wish they would just go poof, how much I wish they would just leave me alone. You're the one who leads people on, you're the one who lies to them, you're the one who constantly puts people through pain. Especially when you're hurt, they have to care when they hurt you but when you hurt them, oh it's all fine and dandy. You could take a dagger, shove it through them and twist it and you wouldn't care, but the second they just pinch you so lightly it shouldn't even _count_, you run away as if they had lit you on fire and dropped you into a vat of oil. They have to come running to save you, to make you smile, but then you'll just shove them away. Just push them off the Eiffel Tower with the dagger still in them. Stop thinking you're greatest person in the world, cuz you're not, fact is you're far from." And with that she walked off towards the football field, hoping no one would follow her.

Lily stomped off toward the castle, hoping James would follow so she could take out some of her anger on him.

Everyone just looked at each other, completely confused as to why this had started. Brett sighed before turning around, jogging to catch up to Lily as she headed to the castle. When Ashley moved to go to the field, Bryan grabbed her hand, shaking his head.

"Give her some time to cool down. She prefers being alone after she flips. According to her, she has to think about everything. I think that she holds in all her emotions until someone pushes the right buttons and then she explodes. I've only ever seen her explode at Brett before, she'll walk away to control herself and when she comes back, she apologizes profusely and he forgives her. I don't know how this is going to work out. She was right when she said she never lies so I wonder what her and Lily's relationship is going to be. Everything she said is truth, but her own opinion twisted into it. She is blunt but she'll never lie to you, joke sure. But lie, never." He looked at his watch before he continued, "We should be safe now. I followed her once after she flipped and well, I've learned that is a fate I would only wish upon my worst enemy," he smiled as he walked towards the field.

"Well I think I might be going to her for advice from now on," James chuckled.

"Dude she gives the best advice. Whenever anyone wants advice, she is the first person they go to. If you follow her advice it all works out okay, but if you don't, well you're pretty much fucked over," Colin chuckled as he finished.

"Lily!"

"Go away Potter!"

"You know, maybe Josi was right, Lils. Maybe you do just use people, no matter how much they do care. Maybe you are a selfish, smart ass, pansy little bi…" Brett didn't get to finish what he was saying as she had turned and pressed her lips hard against his.

"Sorry guys. She's like that bug in the Mummy. The one where it crawls underneath your skin and the only way to get it out is to stab and rip out from your skin." Josi sighed as she relaxed on the stands.

"No prob. So are we gonna help these guys get ready for practice, manager?" Alex laughed.

"But of course." She smiled as she conjured a few footballs out of thin air and then began teaching the Hogwarts boys the Game.

The coached arrived early and they stopped playing to the coaches. Brett arrived just moments before practice started with an angry look on his face. Josi figured she'd ask him later as the coaches started practice. Lily, the third manager never showed to help Ashley and Josi, although Josi had it covered without even using her wand or any kind of magic. Practice went smoothly and as they headed towards the castle Josi pulled one of the two boys she needed to talk to aside….

Author's Note: hey yeah I know its kinda whoosh…. But what ever, next chapter: explanations and time flying. Please review!! I need the feedback lol


	5. Serious

"James, can I talk to you?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"I want t apologize for what I said to Lily, I should keep my opinions to my self. Really I didn't mean to drag you into it. I just don't like her. Eventually I might, but not with the way she treats my friends at the moment." James put his hands on her shoulders, shaking his head.

"I don't mind at all, you kind of put it into perspective for me. Everything you said was the truth so don't say sorry to me and don't ever _**think**_ about apologizing to Evans, the truth hurts, and she _needs_ to know it." James smiled before turning so he could put his arm around her shoulders and they could continue walking with their friends.

*

"Brett?"

"Yeah Josi?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Cuz of all the stuff I said to your best friend."

"What stuff did you say to yourself that you would need to apologize to me for?"

"I meant Lily."

"She's never been my best friend and after what she did today, well I think she finally figured it out." He sighed, thinking she would stand up for her, telling him something about she was just trying to be a good friend. He hadn't said anything about Lily kissing him to anyone. When he had pulled away from her, looking into her eyes filled with want, he had said one word that would have crumpled her. He knew that she wouldn't come back to the Head's room tonight. She would go to the seventh year Gryffindor girls' room and ask forgiveness from Ashley who would be all happy with her again.

"She kissed you," it wasn't said as a question, more of a statement. He nodded and fell back onto his bed, his pillows cradling his head. The beautiful woman sitting next to him just put her hand on his, saying nothing, letting him continue if he wanted, but the silence was comfortable enough that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. She always gave him a choice, never pushed him for anything, just let him be. She never made him choose, she never asked for control, but she always had it. Anything she asked of him, he instantly complied with in his head, sure he might pretend to refuse but she always knew and played along with him. He was wrapped around her finger. He hated when she would give him a choice, he wanted her to make it easy for him, force him to forget or to share it with her, but she knew he needed his secrets so she never forced a word out of him. Ever.

"We were in the hall, right when you come in, and I shouted at her to stop, so that I could try to calm her down you know? But then she screamed 'Leave me alone Potter' as if I were Prongs and it was all his fault. I don't know he puts up with it, hell I don't know how _I _put up with her as just a friend for so long. So then I told her that maybe you were right, that she was all those horrible things," Josi didn't interrupt him with a gasp or a 'oh, you didn't' she just held her hand against his and remained silent.

"And just as I was about to call her a bitch, she turned around and kissed me!" he groaned before he continued, "And when I was no longer in shock, I pulled away from her and I could _see_ that she wanted me, wanted my forgiveness, and I told her no. No." Josi gently squeezed his hand before he turned to bury his head in his pillows as he groaned again. He wanted her to tell him it was going to be okay, it would all work itself out. But he knew she wouldn't, she wouldn't lie, she wouldn't give him false hope, so he just lay in silence, wanting her to hold his hand again, she had stopped when he had rolled over. He felt her get up and he whispered, "Please don't go."

She sat back down before he motioned for her to lie down next to him. She pulled the covers back and laid her head next to his. He put his arm around her pulling her body closer to his. She smiled before she lifted her finger and closed his eyes, whispering, "Goodnight," as she closed her own eyes.

*

"Prongs, tonight is full moon,"

"Yeah, we should get out there." James said, eagerness spilling across his face. He hadn't thought about Lily since that morning. He hadn't seen her since then but he knew she was ok; Moony had checked the map several times and had seen that she was just sitting in the stands at the football field. But by the time he had to leave, she had been in the girls' dorm, talking with Ashley.

ONE MONTH LATER:

Both nights went well and Moony was able to return to class two days after each full moon. The only people that had talked to Lily were Bryan and Ashley. No one else seemed inclined to. They all saw her in a different light. She had been no use at the practices, seeing as Josi was taking care of everything so she had quit. The coaches didn't care, they all loved Josi. She took care of the water, the equipment, notes for the coaches, timers; she had the positions for each player, their numbers (Practice and game), she was friends with everyone, even the Slytherins, everyone counted on her. She was also the team healer, taking care of everything, using her wand on only severe injuries. Little scrapes and bruises seemed to heal with just the touch of her hand. Everyone (The Marauders and friends) was passing all their classes so they could all attend the first game the next day.

"Hey, Padfoot, can you hand me that water bottle?" Josi asked as she put the equipment together. He tossed her the bottle and said "I have a question for you," the two of them were the only people left seeing as he took forever to change. She was allowed in the changing rooms because no one was stupid enough to do anything, or show her anything for that matter.

"Yeah, sure,"

"Okay, well its more of I need your advice."

"Shoot,"

"Okay, so there is this girl I like but I'm not sure if she likes me back,"

"Please, every girl wants to be with you, unless she is really crazy. Like myself."

"She is crazy though," Josi stopped what she was doing and turned toward him, a questioning look in her eyes as she raised her left eyebrow, giving him room to continue.

"She is you," he said quietly, looking down.

She was stunned for a moment, not really sure as to what to say. Sure she liked him, but she didn't want to. He was the playboy; he was never with a girl for more than two weeks, he always got laid. She wasn't sure if she could stand loosing herself to him, maybe her first kiss but more than that? She took a deep breath before she said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me out?"

Sirius laughed lightly before grabbing her hand. He stepped closer to her and whispered, "Will you go out with me?"

*

Brett felt a burning in his hand, slight at first, then more pronounced. He sighed lightly as he continued to get ready for bed. He knew she was just comforting who ever he was; she didn't like anyone like that. He smiled lightly when the burning left. He crawled into his bed, grabbing a book to read. A few minutes later there was a small knock on the door before it opened, revealing a stressed looking Josi, in her usual pajamas, tank top and shorts. He motioned for her to join him on the bed as he sat up.

"What's up?" he asked wondering what name he would hear as he put his hand on top of hers.

"Sirius likes me," she whispered, looking at the dark blue comforter. The concerned smile slipped off his face, hitting the bed with a noticeable thud (**A/N just a metaphor, although his hand stopped touching hers)**.

"Oh," was all he could say. He felt the burning come back as a fueled fire, turning his hand to ashes. He didn't know what to say, he obviously asked her out. She would have said yes, no one was stupid enough to say no to Sirius Black.

"I told him," she took a deep breath, swallowing the nerves. She didn't understand why it was so hard to tell her best friend, why she was nervous about telling him. Really, she knew he would be happy for her.

"I told him…. That, that I would…. You know, go with him, like on a date…"

"I didn't know you liked him like that," he said quietly.

"I don't, not really."

"Then why did you hold his hand? Why did you tell him yes?" he asked fury entwined in his voice as if they were a piece of rope.

"How-how do you know I held his hand?" she asked him, completely bewildered.

"I know every time when a guy touches you." he said, getting off his bed.

"But how?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know, really. I just, why would you care so much? He's just a guy," she said the end barely loud enough for him to hear, but it sounded to him as if she had screamed it in his ear.

"Why… why do I care?" he nearly growled, "I don't want you to be with 'just a guy'. Especially one that will treat you like shit!"

She didn't know what to say, it wasn't like she could defend Sirius. He did treat girls like crap some times; he dated them for a week, maybe two. And then they would be gone, he was on to the next girl who give him a good ride. She knew that Brett cared a lot about her and wouldn't let her forget her promise to never have sex until she was totally in love with the guy. She could never be in love with Sirius; she would never be loved back.

"We should probably get to sleep, big day tomorrow," he said after what seemed like and hour, but couldn't have been more than five minutes. She nodded. Slowly she made her way to the door. She flicked the lights off, as she usually did.

"Hey Evans," James said coldly as she entered his room as the door was open. He was surprised that she wanted to talk to him.

"You know that deal we made on the train here?"

"Yeah…." James trailed off confused.

"Ashley doesn't think that we're making good on it. She wanted me to tell you that she expects that we fix it. You haven't talked to her in a month and she hates it. She figured that you would listen to me." Lily paused before she sat at the foot of his bed and sighed.

"Look, I know that this is all mine and Josi's fault,"

"No, it's all your fault, don't blame Josi for telling the truth," James interrupted.

"Fine then, I know you _think_ it's all my fault,"

"_No_, I _**know**_ it's all your fault."

"What ever. Look I came to apologize. I know that I should have a while ago, but I was being stubborn. So even if you don't want to accept it, would you atleast pretend you do? For Ashley?" YES! I accept it! His mind screamed at him but he wordlessly, impassively nodded to her, waving his hand for her to leave. When she didn't, he looked at her, setting his homework on his bedside table. He just looked at her when she didn't say anything. For a moment she remained silent still, before she got off his bed, moved closer and then sat right next to him. He shied away from her, something he never thought he would do. He had always thought that if she ever sat on a bed near him, he would have scooted as close her as he could, but now, even as he wanted to, something wouldn't let him.

Lily sighed before she put her hand on his arm. "James, look, I really wish I could change what I said to her and some things I've done because of what she said to me. But I can't. I can't take back yelling at her, I can't take back yelling at Brett when I thought he was you, I can't take back kissing Brett, I can't take back all the glances or the words, I can't take back the pain I helped cause. I _can't_, no matter how much I want to. But I want to start making up for it. and I know you will be the hardest to convince, and if I can't convince you than I've lost the Marauders, and when Brett sees that you all have forgiven me, than he'll forgive me and when he forgives me, so will the other guys. Josi will never really forgive me but she'll put up with me because you guys do.

"James, I'm sorry, I really truly am. I hate how much strain I've out on you and Ashley, and Ashley and the other Marauders, and Ashley and her new friends. She is such a great person, I don't deserve her as my friend, I really don't. But she is, she is my best friend and every time I've ever had the possible thought that she wasn't, I was being dumb. Everything I've ever done to you was a mistake. But I can't change it, but I will make up for it. What Josi said was true, I am selfish, I am a pansy, I am a smarty pants who doesn't like anyone that I don't think is good enough, and I do hurt people a lot."

"You forgot total bitch," James said, reaching up a hand to wipe away some of her tears, still completely stunned that she had kissed Brett and he hadn't said a word about it.

She chuckled through her tears, "Yes I did. But I want to not be like that anymore, I want to be someone that has a good reason for someone to love me. I want to change. So please, I'm asking not for Ashley this time, but for me, although I doubt that that'll give you any inclination, let me try?" James stared at her, before lying back down on his bed. When she moved to leave, a sigh escaping her lips, he pulled her back down, beneath his covers.

"Don't go, stay with me tonight, and I'll think about it. I want to know that you're serious, and tomorrow you won't just start yelling at me again."

"And sleeping with you will do that?" she raised her eyebrows as she got comfortable next to him.

"Just sleep with me in my bed, I don't want to have sex with you. That would just be stupid of me. If you stay, I know that you willing to try and you won't just turn the switch when things don't look too bright."

"Deal," she said as she closed her eyes, "Goodnight James."

"Goodnight my flower." He whispered as she drifted into a deep sleep.


	6. Violent Reactions

"AND JAMES POTTER SCORES THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN!!!!" Kellie screamed into the loud-phone. The crowd was screaming, cheering, as James got up and held the ball into the air. He hadn't thought they would win, as he jogged towards his team, almost the entire team had never played before.

"Nice dive Potter!"

"Good job man!"

"Hell yeah man!" teammates shouted at him as they slapped his helmet, gave him high fives, while he made his way through the crowd to his best friends. Sirius, Remus and Peter all gave him a manly hug, while Brett just talked with the coaches, Josi and Ashley. He walked over to where they standing, waiting for them to notice him. Almost the second he walked over to Josi, she held a hand out behind her, waiting for a low five; he chuckled as he hit it. Brett dropped the water bottle he was holding.

"Where's the fire man?" James laughed as he bent down to pick it up.

"Sorry, good run. You almost didn't make it, what with Calhan's 73 being the only one able to keep up with ya. Congrats on the touchdown, I'm gonna head to the stands to see some people," James nodded as he walked away, his hand shaking slightly.

James felt his sister throw her arms around his neck squealing with delight before she pulled away and asked him, "Are you hurt? Dad isn't going to like it if you're hurt."

Josi laughed as she finally turned towards James, finished talking with the coaches.

"The boy can handle it; you don't need to baby him. Sides I bet your dad would just be glad that he scored the win, and not really care unless he had like, three broken bones or something." Ashley looked offended as Josi walked to James, before she continued, "But just for you Ash, I'll take care of him. Sit," she directed the order at James, who willingly sat on the bench. Josi, starting with his arms, looked for cuts and bruises. When she couldn't find any, she looked at his legs, wincing slightly as she cleaned the dirt and grass from them.

"Jesus James, I'm surprised you can even walk, Ashley, don't look over here." She gently brushed her fingers along every cut, starting with the largest, nearly three inches long.

"Don't move James. You'll just make them bleed more," she continued to trail her fingers down both of his legs. She ignored all the other guys that came to her for help with healing their injuries, minus those with broken bones. A line started to form by the time she was finished. She stood, and, grabbing James' hand, she pulled him to his feet saying, "Next time, let me know when you're not on the field so you don't permanently damage yourself. Now go talk to Ashley while I fix these guys up." James nodded as she moved to the line that had formed, shaking her head slightly as she healed them, murmuring to herself.

Brett shook both of his hands as he felt the burning in his hands get stronger. He knew that, for the moment, she was healing people, helping them. He just kept walking towards the bus where everything had already been loaded. He looked for the ice container. When he finally found it, he grabbed two small bags and filled them. He let them sit on his palms as he sunk to the ground, leaning his back against the tire. For a few minutes he just rested, knowing that everyone was by the field. He slammed his head backwards against the tire, swearing, before he stood up. He dropped the melted bags into a trash can. They hadn't really worked as he had hoped. As he walked into the stands, his chest and the middle of his back burned fiercely, he felt like collapsing. But he did as he always did in public, pretended it wasn't there, pretended that nothing was crumpling him from the inside out. He took a steadying breath before ascending the stairs, looking for Lily, to tell her that maybe they could start over, forget what happened. He missed her being around; she balanced out all the playing around and not studying. She would tell them to study and eventually they would, be not until she was at near breaking point from their antics.

A bunch of girls surrounded him as they saw him, clawing at him. He pushed through them as if they were just standing around.

"Lily!" he shouted, hoping she would answer him. He continued as she didn't reply. He stopped dead when he arrived at the other end. Lily had just thrown her arms around some guy and kissed him full on the lips. He had seen her when he had woken James up that morning. He hadn't said anything to either of them, he had just been happy that they were together. He had just assumed… especially from the vision at the start of term that they were together. And yet…

"Lily," he said again, swiveling his head around as he pretended he hadn't seen her. He turned back to her as she broke from whomever she had been kissing.

"Brett!" she shouted when she spotted him. She ran down, holding the man's hand as he followed her. Brett had yet to look at his face. They stopped about a foot in front of him. Just as he turned to see who he was, fire danced across his lips, the entire front of his body and all throughout his back. Where the face should have been, all he could see was black.

"Brett?" he heard his name repeated three or four times before he opened his eyes, blinking several times.

"Yeah?" he asked, pushing him self up into a sitting position, he hadn't realized he had been lying down until he had. He looked into Lily's face as she squatted right in front of him.

"You okay?" she asked. Then he saw the black face and blinked before answering.

"Just way, _way_ surprised I guess. I didn't know that you two were dating," he covered for himself as he nodded towards the man.

"Oh, well we haven't really been talking lately have we?" she stuttered hesitantly. Brett nodded as he continued to stare at the boy. He couldn't bring himself to call the man Lily's boyfriend. Lily offered her hand to him as she stood herself. He just put his hands on either side of him and pushed himself up, not noticing her expression.

"Who all knows about this?" he asked as he finally looked at Lily.

"Um, Ashley does. Please don't be mad at me,"

"I'm not mad at you, I was really only mad at you earlier cuz well, you know," he said as he looked into her eyes, wondering why she had thought he was mad at her. She nodded slightly before she said, "You should get back to the team, they'll be wondering where you are."

"Right," Brett said before he nodded to them and walked away, wondering how the hell it had happened.

"Hey Brett, are you gonna come to the club with us?" James asked as Brett walked into the Head's room three hours later. He shook his head as he walked to his bedroom, "You guys have fun," he smiled before closing the door. James looked at Sirius who shrugged, as Josi yelled at the door, "PARTY POOPER!" they heard a chuckled from the room, which seemed to satisfy her.

"Well, let's go," she smiled before grabbing Sirius' hand and pulling him out the portrait.

Brett sighed as he heard the frame close, knowing they would be out late. He fell asleep quickly, as he remembered the game.

_He was crouching on the field, next to the man he had just tackled, before he stood reaching out his hand, to help him up. The score was 24-21 to Calhan. Two minutes left in the fourth, he wasn't sure they could do it. He stood in at QB as Will, the first string had done something to his wrist and Josi was fixing it, and Eric had a concussion that Ashley was trying to find the potion for._

_"Down,_

_"Set,_

_"Hike!" he shouted, instantly feeling the ball in his arms. He backed away, looking for someone, anyone to throw the ball to. His eyes found James, breaking from the pack that hounded him. His line was quickly loosing control, breaking down. Of its own accord, his arm lifted and just as three men came towards him, the ball went sailing through the air. He knew it had landed safely in James hands, giving them another first down if they needed it. Silently he prayed that James could outrun the last guy on his tail. _

_He heard the silver whistle blow. The pressure was off of him. He saw a hand stretched to him, a peaceful offering from the other team. Being the sportsman that he was, he gripped it as he pushed himself to his feet. Slowly he turned to the coach, who waved him over. As he jogged off the field he saw the clock, thirty seconds._

"_We're putting Will back in, Josi fixed him up." Brett nodded as he went to stare back at the field. He watched silently, hearing nothing, as the ball went soaring through the air again, soaring into James open hands. The same guy was on him Brett knew. He watched as James leapt the final few feet, smiled as he heard him hit the ground, knowing they had won the game. He felt coolness wash over his body as he turned to talk to the coaches. _No, that was real life

*

"You want a drink?" Sirius shouted to Josi over the blaring music. He was surprised that Dumbledore had allowed them out. Then again, Josi was quite the charmer. She nodded her heard and mouthed Dr. Pepper to him. He nodded and went off in search of the bar. They had been sitting at a table while their friends had gone off dancing. She had told him to go dance several times, but he didn't. She was his date and he was going to stay with her, for once. He wanted to be around her, he didn't care if they didn't dance. She had told them as they made their way there that she never danced, she didn't like it. She went to celebrate and listen to the music so they wouldn't sit at the table with her. But he had stayed; he _wanted_ to, something he was still unfamiliar with.

He ordered their drinks when he finally got to the bar. He set hers down in front of her as he sat next to her at their table a few minutes later. She smiled in thanks as she reached for it. He wanted to talk with her, someplace quiet, someplace where it was only them. When she finished her drink ten minutes later he motioned for her to follow him. She grabbed his hand, slightly confused. He pulled her through the moving bodies and out the door.

"What are we doing?" she asked him as the door shut behind her.

"Well, I'm taking you away from here," he said quietly, as if he was asking a question. She was not someone to do something she didn't want to.

"Why?"

"Well, for one I was going deaf and two I wanted to talk with you. And I couldn't even hear myself in there," he chuckled before grabbing her hand. She nodded in response. He turned on the spot, gripping her hand tightly, and thinking of a hotel room he had been to once.

Josi opened her eyes to see a bedroom, like that in a Muggle hotel. She instantly dropped Sirius' hand and backed away from him saying, "No, no no no," thinking to herself that maybe she should have been more aware of what Brett had said last night, but she had never thought he would treat her like this.

Sirius stared at her reaction, totally confused; she didn't really think that _that_ was why he had brought her here, did she? She hit the wall still murmuring 'no' over and over to herself. She flinched as he moved closer, his hand out stretched to comfort her, tell that her that she had it all wrong. He dropped his hand and backed away from her as he said, "I just want to talk. This is where I stayed a few summers ago when my parents kicked me out and I really didn't want to go to James and tell him. Really I only want to talk, I promise I won't even touch you," her reaction was still a little extreme in his eyes as she kept her self pressed against the wall, still murmuring to herself.

"We can go somewhere else if you'd like," he said, still trying to figure it out. Her eyes weren't locked on him anymore. She was staring intently at the bed as she sank to the floor. It hit him like a ton of bricks, dropped ten stories to his head. He vanished the bed, and dropped to the floor, whispering, "I'm sorry, I didn't know," three or four times before she calmed down and crawled over to him, pain evident in her eyes. She was trying to push it away now, he could see that. She stopped when she was still a foot away from him. Looking him directly in the eyes, her own blue turning to stone, she said, "Take me anywhere but here," in a shaking voice. He stood, and went to help her up. As she wound her arms tightly around him, still trying to forget, he held her even closer, before they Disapparated. He picked her up when she collapsed as they arrived in the Shrieking Shack. He knew the tunnel would lead them to the school in America. When they were on the new school grounds she asked him to set her down. She didn't want to be weak, he could see it. Slowly, he let her body slide down his. When her feet touched the ground, she moved away from him. He hated himself at the moment, for doing this to her, for reminding her, for making her be someone she didn't want to be.

When they walked into castle, she bade him goodnight and sped away, tears strolling down her face. She broke into a run as she turned the corner. She was falling apart again, something she hadn't done since before… she shook her head as she saw the portrait. She nearly shouted the password. Confused, they let her in. two people were on her mind, the one who had made her this way, and the only one who could fix her. She pushed the former from her mind as best she could. Pushing the latter's door open, she said his name, before noticing he had fallen asleep with the light on. She turned it off before moving to his bed and crawling under the covers, reaching for his hand.

Brett woke as he realized the coolness was not from his dream. He felt her soothing hand grip his own.

"Josi?" he asked, concern smothering his voice. She crawled into his arms and from the light of the quarter moon through the window, he could see she had been crying. He had only seen her cry once before and that was after…"What's wrong?" he asked, pain for her drilling through his heart, she shivered in response. He sat up, his hand fumbling for his wand. A moment later the light flickered on. He looked into her eyes, saw the pain, saw the memories, and he gathered her up tightly into his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder.

_I'm going to kill Sirius._


	7. Strange Apapparations

Brett looked at the clock over her shoulder, five-thirty. It was Monday so normally he would be up, going to the separate bathroom while James took the one connected to their bedrooms. He didn't hear the shower so he figured James was still asleep. He moved to get out of the bed trying to not disturb her. Gently he pulled his arm out from under. She started to stir; he had forgotten how light of a sleeper she was.

"Brett?" she whispered as she groggily opened her eyes.

"Go back to sleep, I'm just going to get ready for class," he whispered as he took her left arm off his body.

"But the Professors said that cuz it's the day after the game, we don't have to." She was more awake now as she pulled herself onto her elbow.

"Right, sorry. I forgot." She smiled at him before she knocked his arm out so he fell back onto the bed before she crawled back into his arms, letting him wash away her pain. As she fell back into her slumber she whispered, "Please don't hurt Sirius, he didn't know." Brett sighed before he too fell back asleep, letting her touch cool his body, letting her stop the burning she didn't know she caused.

Josi was sitting next to Brett at the Gryffindor table when she saw Sirius come in. the second he spotted her, he went to sit somewhere else, hoping she hadn't seen him. But when he looked at her, she was motioning for him to come sit by her. Slowly he walked towards her, not knowing what else to do, and he sat beside her. She gently placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Good morning," she said happily, as if nothing happened. He was going to say something until he saw the look on Brett's face. It told him to not say a thing, pretend as she was, otherwise Sirius Black would only be a memory.

"Morning," he said sweetly before kissing her cheek as well. It was really quiet for the three people sitting at the table. None of them really knew what to say, or had anything to say at all, in Josi's case. Nothing else was said until their other friends finally woke up and came down for lunch. Brett called a good morning to Lily, letting everyone know he had forgiven her. Josi just nodded to her, an unspoken sign of acceptance. David and Colin were chatting with Ashley, Bryan and Alex were both sitting with their girlfriends, leaving Remus and Peter to chat while James talked with Sirius. Everyone noticed that Josi was oddly silent as she picked at her food, but no one said a thing as Brett would shush them with a look. Tired of everyone paying attention to Josi, Brett said, "So Lily, how's it going with your boyfriend?" everyone was instantly paying rapt attention. She didn't seem to notice as she replied, "Really well, better than I ever thought possible. He isn't like I thought, he's a lot nicer and gentle than one would think a Slytherin could be." Josi started choking on her Dr. Pepper, completely surprised that Lily would be with a Slytherin.

James angrily asked who he was. When she answered, Josi felt Sirius stiffen beside her. She reached her right hand for his hand underneath the table, and gave it a gentle squeeze. She didn't notice Brett's right hand tighten against his pumpkin juice.

"My brother?!?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth, "You're dating my _BROTHER_?" He was furious; Lily gulped in fear as she nodded. Quickly she explained how it happened, trying to get her friends to understand

"See, before the start of term he was begging for Ashley to help him. He wanted to get me to like him, that's what we were talking about when James came into the Head's compartment on the train. He had taken the trip to Italy with us and some other kids in school over the summer. So when Ashley told me what he asked I had laughed but when she left I realized it was kind of sweet so when he asked me out while we weren't talking I said yes." she finished, looking at the faces around her guiltily. The only people who really seemed to mind were James and Sirius.

Josi couldn't understand why Sirius was so upset. She knew he had run away a few years ago, cuz that's what he told her last night, but the boy couldn't have been the reason, could he? James was allowed to be angry cuz they all knew he was in love with Lily, but really, this was far enough. She said confused, "What's so wrong with your brother? Sure he's a Slytherin but they can't _**all**_ be all _that_ bad." Sirius turned to look at her before he answered.

"Most of those Slytherins are Death Eaters, or they will be soon. And the few that aren't are pureblooded gits. Full of prejudice, so if Regulus 'likes' Lily, then he's either using her or he's doing something for Voldemort," she saw Peter flinch at his name, "Either way, it's still bad. Very bad. Lily just needs to see that. If she doesn't fine, just don't bring him around me." He looked at her once more, briefly as he finished his rant before standing up and departing. James quickly followed him, not even looking at Lily.

"Eh, they'll get over it," Josi said watching their backs, "And if they don't, well than screw 'em." Lily looked at her, astonished.

"So you don't hate me?" Josi laughed before she said, "We've been through this before: I don't hate people. Sure I still don't like you but that has nothing to do with those jackasses. They just need to learn to be men and suck it up." She smiled at Lily before she looked to Brett, "That was not very nice you know." Brett spluttered before he said, "I didn't know they were listening, I was just trying to be nice and talk to her. I'm not mad at her and I actually do still like her so why would I intentionally be mean to her?" he was very convincing. Josi wanted to call him out on his lie but decided to wait until they were alone.

"Sorry," she said with a smile before she turned to talk with Ashley, Colin and David.

*

_James and Sirius hardly spoke to Lily for the rest of the week. She didn't ask Regulus to join them at all, but she did leave a few times to go see him. No one brought him up; no one brought Lily up when she was gone._

Sirius was jogging off the field, his helmet in his hand, grasped by the facemask. He smiled brightly as he saw his girlfriend healing his teammates with the touch of her hand. He waited patiently until she finished, a few feet away. When she turned around, she smiled. For the first time in a week he smiled back. Slowly she meandered towards him, stopping a few inches away from him, taunting him. Everyone was to busy cheering and celebrating a spectacular shut out (56-0) to notice the couple sneaking away.

"So have you decided you're going to smile now?" she asked laughing as he dragged her away.

"Why of course silly goose," he was grinning mischievously as he suddenly stopped and her body collided with his. She laughed brightly as he wrapped his arms around her waist and hers wandered around his neck. Slowly he brought his lips to hers, gently pressing, before his tongue flicked across her lips, asking her permission. Her lips parted but when his tongue met hers, the fire works she expected, the high she was supposed to feel, everything anyone had told her should happen, didn't. She felt wrong, dirty. She felt empty, hollow. Her heart wasn't beating faster, her blood not pounding through her veins.

Sirius gently pulled away from her when she didn't respond to him. She shook her head at his questioning look. No, nothing was wrong. To prove it she kissed him again, hoping to feel something, anything. But there was nothing. She smiled a fake smile when she broke off, he didn't seem to notice as he smiled brightly back at her, it had been the first time she had let him kiss her fully, not just a soft peck, he was happy. He didn't sense her confusion, her troubledness. Quickly they walked hand in hand to the bus, hoping no one had noticed their absence. Blending into the crowd of people, she let go of his hand, searching for Ashley, hoping she could help. Josi had never really had a friend that was a girl; she was always one of the guys. It never bothered her since she never had any guy problems. But now she needed one.

*

Brett had felt his body burn, his chest, his waist, his hands, but mostly his lips, his mouth. He looked around, knowing she wouldn't be there, and neither would he. He tried to push away the burning, and for a moment it stopped, only to come back stronger. He gasped in surprise. Ashley gave him a weird look, wondering why he had. He pretended nothing had happened and returned her look of confusion. She stepped closer to him, seemingly to say something before she pushed herself against him and pressed her lips to his.

"What the _hell_?" he yelled as he sprang away in pain.

"Do you love her?" she asked, thinking.

"Who?" he asked angrily.

"Josi, do you love her?"

"No, I don't love her."

"I thought she was your best friend?" denial, she thought.

"Well, like that yeah I do." She had him cornered, no matter what he said she could twist it. He was stupid to have said anything at all. He felt her grab his hand and then the squeezing of his lungs, his body as she turned away. He collapsed onto the filthy floor, trying to gain his breath, but it helped that the burning wasn't as prominent.

Josi was worried; she couldn't find Brett. She had turned down going out to celebrate with the Marauders and David, Ashley and Colin, Alex and Bryan were 'celebrating' with their girlfriends, and Lily was with Regulus. But she couldn't find Brett. She tried to figure where he could possibly have gone if he wasn't in the castle, places he liked on the grounds.

She went to the lake first, nothing. She stood silently staring at the waves for a moment, watching them chase each other before slipping into the vast water beneath them. Sighing she went to the football field, even though she knew he would never be there, it was too obvious. Standing in the middle of the green grass, between the stands that would sit thousands, she tried hard to think of a place he would go, maybe to think. She walked away towards the forest, and then it hit her, literally. Flying across the grounds she realized that that would be the perfect place. Grabbing her wand, she shot a stunning spell at the knot that would stop the tree. The moment it froze she ran towards the hole. She slid into the tunnel and collided with something other than the ground.

***

"Where the _hell_ are we?" he asked as he finally stood and took in his surroundings.

"Top floor of the Shrieking Shack in England." She looked around at the covered furniture; there were a few scratches on the walls but nothing else. Brett assumed this was where James and Sirius brought Remus at the end, right before sunrise. He moved to sit on the bed, before looking at her expectantly.

"What?"

"Well I was sort of hoping you could, oh I don't know, tell me _why_ you brought me her?"

"Oh, well, see I've been noticing stuff these past few months and well, I think you have a blood curse."

"Why?" he was dumbfounded. No one but Josi knew he was a pureblood, not a Muggle-born, not even Lily. Only those who knew magical people could have a blood curse, only pure anger, pure hatred could cause a blood curse that would last through the generations.

"Well, you flinch every time someone touches her, where ever they touched her."

"Touches who?" Maybe playing dumb would help him. He couldn't Appaperate yet so he was stuck here, with her, seeing as she was blocking the door way.

"Don't be stupid, please. Josi. Like when James gave her a high five at the game last week, you dropped the water bottle you were holding. And they both just happened to be the right hand. At breakfast last week, Josi was holding Sirius' hand underneath the table, her right and you, with your right hand, started squeezing so hard your knuckles turned white." Brett was amazed, seeing as she never seemed to pay attention to anything but Colin and David. He didn't say anything, allowing her to continue.

"And when I kissed you, you jumped away from me,"

"I jumped away because I thought you were with Colin or David and I don't like you like that, but I should probably tell them you're a whore."

"I am not. Look, I don't have to go into more detail, because obviously I'm right. But I don't understand," she looked at him, desperate for an explanation.

He chuckled darkly before saying, "You don't choose who you fall in love with," he knew that wasn't what she meant but he didn't care. He couldn't tell her, he hadn't even told his better friends that he had known for years.

"That's not what I mean. I know that for you to have a blood curse, than it had to have been passed to you through your parents. You can't be a Muggle-born, unless your 21. So your parents had to have some magical blood and the curse was passed to you. Please, I just want to help."

"Help with what?" he growled at her.

"I want to help you get rid of it," and that's when he knew. This was not Ashley, it couldn't be. There were few ways to get rid of a blood curse. The person who cast it could reverse it, which was painless. If it was one that had to be fulfilled, it would go away when it was, but it could be painful. The only other way he knew of was, very painful and no one had ever survived it

"I don't have a blood curse, I just don't like people touching her." he paused, "Who are you? You might have her memories but your not Ashley, she isn't stupid. I'm a Muggle-born and she knows it. And I've read about blood curses, she would have to kill me to do that. She wouldn't kill anyone." He was standing staring directly into this imposter's eyes. A moment later there was resounding crack as whomever it was disappeared. He stood still for a few moments before he walked downstairs, and into the tunnel that would take him back to the school grounds.

As he walked, he wondered who could the imposter be, and how had they retrieved her memories? Or maybe it was someone they considered a friend, using polyjuice potion, who was secretly working for Voldemort. He shook his head at the paranoid thoughts; none of his friends would betray him would they? As he went to reassure himself, to tell himself why none of them could be, something collided with his body, knocking him down to the ground.

"Ow," said a voice he instantly recognized as she pushed herself off of him.

"Josi?" he asked, stunned as to why she wasn't out with her boyfriend, "Why are you here?"

"Looking for you, I didn't see you after the game, no one has. I couldn't find you in the castle or on the grounds, so I figured why not check here? Okay so it was after the stupid thing attacked me but, whatever." Worry instantly flooded him. As he asked, "Are you alright?" he moved closer to her to check for anything broken.

"Fine, yeah, but what the hell are you doing? Ashley said she saw you after the game but then you disappeared. What happened?" Brett stood frozen for a second; he knew it wasn't Ashley, right?

"Lumos," he whispered so they could see around them, "I thought Ashley was with me. Okay well at first, but it's probably something I should tell everyone together. Come on," he moved to go up out of the tunnel, intending to pull himself up, when he suddenly screamed and fell back on to the ground. Worried she bent down next to him, shinning her light to the right of his face, so as not to blind him.

"What happened?" she asked as he blinked, sitting up. He hadn't had a physical reaction to a vision since the school was going to start a dueling club.

His answer was nearly a whisper as he looked directly into her eyes, confusion and pain the main painting, dribbled with anger….


	8. Blurry

**DISCLAIMER: **My name may begin with a J, but there is no K or Rowling in it.

…_.he moved to go up out of the tunnel, intending to pull himself up, when he suddenly screamed and fell back on to the ground. Worried she bent down next to him, shinning her light to the right of his face, so as not to blind him._

"_What happened?" she asked as he blinked, sitting up. He hadn't had a physical reaction to a vision since the school was going to start a dueling club._

_His answer was nearly a whisper as he looked directly into her eyes, confusion and pain the main painting, dribbled with anger…._

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing?" Sirius asked him worriedly.

"Ashley was with us though, she couldn't have been with you, it's not possible, right Ashley?" James said, anxiously.

"It had to be more than nothing if you reacted that way, I mean really, Josi said you haven't reacted physically since someone was going to get hurt really badly, it can't be just nothing!" Sirius was ranting to himself at this point while everyone continued to press Brett for questions on the imposter.

"I DON'T KNOW!!" he finally shouted at them, "I don't know who the imposter was, I don't know why that happened, I just don't!" everyone besides Josi backed away slightly, as she reached her other hand out to him, squeezing Sirius' gently to calm him.

As her hand touched his, he grabbed his head and fell to the floor screaming. She let go of Sirius and was at his side, her hands hovering, unsure of how he would react to them. Slowly, he gained control of the pain, his screams slowly fading away. He heard her whisper his name questioningly. Shaking his head, he moved away from them, barely able to stand as he tried to get to the couch.

"I… it's… there's… just…."

"What Brett, what is it?" Peter asked, concerned.

"Nothing, just nothing."

"Oh, don't lie to me, Brett DeGeorge, you said it was nothing before, but now that we've seen, don't you dare tell us it was nothing!" Lily said anger twisting its-self into her words.

"I am **not **lying; I see nothing, there isn't anything."

"Then why is it hurting you so badly?" Ashley asked frightened.

"Someone is dead, and there's pain, and screaming, and death, and torture, and every other horrible thing that a person can feel everywhere. That's what I can feel, I just can't see anything. Best I can guess is it must be a battle, or war, but I don't know the origin, or where it is. There isn't anything," he explained.

"Well, you could have been a little more specific," claimed a hysterical Sirius.

"Calm down Padfoot, now is not the time to go mental, well, even more mental."

"James is right, Brett, do you think you could…" Josi trailed off, hating herself for suggesting it.

"I think I can try but I'm not sure how well it'll work, and I don't think everyone should be here for It." she nodded, hoping they would understand, praying that he would let her stay with him.

"What are you two talking about?" Peter asked the question running through everyone's mind, "Why shouldn't we be there for it?"

"Brett's gonna go back into the vision, see if he can get anything else out of it, but no one should be there because, his reaction might be…. Well it might be even worse. I mean, one of us should be there in case he doesn't remember what he sees, cuz he'll say stuff out loud but he might not know what he says." Everyone took a deep breath when Brett said, "No, no one is going to be there Josi, last time I hurt you really bad, I'm not gonna even chance that for you again. I'll get a quick quotes quill so it can write down what I say, but no way in HELL is anyone gonna be in there with me." Slowly he raised himself from the couch and started walking away from his friends towards his room. They heard him cast a silencing spell, after he cast a locking spell that _Alohamora_ couldn't open.

Josi went to sit on the couch, hating herself even more for suggesting it. The rest followed, Sirius sitting next to her before pulling her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her in the process. Silence crammed the room from top to bottom. Expecting the worst, no hope existed in the room.

Brett crawled into his bed, the lights off, a piece of parchment lying on his dresser, the quill ready to begin its duty. He brought the vision into focus, centering on the pain and screams, trying to go backwards, or forwards, in time. He screamed, as he fell into it completely.

_It was all black, for only a moment. The pain seemed to be lessoning as he opened his eyes. Everything was going backwards, rewinding. When it started over, he watched as Voldemort, he knew from the wave of terror passing through those that surrounded him, stepped towards Dumbledore._

_"The third of November, as I promised Dumbledore, I want to see the boy. Tell me where is he?"_

_"What boy?" his inquiry confused whomever it was that Brett was sharing eyes with. _

_"The special one I have heard so much about from my spies. He sees what will happen, and yet, he is Muggle-born. He has skill matched by only mine and yours; one has yet to beat him in a duel. Tell me who is he, Dumbledore."_

_"Ah, Tom, I know whom you speak of. But I will not deal him such a blow, he may step forward only if he so wishes." The person he was stepped forward, locking his eyes with Voldemort's. He felt not scared, more of determined, knowing what would happen. Voldemort walked over to him._

_"You! You could not possibly be him. He is not weak, he seeps strength, and power encompasses him from what they tell me. He stands tall. You do not." The person brought himself to full height, shoulders back and stared the bastard straight in the face._

_"You should really not pretend to know a person by seeing them, hearing the account of another. Your spies doubtless no not of who I am, they know not of what I am. They know only what they see, what they pretend not to fear. Their blindness comes from how you frighten them, how you control them. They know nothing. If you want to know the truth, find it yourself."_

_Voldemort stared, surprised that one as young as he would dare talk to him that way. The boy was right though, at full height, though many inches shorter, this boy screamed power, leaked strength, and gave an air of knowing. _

_"Well, then we will see what you possess." They all heard a resounding _crack _as Voldemort disappeared. A moment after, the Death Eaters attacked. It became blurry and Brett couldn't see what was going on, until Voldemort came back. They dueled fro what seemed like hours until Brett was finally hit with a curse and he fell. A name was shouted by a voice he recognized. Then the familiar black enclosed him as he realized who the special person was. _

__________________________________________________________

Josi was pacing in front of his door, Sirius no longer able to console her. She was mumbling to herself, saying things like "why isn't he out yet, did something go wrong, how bad was it, did he even say anything?" questions no one could answer, they all sat watching, the girls, Ashley and Lily, kept glancing at Colin, Bryan, David, Alex, Sirius, Peter, Remus and James. None of them spoke a word. Lily was yearning for her boyfriend's comforting touch, the way that David was holding Ashley, Alex and Bryan wanting their own girlfriends there, to distract them from their own distress, Colin was wanting to hold Ashley in his arms, to comfort her as David was, not sit there and watch his hands console her shaking form. James wanted to reach out and tell Lily that it would be fine, he would be done soon, but he couldn't do it.

Sirius sat and watched his girlfriend pace in front of the door, anxiously waiting for her best friend, her best friend that was in love with her. He had seen it, bits and pieces that never really fit together for just a friend. He hadn't realized until Brett had told her that he couldn't allow her near him, he couldn't have her near even the threat of danger.

They all heard the whisper of a spell being removed and they froze as he opened the door slowly. Josi's head snapped up, her heart pounding fast as she looked him over for any external damage.

"I'm fine. But I did find out the day." He wasn't going to worry them by saying he was the man that died, or any of the other details, "We need to go tell Dumbledore."

Everyone nodded before they saw Josi sigh deeply. All heads turned in her direction, wondering.

"Who were you?" she asked, covering her cowardliness with curiosity. He shrugged his shoulders sadly, "I don't know," he reached his hand into a pocket and withdrew his hand from his pocket, "It didn't write anything, so I guess I didn't say anything. I could have been anyone, there were so many dead people, the ground was covered with so many people, I couldn't tell who was dead and who was just unconscious or wounded. But we need to tell Dumbledore." As if to make them see it, he headed towards the door.

"Ok, we're coming," James said. They all noticed that Josi and Sirius stayed behind, but didn't bother asking if they were coming, already knowing the answer.

"Ah, Mr. DeGeorge, Mr. Potter, Mr. Kunau, Mr. Quinata, Mr. Lupton, Miss Evans, and Miss Potter. What can I do for you?"

"November 3rd. Voldemort is going to attack."

"How do you know that, Mr. DeGeorge? I haven't even told the staff."

"Wait, you already knew?" James asked, confused, and a little scared.

"Why, of course. He sent me the message just a few moments ago."

Sirius walked towards her as she leaned against the wall. She wasn't going to sink to the floor; she wouldn't allow herself to be weak in his presence. He reached out his hand, asking her to take it, unsure if she would or not. Sighing, she stepped forward into his arms, her own encircling him.

She was breathing deeply, as if to calm herself. He didn't know what to do, what to say. She was different from most girls, did she like being comforted the same ways that the others did? He didn't know, so he just held her, saying nothing, gently rubbing her back with his hands.

Slowly she pulled away, telling him, "He knows, I know he knows. I just… I need to know who it is; we have less than a week, Sirius. I need to prepare myself if I can. I … I need to think." She kissed him softly on the lips be turning to walk into Brett's room.

Silently he wondered why she always went to his room, not her own. But only for a moment as her words fully sank in: one of them was going to die, and Brett wasn't going to tell them who.

Author's Note: Sorry it's so short but I thought that it was the best way to end it, adding to it would just, make it bad.

And I won't be updating for a few more days atleast cuz I haven't quite worked out the rest of chapter 9


	9. Just a Dream

"James, can I talk to you?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"I want t apologize for what I said to Lily, I should keep my opinions to my self. Really I didn't mean to drag you into it. I just don't like her. Eventually I might, but not with the way she treats my friends at the moment." James put his hands on her shoulders, shaking his head.

"I don't mind at all, you kind of put it into perspective for me. Everything you said was the truth so don't say sorry to me and don't ever _**think**_ about apologizing to Evans, the truth hurts, and she _needs_ to know it." James smiled before turning so he could put his arm around her shoulders and they could continue walking with their friends.

*

"Brett?"

"Yeah Josi?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Cuz of all the stuff I said to your best friend."

"What stuff did you say to yourself that you would need to apologize to me for?"

"I meant Lily."

"She's never been my best friend and after what she did today, well I think she finally figured it out." He sighed, thinking she would stand up for her, telling him something about she was just trying to be a good friend. He hadn't said anything about Lily kissing him to anyone. When he had pulled away from her, looking into her eyes filled with want, he had said one word that would have crumpled her. He knew that she wouldn't come back to the Head's room tonight. She would go to the seventh year Gryffindor girls' room and ask forgiveness from Ashley who would be all happy with her again.

"She kissed you," it wasn't said as a question, more of a statement. He nodded and fell back onto his bed, his pillows cradling his head. The beautiful woman sitting next to him just put her hand on his, saying nothing, letting him continue if he wanted, but the silence was comfortable enough that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. She always gave him a choice, never pushed him for anything, just let him be. She never made him choose, she never asked for control, but she always had it. Anything she asked of him, he instantly complied with in his head, sure he might pretend to refuse but she always knew and played along with him. He was wrapped around her finger. He hated when she would give him a choice, he wanted her to make it easy for him, force him to forget or to share it with her, but she knew he needed his secrets so she never forced a word out of him. Ever.

"We were in the hall, right when you come in, and I shouted at her to stop, so that I could try to calm her down you know? But then she screamed 'Leave me alone Potter' as if I were Prongs and it was all his fault. I don't know he puts up with it, hell I don't know how _I _put up with her as just a friend for so long. So then I told her that maybe you were right, that she was all those horrible things," Josi didn't interrupt him with a gasp or a 'oh, you didn't' she just held her hand against his and remained silent.

"And just as I was about to call her a bitch, she turned around and kissed me!" he groaned before he continued, "And when I was no longer in shock, I pulled away from her and I could _see_ that she wanted me, wanted my forgiveness, and I told her no. No." Josi gently squeezed his hand before he turned to bury his head in his pillows as he groaned again. He wanted her to tell him it was going to be okay, it would all work itself out. But he knew she wouldn't, she wouldn't lie, she wouldn't give him false hope, so he just lay in silence, wanting her to hold his hand again, she had stopped when he had rolled over. He felt her get up and he whispered, "Please don't go."

She sat back down before he motioned for her to lie down next to him. She pulled the covers back and laid her head next to his. He put his arm around her pulling her body closer to his. She smiled before she lifted her finger and closed his eyes, whispering, "Goodnight," as she closed her own eyes.

*

"Prongs, tonight is full moon,"

"Yeah, we should get out there." James said, eagerness spilling across his face. He hadn't thought about Lily since that morning. He hadn't seen her since then but he knew she was ok; Moony had checked the map several times and had seen that she was just sitting in the stands at the football field. But by the time he had to leave, she had been in the girls' dorm, talking with Ashley.

ONE MONTH LATER:

Both nights went well and Moony was able to return to class two days after each full moon. The only people that had talked to Lily were Bryan and Ashley. No one else seemed inclined to. They all saw her in a different light. She had been no use at the practices, seeing as Josi was taking care of everything so she had quit. The coaches didn't care, they all loved Josi. She took care of the water, the equipment, notes for the coaches, timers; she had the positions for each player, their numbers (Practice and game), she was friends with everyone, even the Slytherins, everyone counted on her. She was also the team healer, taking care of everything, using her wand on only severe injuries. Little scrapes and bruises seemed to heal with just the touch of her hand. Everyone (The Marauders and friends) was passing all their classes so they could all attend the first game the next day.

"Hey, Padfoot, can you hand me that water bottle?" Josi asked as she put the equipment together. He tossed her the bottle and said "I have a question for you," the two of them were the only people left seeing as he took forever to change. She was allowed in the changing rooms because no one was stupid enough to do anything, or show her anything for that matter.

"Yeah, sure,"

"Okay, well its more of I need your advice."

"Shoot,"

"Okay, so there is this girl I like but I'm not sure if she likes me back,"

"Please, every girl wants to be with you, unless she is really crazy. Like myself."

"She is crazy though," Josi stopped what she was doing and turned toward him, a questioning look in her eyes as she raised her left eyebrow, giving him room to continue.

"She is you," he said quietly, looking down.

She was stunned for a moment, not really sure as to what to say. Sure she liked him, but she didn't want to. He was the playboy; he was never with a girl for more than two weeks, he always got laid. She wasn't sure if she could stand loosing herself to him, maybe her first kiss but more than that? She took a deep breath before she said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me out?"

Sirius laughed lightly before grabbing her hand. He stepped closer to her and whispered, "Will you go out with me?"

*

Brett felt a burning in his hand, slight at first, then more pronounced. He sighed lightly as he continued to get ready for bed. He knew she was just comforting who ever he was; she didn't like anyone like that. He smiled lightly when the burning left. He crawled into his bed, grabbing a book to read. A few minutes later there was a small knock on the door before it opened, revealing a stressed looking Josi, in her usual pajamas, tank top and shorts. He motioned for her to join him on the bed as he sat up.

"What's up?" he asked wondering what name he would hear as he put his hand on top of hers.

"Sirius likes me," she whispered, looking at the dark blue comforter. The concerned smile slipped off his face, hitting the bed with a noticeable thud (**A/N just a metaphor, although his hand stopped touching hers)**.

"Oh," was all he could say. He felt the burning come back as a fueled fire, turning his hand to ashes. He didn't know what to say, he obviously asked her out. She would have said yes, no one was stupid enough to say no to Sirius Black.

"I told him," she took a deep breath, swallowing the nerves. She didn't understand why it was so hard to tell her best friend, why she was nervous about telling him. Really, she knew he would be happy for her.

"I told him…. That, that I would…. You know, go with him, like on a date…"

"I didn't know you liked him like that," he said quietly.

"I don't, not really."

"Then why did you hold his hand? Why did you tell him yes?" he asked fury entwined in his voice as if they were a piece of rope.

"How-how do you know I held his hand?" she asked him, completely bewildered.

"I know every time when a guy touches you." he said, getting off his bed.

"But how?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't know, really. I just, why would you care so much? He's just a guy," she said the end barely loud enough for him to hear, but it sounded to him as if she had screamed it in his ear.

"Why… why do I care?" he nearly growled, "I don't want you to be with 'just a guy'. Especially one that will treat you like shit!"

She didn't know what to say, it wasn't like she could defend Sirius. He did treat girls like crap some times; he dated them for a week, maybe two. And then they would be gone, he was on to the next girl who give him a good ride. She knew that Brett cared a lot about her and wouldn't let her forget her promise to never have sex until she was totally in love with the guy. She could never be in love with Sirius; she would never be loved back.

"We should probably get to sleep, big day tomorrow," he said after what seemed like and hour, but couldn't have been more than five minutes. She nodded. Slowly she made her way to the door. She flicked the lights off, as she usually did.

"Hey Evans," James said coldly as she entered his room as the door was open. He was surprised that she wanted to talk to him.

"You know that deal we made on the train here?"

"Yeah…." James trailed off confused.

"Ashley doesn't think that we're making good on it. She wanted me to tell you that she expects that we fix it. You haven't talked to her in a month and she hates it. She figured that you would listen to me." Lily paused before she sat at the foot of his bed and sighed.

"Look, I know that this is all mine and Josi's fault,"

"No, it's all your fault, don't blame Josi for telling the truth," James interrupted.

"Fine then, I know you _think_ it's all my fault,"

"_No_, I _**know**_ it's all your fault."

"What ever. Look I came to apologize. I know that I should have a while ago, but I was being stubborn. So even if you don't want to accept it, would you atleast pretend you do? For Ashley?" YES! I accept it! His mind screamed at him but he wordlessly, impassively nodded to her, waving his hand for her to leave. When she didn't, he looked at her, setting his homework on his bedside table. He just looked at her when she didn't say anything. For a moment she remained silent still, before she got off his bed, moved closer and then sat right next to him. He shied away from her, something he never thought he would do. He had always thought that if she ever sat on a bed near him, he would have scooted as close her as he could, but now, even as he wanted to, something wouldn't let him.

Lily sighed before she put her hand on his arm. "James, look, I really wish I could change what I said to her and some things I've done because of what she said to me. But I can't. I can't take back yelling at her, I can't take back yelling at Brett when I thought he was you, I can't take back kissing Brett, I can't take back all the glances or the words, I can't take back the pain I helped cause. I _can't_, no matter how much I want to. But I want to start making up for it. and I know you will be the hardest to convince, and if I can't convince you than I've lost the Marauders, and when Brett sees that you all have forgiven me, than he'll forgive me and when he forgives me, so will the other guys. Josi will never really forgive me but she'll put up with me because you guys do.

"James, I'm sorry, I really truly am. I hate how much strain I've out on you and Ashley, and Ashley and the other Marauders, and Ashley and her new friends. She is such a great person, I don't deserve her as my friend, I really don't. But she is, she is my best friend and every time I've ever had the possible thought that she wasn't, I was being dumb. Everything I've ever done to you was a mistake. But I can't change it, but I will make up for it. What Josi said was true, I am selfish, I am a pansy, I am a smarty pants who doesn't like anyone that I don't think is good enough, and I do hurt people a lot."

"You forgot total bitch," James said, reaching up a hand to wipe away some of her tears, still completely stunned that she had kissed Brett and he hadn't said a word about it.

She chuckled through her tears, "Yes I did. But I want to not be like that anymore, I want to be someone that has a good reason for someone to love me. I want to change. So please, I'm asking not for Ashley this time, but for me, although I doubt that that'll give you any inclination, let me try?" James stared at her, before lying back down on his bed. When she moved to leave, a sigh escaping her lips, he pulled her back down, beneath his covers.

"Don't go, stay with me tonight, and I'll think about it. I want to know that you're serious, and tomorrow you won't just start yelling at me again."

"And sleeping with you will do that?" she raised her eyebrows as she got comfortable next to him.

"Just sleep with me in my bed, I don't want to have sex with you. That would just be stupid of me. If you stay, I know that you willing to try and you won't just turn the switch when things don't look too bright."

"Deal," she said as she closed her eyes, "Goodnight James."

"Goodnight my flower." He whispered as she drifted into a deep sleep.


	10. The Night Before Life Goes On

"Promise me something, everyone, please," Sirius whispered as they sat in silence thinking about the battle to come the next day. Without even thinking, they all nodded, every word that was said could mean everything tomorrow.

"Some of us, we, we might not make it to the fifth of November and I want every to promise that no matter what happens, we will all fight to the death if we must."

Josi nodded as she said, "I know if I saw any one of you fall, I would want to go save you but that night end up killing me as well. I love all of you guys but I agree, it would be foolish to run to a fallen friend if it could kill us, and hurt the ones that survive even more. We may stand as one, we can't fall as one."

Lily looked surprised as Josi stared at her when she said I love of you guys, but then, love was something they all needed, no matter from whom, but to their friends, their friends' friends, and everyone's family.

"Merlin, I know this is a bad time, but…" Colin stood, grabbed Ashley's hand and fled the Head common room. A ghost of a smile touched David's lips before he stood himself. He pulled everyone into a bear tight hug, telling the girls that he loved them, the men knowing without a word. Tears slowly fell down his cheeks as he moved to leave.

"Wait," everyone turned to look at Josi again, "I think, maybe, we should all stay together tonight. I think…." She stumbled upon her words, unable to express her thoughts, her feelings, and yet, they all seemed to know what she meant. Slowly, they nodded agreement.

"Ummm," she flicked her wand a few times and the furniture disappeared and the floor turned into one huge mattress, "That should do it." she had a phantasm of a smile on her own face. Then she heard a slight laugh come from behind her.

"What?" she asked, confused as to why someone was laughing.

"You forgot the pillows and blankets," Brett said as laughter erupted from everyone else in the room. Her smile became genuine as she heard them laugh.

"Fine then," she laughed and conjured fifty pillows and blankets, and dropped them on his head, "See if you want any from now on." Everyone doubled over in laughter before falling onto the mattress, feeling it engulf their bodies, giving them a calm feeling.

As Brett finally escaped his prison, he called her over to him and whispered, "You meant for that to happen didn't you? And what in the world did you do to the mattress?"

"Yes and I made it so that we could all take a deep breath and relax. We don't need to be too tense otherwise we won't fall asleep and who knows what could happen because of that tomorrow? So you mister, relax." she laughed lightly before tackling him to ground. Those that had gotten themselves above the mattress smiled as they watched two people sink into the mattress together, unknowing how the loved them back.

Hundreds of people, students and adults alike, stood with bated breath as the Death Eaters broke the spells protecting Hogwarts, destroying the gates and walls the surrounded the beautiful grounds. As everything collapsed, those prepared for a fight lifted their wands into the air, holding them steadily. But when all the Death Eaters had passed through and stood on Hogwarts ground, the stood motionless. Silence encompassed what moments ago had been filled with racket. For a few minutes it seemed, no one moved, and then they all heard a deep _crack_ fill the air. As the man stepped forward from the group, shudders passed collectively through the group closest to their beloved Hogwarts. The crimson red slits gave him away.

"The third of November, as I promised Dumbledore, I want to see the boy. Tell me where is he?"

"What boy?" his inquiry confused everyone in the vicinity.

"The special one I have heard so much about from my spies. He sees what will happen, and yet, he is Muggle-born. He has skill matched by only mine and yours; one has yet to beat him in a duel. Tell me who is he, Dumbledore."

"Ah, Tom, I know whom you speak of. But I will not deal him such a blow, he may step forward only if he so wishes." A young man stepped forward, locking his eyes with Voldemort's. He felt not scared, more of determined, knowing what would happen as Voldemort walked over to him.

"You! You could not possibly be him. He is not weak, he seeps strength, and power encompasses him from what they tell me. He stands tall. You do not." The student brought himself to full height, shoulders back and stared the bastard straight in the face.

"You should really not pretend to know a person by seeing them, hearing the account of another. Your spies doubtless no not of who I am, they know not of what I am. They know only what they see, what they pretend not to fear. Their blindness comes from how you frighten them, how you control them. They know nothing. If you want to know the truth, find it yourself."

Voldemort stared, surprised that one as young as he would dare talk to him that way. The boy was right though, at full height, though many inches shorter, this boy screamed power, leaked strength, and gave an air of knowing.

"Well, then we will see what you possess." They all heard a resounding crack as Voldemort disappeared. A moment later, the Death Eaters began the attack on Dumbledore's warriors.

Every color imaginable passed through the air, red, blue, yellow, orange, and mostly from the Death Eaters, green. Screams of agony, surprise, and anger filled the air. Many who had vowed to stand together were separated from each other, but only a few had the thought to call a name before being dragged back into a duel.

After taking down the three Death Eaters that had surrounded him, James Potter looked around him for a brief second before dashing to help a red hair beauty that he had held for the past two nights in his arms. He watched as a green spell was shot at her, unable to hear from the commotion that engulfed them. And then, the Death Eaters were gone.

Josi stood next to David, each fending for the other's back. She heard the spell a moment to late. She watched as green came flying at her, surrounding her. But it never hit. She looked around in panic, and watched as the life slowly faded from David, a blissful smile on his face. A moment later, the Death Eaters were gone.

Peter stood with Alex as five Death Eaters encompassed them. Peter almost whimpered and then he saw her eyes, locked away beneath the mask. His arm fell as he collapsed next to a dead Alex. 'Anything, I'll join you, I love you' he thought as she looked down upon his body. He felt her hand crushing his arm before a tight pinching of his body, and total black enveloped him.

Colin felt his knees give as fire coursed through his veins. He wouldn't scream, even if he could. He would hold his ground, no matter the hurt. He opened his eyes as the fire dulled to see the three Death Eaters Disapparating. He smiled slightly as he thought of Ashley, before pushing himself up to go look for her, worry flooding through him.

Brett heard his name as the black spots disappeared and he smiled ad he heard her voice, but then he heard the three words he had heard once before. A black stream of magic hit him square in the back as he shouted "Coward!" he could feel the knowing, the touch of fire, leave his body. And for once, at peace, he too smiled blissfully as he thought life slowly left his body.


	11. Gone Forever

The Hospital Wing was filled with students, teachers, and so many others who had fought in the battle. She watched as some fell into a deep, irreversible sleep while others woke screaming. Clenching her hands, she moved to the next bed, where a young Slytherin named Alianna Malfoy lay, her skin a blackened red.

"It's all right, please don't move, I'm going to try and help you, Alianna," she said lightly, momentarily distracted from her own pain as the girl nodded slightly.

"I know, you're the one who heals the football players without a wand. My brother can't stand you, so I know you're alright yourself." This small sixth year smiled as she felt the wounds heal, the bruises disappear, and saw a smile on the face of her healer.

"Your brother is Luscius isn't it?" at a nod she continued, "I'm Josi, and I can't stand your brother either. Let me guess, your one of the purebloods like Sirius. Right? I mean out here we never really had that problem, I'm pureblooded and I have friends that are half and half, Muggle-born, even Muggles. I never realized what a problem it was, but then again I've always believed people are people no matter what. Maybe that's why my parents hate me," Josi looked back down towards that innocent face, "You're a real genius you know?" she said, causing the girl to giggle.

"I didn't think of that, you did."

"Yes, but you gave me the idea, therein, you're half the genius." Alianna seemed blissful at what Josi said to her, as if she had never thought of herself that way.

"I'll see you around, Ali."

"Promise?"

"Promise." With another small smile, Josi headed to the last bed on her list.

"Serena Braxtons, how are you feeling?" she asked the timid fifth year Hufflepuff, whose arms and legs were slashed and covered in white bandages until someone could completely stop the bleeding.

"Don't talk to me. Just do what needs to be done so I can get out of here." The viciousness in which these words were said nearly had Josi stumble backwards.

"Fine then." Two moments later, without another word, she dismissed the strange child. Sighing, she moved her eyes towards the end of the wing that held those in a stable condition, but not yet allowed to leave.

James, Sirius, Remus, and Brett were there. She sighed, almost happy. Almost. The vision had changed, Voldemort had changed his mind and she was able to save him, save Brett. But he was in a coma, unable to wake. Hell, she didn't think he would want to.

Ashley, Peter, and Bryan were missing, Alex and David were dead, gone forever, Colin, James, Sirius, and Remus were horribly injured, Lily was a wreck, and she felt like she was dead herself. One man had put her through so much that sometimes she wished that she and Brett would switch places. Feeling bad an instant later when she realized he would be going through what she was at the moment, and she didn't want to put him through that. No he was much safer, much happier where he was.

Little did she know what he was going through, what his tiny twitches meant.

Lily looked out across the horizon. Purity met her eyes. The sun was setting, people were cheerily eating dinner, and everything was the way it was supposed to be. Or atleast it appeared to be. She went through a checklist in her head: Alex-dead, Ashley-kidnapped, Bryan-kidnapped, Brett-coma, Colin-in constant pain, David-dead, James-hospitalized for weeks, Josi-slowly losing herself, Peter-kidnapped, Remus- hospitalized for days, Sirius-hospitalized for months, and herself-slowly losing her mind. Her friends, their group was the one that had been torn so far apart, damaged the most. Most of the people that had died were teachers, mainly from falcon, some members of the Order, and maybe ten students. All gone forever. Two of which were her close friends. Only three people had been unaccounted for: Ashley, Bryan, and Peter. Her friends. It was anyone's guess as to where they were, as to _what_ they were.

She felt the tears fall from her eyes as she wondered what would happen to her friends that were left, even those she rarely talked to anymore. What were they feeling, especially Alex and Bryan's girlfriends? Where would they go? What would happen to the sanctuary they had pretended existed here? And Brett and Josi? He needed her and she couldn't survive without him, everyone saw it. But he was practically dead and she wasn't going anywhere without him, where would they go?

It was all too much. Maybe she just stop thinking, go stay with her friends, the ones that lay in the Hospital Wing, she knew that all her close friends that were here would be there. Closing her eyes for a few moments, she let the final tears trickle out. Standing slowly, she moved towards the Hospital Wing, praying that soon, the horizon would meet her.

Peter lie on the floor, cold and hungry. He couldn't tell you how many days ago he had brought to this cell, but he didn't care. She would visit him often; sometimes they would talk, sometimes….

When they talked, it was usually about their friends, wondering if they were all okay. But at this moment, it was one of the different talks. It was one that he held onto as she was so engrossed in what she was saying, that he knew it was important.

"Oh Peter, it's so wonderful. We will live, only if we follow him. And I have for a few years. It isn't hard, just simple little things, you know. Ooh like a few weeks ago, he wanted me to find out what spells were protecting Hogwarts, and I did. Oh Peter, it's just wonderful!" she nearly squealed with excitement.

"I want to join, I want to help him," he said with vigor. Her smile quivered, on the verge of a frown or a bigger smile, he couldn't tell.

"You really do? Peter that's great, we could really use yo- I mean you would be very helpful."

"How can I? When can I?" he asked eagerly.

"How about tonight?" said a new voice as they joined the conversation.

"My Lord," Ashley said as she fell to his feet and kissed the hem of his robes.

"Enough. Peter Pettigrew, you wish to join us?" as Peter was about to say yes, someone shouted, someone he knew.

"Bryan?" he whispered more to himself, "But it can't be"

"Will you join us or not?"

"Yes my Lord, I will," he said as he dropped to his knees, forgetting the voice. He blocked out the anguished screams, never saw the green light, and would not think a moment more of his decision.

Bryan sat up straight as they opened his cell door. He didn't want them to see him weak. He wondered why they were coming: they didn't bring him food for another hour. Unable to do anything, he had counted time just to pass it.

"What do you want?"

"I don't believe you are in any condition to ask us that."

"Malfoy? That's who you are right? James pointed you out to us once. Said you were a Dark wizard, guess he was right."

"Shut up, mudblood!"

"That doesn't frighten me at all, Snape right? I guess James is a good judge of character. Said you were an evil slimly git too." Bryan laughed a hollow laugh, before saying, "I should listen to him more. Hmmm." He seemed unperturbed by the fact that they were here to torture him.

"Did you bring Peter in?" at the blank stares he continued, "I thought so, could here him talking with Ashley all the way down here. Well their way of talking anyways," another empty laugh, "Course, everyone but him can see that it isn't her. She is not that dramatic, and she would never, ever turn to the Dark side, she loves her family too much. Or atleast what's left of it. Found out that Voldemort killed her family, save James and his dad, and now the whole of us. She loves us too, specially… no I shouldn't tell you that, you could use him against her." Bryan lay back in silence, closing his eyes, waiting peacefully for that moment he would be thrown into eternity.

He felt the fire ripple through his veins, felt it grip his throat and steal his breath, feeding on what they both needed to survive. And then it was gone, and black masked his eyes. He could feel any strength leave his body and he heard the green light fill the room.

Ashley felt the burning in her eyes as she heard Bryan, a great friend she had only met a few months before. But there were no tears. She had nothing to let her cry, no water and no energy. The last thing she remembered before she was taken was going to sleep on the couch with Colin. The Colin whom she didn't know the fate of, the Colin she knew she was in love with. Her heart broke as she realized that she didn't know the fate of anyone besides Bryan. He was dead. Peter would choose between betrayal and death, and she had no clue as to what would sway his decision. And here she was, telling them she would never join over and over again, and yet she was still alive. She rubbed at the back of her head, not noticing the lessening of her hair as she tried to forget her pain.

Slowly she sank into nothingness.

**Author's Note:** You didn't really think that Ashley was evil did you? I have no clue when I will put up the next chapter up cuz as of yet, I haven't started it. Sorry if the story isn't up to par, I have been having really bad writer's block. I can't write if I'm around people that I'm not comfortable with, and well my brothers has his friend over practically everyday =[


	12. Mad Season

Disclaimer: I own nothing =[

It had been two weeks since the battle; Josi didn't know what to do. Remus had been released a few days before, James would be released in a few days; Sirius would be released in two weeks. He had been healing faster than Madam Pomfrey thought he would, and that was good. But nothing had changed with Brett, the only good thing she could get from that was: atleast he isn't getting worse.

_He was sitting, staring at her as usual. But she didn't notice, or atleast pretended not to. He supposed it was the latter, seeing as she would always 'feel like someone's watching me' and he was always around. Always. He couldn't think of a time since they had met that he wasn't around her or thinking about her. She may not have known it, but she was, is his whole world. _

Brett twitched, his arm jolting for a second, startling her. Looking at his face, she couldn't tell if he was happy or in pain. The pain coming off his body was almost palpable, and she felt it crashing into her like waves upon the rocky shore. But he was almost smiling, it didn't make sense. Sighing, she squeezed his hand ever so slightly. She closed her eyes and imagined he was sitting there next to her, laughing at her loonyness.

_He stared at the woman hovering above him, for the millionth time, begging him for something. He knew it wasn't for him to kiss her. No, that was what he was prepared to beg _her_ for. All he could do was push her off and agree; he held himself back doing his best not to touch her. He couldn't just yet. He was still getting used to her jumping on him in the mornings, staying next to him 'til late at night. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself onto his side, surprised to find her lips a few centimeters from his own. He pulled back, flustered at being so close, close to his heaven. No, it might not even be that, he tried to reason, it could just be a wanting, a pleasure wanting. He could find someone else to help him with that. Yes, he could do that._

"Josi, look, I know you care a lot about him, we all do. But sitting at his bedside every moment you aren't healing people isn't helping." James said severely, as Brett convulsed slightly in front of her.

"And I know you like to think you know best, _Potter_," she nearly hissed the word, "but you are wrong. See, I believe that by holding his hand, spending so much time healing him, that maybe, just maybe," her voice was getting very acute, "he'll get better and come back." Holding back tears, she turned back to the man she considered her sanctuary. Lightly she brushed back his hair, even though it wasn't blocking his face at all.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder. Whipping around she came face to face with a Slytherin.

"Ali, you scared me."

"Sorry, but I came to, erm, help."

She looked back to the beautiful boy, no, the stunning man that lay beside her before saying, "But I can't."

"That's not what I mean. You need to get out of here, and I came to do just that." Josi shot a glare at James who was motioning her to stop, his hand cutting across his throat.

"Thanks for being honest with me. But unless it's life or death, then I am going to stay here."

"Well, it could be," at Josi's raised eyebrows, she continued, "See, I think we could search what curse he was hit with, and then we might be able to cure him. I think you should help me find it, especially since it would most likely be in the Restricted Section. I mean, the librarian, oh gosh, I don't know what they said her name was. We had Mrs. Orton, and so I walked to her but now she's de-"

"Mrs. Pince. Her name is Mrs. Pince."

"Got it, so I think you would be able to convince her to let us back into the Restricted Section. And then you could tell me what happened and then we find it." Ali glanced slightly at James, who just shrugged. He didn't know if it was going to work, she hadn't followed the plan.

Josi took a deep breath before standing. Still staring at his face, she gently trailed her fingers over his lips. She wanted so much to feel them against her own. But that was impossible; he didn't want her like that, he never had and, she hated to think it, never would.

Slowly, she bent down and pressed her lips to his forehead, whispering, "I'll be back," before turning to face Ali and nodding, "Let's go."

As they walked out the door, Ali glanced back at James, so confused as to why she did what she did. James shrugged, confused himself. He had never seen her give him affection like that. He had seen her jump on him to wake him up, grab his hand and drag him off, hug him, and he knew she went to him when she was hurt and they would just hold each other. He had found them locked in an embrace many times when Brett wasn't up for school or practice.

But never once had he seen her kiss him. Anywhere. It was just strange. Sighing he turned to see if Sirius was up. He saw a reflection of his own face staring back at him.

"What the hell was that?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know, I really don't know."

"What was what?" Remus said as he walked in the door, Lily slowly wandering in after him.

"Josi kissed Brett." Sirius stated, while James nodded in agreement.

"What's so strange about that?" Lily asked as she walked towards the three boys.

They just stared at her; did she know something they didn't? That was impossible seeing as they spent more time with the loony chick that she did.

"Umm, she kissed her best friend. She doesn't do that. It's just strange."

"Not really, I mean she loves him. He is her best friend, practically the only family she has. If she looses him, she'll probably feel as though she lost herself. I mean unless she kissed him on lips then, well that would be strange. She didn't do that did she?" she finished nearly alarmed.

"No, it was his forehead. But still, it's strange. Just let us think it's strange." Sirius said, without really paying attention to what he was saying. Lily nodded as she moved from standing at the end of Sirius' bed to sitting near James' feet. Smiling she decided to tell them what Dumbledore had told her a few minutes before she followed Remus there.

"Madam Pince, do you think I might be able to look in the Restricted Section?" Josi asked the librarian who had known her for years, who had been kind to her for years.

"I need a note from a teacher. I'm sorry dear but I can't." the young woman looked so sad that she had to deny one of the only students that was kind to her.

"Alright, well I guess we should go ask McGonagall. We really need to figure out which curse is slowly killing him." Josi said sadly as she turned back to Ali.

"Wait, McGonagall would give you the pass anyways, and I know it's urgent, my best friend was killed by a horrible curse years ago. Go on dearies, I hope you can save him."

"Thank you. I am sorry about your friend. I would say I can only imagine how much it must have hurt, but I'm so very nearly there my self, it would be a waste of anyone's imagination." Quickly the two girls set off to the back of the library.

"Okay so can you tell me what sort of spell we will be looking for?" Ali asked as they opened the doors.

"Well, it's meant to drain magic from the blood. I think it's used on Muggle-borns and no one has survived it. I don't know what the incantation is but I think it has to be a nonverbal spell, I never heard him say a thing either time. Um, it was black. A long black stream that paralyzed him by slicing through his back, from the neck to the tailbone and then the magic is practically sucked up, it touches the skin and disappears. That's all I know."

"Well it's a lot more than anyone else would know. What did you mean either time?"

"I don't know what you mean," Josi said, turning to scan the shelves.

"Right. We should get this done quickly," a nod of agreement and the two continued in silence for a few hours. In the end they collected ten books that might have it.

Josi scanned the titles, of those that had titles. One just seemed to call to her.

"Nex per Niger, Nex per Poena, Nex pro Humanus," Ali read over her shoulder, "What does that mean?"

"Death by black, death by pain, death for humans." Josi whispered more to herself than as a response. Slowly she opened the book, skimming each page until she read three words. She translated the description slowly as read it, "A black jet, to cut magic from the blood of a cursed, or a Mudblood. Unspoken."

Ali stopped dead, closing the book she had, she asked, "Do you think that's it?" Josi nodded slowly as she read the incantation aloud, "Cruorveneficus absentis,"

"What does it mean? I never knew what the spells translate to."

"Magic of the blood, be gone." She still stood, completely stunned at what she read.

"Does it say a counter curse?"

"No, but there is something. Is quisnam pallium ex mos suscitatio. It means he who has been stolen from will awaken, blah blah blah, when said aloud, a person on thy mind will have returned what was stolen from them."

"Then that won't help, because then he won't wake up, he'll just get his magic back." Ali said, disappointment seeping into her.

"No, see I say it thinking of him, and he gets his magic back, but if I say it thinking of me, then he will wake up. I mean, he was taken from me by the coma, so to give him back to me, he will have to wake up! It's perfect. It will work, it has to."

Taking a deep breath, she said the words as she thought of herself, "Reditus, regredior, revenio." Return, return, return.

But nothing felt different, it seemed the same. Sighing, Josi shook her head. She concentrated so hard on forgetting about him lying so empty so the tears that were threatening to trickle down her face, disappeared. She sank to floor, the book crashing down on her feet.

"Maybe that wasn't what I was supposed to think about. There's so much pain, it feels like, like all the pain I've ever had coming back. So fresh, and cutting the wounds so much deeper. Everything he helped me to forget, everything he stole from me and hid away." Ali watched as the cracked girl before her shattered. She moved closer to her, and watched as she retracted, pulled into herself, in everyway possible. Gently Ali pulled the book from her limp hands. She closed to book and set in on the table with the rest. She whispered, "Reverto statuo," return to your place, before pulling Josi upwards forcefully.

As the books returned to their places on the shelves, she dragged the pieces to the hospital wing. She enlarged the bed Brett lay on and helped Josi into. Looking at the clock, she was surprised to find it was nearly three am.

She pulled the covers over the two Seventh Years and returned to her dormitory. As she fell asleep, she thought about Josi and Brett, and unknowingly, the words fell from her lips.

"Reditus, regredior, revenio."

Many floors and rooms away, two people woke abruptly, wrapped in each other's arms.

**Author's Note**: Yay!! I bet you know what happened, and who woke up of course. Dunno when I'll post the next chapter. But I will =]

I already know where I want this story to go lol and when I finish it, there will be a sequel many years the future. =]


	13. Breakdown

_Many floors and rooms away, two people woke abruptly, wrapped in each other's arms._

"Brett?" she felt the tears rolling down her face, she could still feel the pain that had come in the library. She wondered if this was a dream, one that would bring even more pain in the morning.

"Josi? Oh God, oh God oh God." He pulled her closer to his body, happy that he could finally feel her warmth from more than just her hand. He knew he was awake, that he wasn't in that dream world he had been in for so long. Taking in her scent, he was startled as she started shaking with sobs.

"What's wrong? God, tell me what's wrong, please." He couldn't take her being so hurt, so full of pain, especially when he thought he had caused it. Neither of them noticed James and Sirius waking in the beds next to them.

"I tried, I tried… And everything, you made it… but now, it won't leave… it hurts so much… I'm sorry…. Make it go away….. You always have… please." He was so confused with her rambling whispers but he pulled her close, and held her as he had so many nights. She couldn't calm down, and she just kept rambling, "Make it go away," so many times that he finally understood. She was in pain, worse than any she had ever felt, and he hated believing he was the cause.

Not knowing what to do he pulled back from her, keeping his arms wrapped around her, he looked directly into her eyes and murmured, "Tell me what to do, tell me how to make it go away. Please, I hate seeing you hurt."

The tears would have made it hard to understand her, if he had not known her so well. Never let me go, never leave me again.

"I won't, I promise, I'll never let you go," he whispered over and over as he gathered her in his arms. She cried for hours, her tears soaking his shirt, his skin, and, James and Sirius would have bet, his bones. She slowly sank into an uneasy sleep, and as soon as she fell asleep, he did too. He hadn't expected to be so exhausted from holding her, but then again, he had been asleep for a long time he supposed.

James looked at Sirius, both again surprised at the behavior of their blonde friend. But even more surprised at the sudden waking of another friend, neither had believed hat one trip to the library would produce any results, even with the smartest girl in their year, the book lover. They just stared at each other before Sirius started drifting again. James sighed, hoping his friend would get better, before falling back asleep half an hour before sunrise.

***

Lily and Remus walked into the Hospital Wing at seven o'clock, heads bowed, talking in quiet voices.

"Morning Lily, Moony. What brings you here so early?"

Both halted in their tracks and looked over to the enlarged bed that held two of their good friends. They stood stock still, frozen in astonishment.

"Lily?" Remus asked her in a small voice.

"Yes?"

"Are we having the same dream?"

"Course not, he's awake," Josi said laughing as she swung her feet over the side of the bed. She walked shakily over to sit on James' bed as the two swarmed Brett.

"You don't seem surprised he's awake," she stated bluntly, looking at the two boys.

"Well," James started looking towards Sirius, "We woke up last night, er this morning. And we heard you crying and," Josi nodding, saving him the embarrassment of continuing. Sure he hadn't heard a word she said, only her sobs, but he a good idea and it was very personal. He shouldn't have heard, and he doubted Sirius would remember much in a few hours.

"Got it so that is never mentioned of again, yeah?" both boys nodded before exchanging smirks.

"Well, then hows about we talk about you kissing ha-ha that looks like a butterfly." Sirius said laughing and pointing at Lily's barrette.

James and Josi burst out laughing at his randomness. Half the time the two couldn't tell if he was still 'hallucinating' or just being his random self. It seemed that they forgot what they were talking about, and Josi let them. She didn't want anyone else to know she kissed him. James and Sirius were probably just toying with her, believing it was just a friendly thing. Well, of course, she reassured herself, that's all it was. It was a just a friendly kiss. Yes. That was a-

"Josi?" she heard a tentative voice say her name. Smiling, she turned around to see the person calling her name, forgetting her previous thoughts.

"Yeah? Ali! Brett's awake, it worked after all!" Ali smiled brightly back at the girl, she knew why it had worked when she was called to the Headmasters' office this morning. Dumbledore had explained, and asked her to pass a message onto the momentarily happy friends.

"That's wonderful," she said, "Dumbledore wanted me to ask the two of you something." Brett turned to look at the Slytherin; he was confused as to why Josi had been happy to see her, addressing her in such a familiar way. But he held his tongue, she would explain in time, so he smiled at her inviting her to continue.

"Okay, more of tell you. Since so many of the teachers were killed," the smile started faltering, "Along with your headmaster, all the students from here have been offered the opportunity to come back to Hogwarts. When we leave that is. He said that he, and I quote, 'expects you'll join us.' He doesn't think it would be good to split up all the friends that have been made. And the ones that go will be sorted into houses when we get there. And you two will still be Head's along side James and Lily."

The two turned their heads and smiled at each other. As one they said, "Of course we'll come," smiling slightly.

"Great well I'll let him know." She smiled as she moved to leave the Infirmary.

"Wait," Brett called to her, "I would like to introduce myself." She smiled and walked over to him, grasping his outstretched hand.

"Brett DeGeorge," he said smiling brightly.

"Alianna Malfoy, but you can call me Ali. Well I should be going, can't be found in here," smiling she left, leaving Josi to explain.

They all stared at her incredulously. Her smile was tentative, and she knew she had some explaining to do.

"A Malfoy? Josi what were you thinking?" James exclaimed the moment the door closed behind the girl.

"I didn't know Malfoy had a sister," Remus said mildly. Sirius continued to stare at Lily's frog barrette, just as the rest continued to stare at Josi.

"See, I was healing her and she was really very nice, and unMalfoyish. And," suddenly her 'I know I'm in trouble' voice turned into an accusing one, "You all liked her before you found out her lineage. Isn't that what you're trying to stop over there? Isn't that what that bastard is doing, judging and hating people because of their lineage? Their choices? You can't just suddenly hate her because of her parents, her brother. She chose not to be like them, yet you act as if it doesn't matter. Well, if that's the case, then I won't be taking up on Dumbledore's offer. You are acting just like the people you hate, the people you want dead. You hate them for their family, something they _don't_ choose, you want them dead. Oh wait," she exclaimed, suddenly leaping from James' bed, "That's what they're doing to!

"I guess my mother was right for once, 'people tend to hate those just like them' because that's all you _are_ doing. You think you're doing something for the _good_, for the _better_, but all you're doing is using them_,_ the people you _despise_, as an excuse to do exactly what they are. Atleast _they_ have the guts to do as they want without waiting for someone to give them the opportunity. I would say you're just as bad as they are, but that would be stupid, because in fact, one might just say, you're even worse." With that, she stormed from the Hospital Wing, her steady voice frightening them all. They didn't seem to notice the slamming doors, the explosion of air that followed.

The last time she had burst, she hadn't held such a steady voice and they knew, they _knew_, that wasn't good. Closing his eyes, Brett replayed the scene over in his head, wondering why it had hit her in such a way, like the first punch of an angry man. Sighing, he moved to get off the bed and follow her.

"Oh no you don't," Lily fussed as she turned back to face him, her words breaking the stunned silence.

"Oh yes I do. It would be bad for any of you to go after her. I would send Colin, David, Bryan, or possibly even Alex but none of them seem to be here," he took a quick look around before adding, "And where are Ashley and Peter?"

Silence continued to plague his friends, shared looks spreading faster than the Black Death. A minute later, it hit him full force, and pushing the tears back he stumbled out of his bed, not noticing Madam Pomfrey approaching.

"Mister DeGeorge, what on earth do you think you're doing?" she called out.

"Getting out of here," he proclaimed, grabbing his wand off the bedside table, daring anyone to stop him. He quickly gathered his strength and strode from the Hospital Wing, leaving the others to stare after him.

"Well I never, no student has ever disobeyed me that much. What does he think he's doing?" she asked to no one in particular. They continued to be silent for a minute before Sirius replied, "Saving the only family he has left."

Staring at him, James and Remus nodded in agreement, before James and Sirius followed Brett's lead, swinging their legs off their bed and leaving the Infirmary. Lily and Madam Pomfrey just watched them leave, knowing they could do nothing to stop them as Remus stood by their sides.

"Peter, my dear," Peter heard his beloved say, "I am so very sorry, but they have to. They _must_, you see, we are going back tomorrow. That's why we've had very little to eat, we must look as though we were forced to stay here, tortured beyond belief. It will be horrible tonight, worse than the few that have come before. It will hurt, but you must know it will be for the best. And you must remember, you can't show them anything new, you have to act as though nothing has changed, especially between us. And when we're called, you must leave first, I will follow soon after." Nodding to the woman he believed was Ashley, he stepped in front of the Death Eaters, thinking he was prepared for it. With a smirk, 'Ashley' nodded to the Death Eaters, and contained her laughter as they tortured him.

The real Ashley screamed in pain, feeling fire blaze through her blood, her bones, her heart. As the pain finally stopped, she registered two other voices screaming in pain before she heard nothing around her as they put her under a strange silencing spell so she heard nothing. She wanted so badly to return home, to her loved ones, to the truth of what happened. Even though the curse had long since been removed, she still felt it in her heart as she realized that she might not even have loved ones to go home to, they might all be dead. If she could have cried, she would have. If she had had the energy to snap in half, she would have. But without it, all she could was sink into her black void.

Josi cursed herself for going to the place so obvious to him as she heard the trapdoor open behind her. She wanted to push herself off the tiny edge she sat on, the very highest point of the castle, falling into eternal darkness where she could say nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing. Turning from the view, she expected to Remus or Lily.

Tears filled her eyes as she saw his face, so broken, so crippled, so crushed. Tears rolled down his face, so silent and yet, so steady. She watched him shatter as he had her so many times before. She closed her eyes, just as he always had, hoping it was a dream. But the moment they opened again, she watched him collapse. His knees buckled, shoving him forward onto his hands. As she ran towards him, she saw the floor almost take energy from the blood that escaped his hands.

She fell upon her own knees, threw her arms around his body and held him. Just held him, as he let go of the pain he hadn't known was there. For once, she felt as though he needed her, even if it was something anyone could do. As the tears started falling down her own face, as she felt the pain surging the air around him, emanating from him, he curled his body around into hers, letting his blood soak into her shirt as his hands wrapped around her. In comfort, in pain, she didn't know. It quite possibly could have been both, but as she held him, his own arms wrapped desperately around her own body, she knew one thing for sure: they couldn't survive without the other.

No words were said, no sound made other than his heaving sobs, her ragged breathing, but they heard something they would never have heard before this moment, nor would they ever hear from some one else.

As the air whipped around the two, they heard the one steady beat, the sound that made them no longer two pieces.

"Guys, I don't think we should follow him," James said as he heard someone collapse above them.

"Why not? Sounds like someone just fell, we should go help," Sirius proclaimed as he remained still.

"It's between them; it has nothing to do with us. We should let them help each other. Face it: it's all they know how to do. But if she hasn't told him when we see them in the morning, we have to tell him the full. We don't know if Ashley, Peter, and Bryan are dead or alive."

When the two other men nodded in agreement, they moved away from the ladder that still hung from the ceiling. Sirius and Remus escorted James to the Heads' room before biding him goodnight and returning to their own beds.

As James entered the common room, he saw a small redhead sleeping on the couch facing the door. Smiling, he moved to the couch, kneeling before it. He watched her peaceful face, he watched the gentle in and out movement of her nostrils, he felt the soft breath come from the slight part between her lips.

He pushed himself to his feet, so swiftly he almost fell onto her. Taking one last glance at her face, he started walking to his bedroom, only to be stopped by her voice.

"James," he heard her whisper. It wasn't in a tone he had heard before: it wasn't mean or menacing, scathing or sarcastic, angry or annoyed, rude or ragging. It was soft, simple, and sweet, it was unheard of. He turned back around to face the woman he loved, and letting it show on his face.

She swiftly stood, moving towards him with her arms spread wide. He stepped towards her, enveloping her in a hug, cradling her body against his own.

"Don't ever do that again," she whispered, "You scared me. I didn't know where you were and if something had happened…" she let her sentence hang in the air, letting him fill in the blank any way he wanted. Sighing, he pulled away from her to look her in the eyes as he whispered, "I didn't mean to scare you, but we had to make sure Brett got where he was going. I'm sorry, I didn't think, I wasn't thinking." She cut off his ramblings with a silent look. He nodded, knowing what she wanted. Taking her hand, he led her to his room and the two fell asleep clutching each other against their own body. As if they were breaking down, as if the only way to continue existing was by holding onto the other.


	14. Surprise

James woke, surprised to feel the warmth of another body lying next to him. It took him a moment to register that it was Lily, that her arm was wrapped around his body, that her legs were tangled with his own, that her chest was pressed against his, that her beautiful features were a mere centimeter from his own. He could feel her breath on his face, and it sent his heart into a fury. Here he was, wrapped up completely in Evans, his beautiful Lily, and she didn't even know what she was doing to him.

No, she hadn't a clue, seeing as she was still asleep, and didn't even know that she was sleeping with him, yet again. He closed his eyes, he couldn't think that way, no not anymore. They had decided to be just friends; that was all. Yes, that was all they were. He had chosen that path unknowingly at the beginning of the year.

But that was so far away, he argued with himself, now things were different. Yes things were different, but not that different. He took another deep breath, trying to rid himself of thoughts more than friendship. No matter how much he wanted her, no matter how much he thought he needed her, he would wait for her. She would tell him when she was ready. Yes, that's how it would go.

"James?" he heard her whisper, so as not to wake him if he slept.

"Hmm?" he responded opening his eyes slightly, surprised to see that no light was on, that it was still dark. He hadn't noticed before. She moved her legs out from between his, pulling away her arm in the process, while he just lay motionless.

"I'm going to go sleep in my own room," she whispered again, so as not to fully wake him from his trance. But as she moved to sit up, he rolled on top of her.

"Please don't," he whispered in her ear as his body hovered over hers, "Please just stay with me." He wasn't going to tell her _why_; he wasn't going to tell her he needed her to stay. But he would leave her the option of still leaving, no matter how much he couldn't stand the thought of her leaving him.

As he pulled back he was glad it was dark: she couldn't see him blush. But she knew he was staring her directly in the eyes, and that was what he wanted. Neither noticed how close their faces were as they concentrated on each other's eyes. Only when she parted her lips to answer, and he felt her breath on his own lips did he notice. She only realized it when she felt him tremble, her lips still slightly parted.

He stopped looking her in the eyes, his own traveling to where her parted lips lay upon her face. He couldn't stop himself as he stayed perched above her body. But he could still feel every inch of her skin, every curve of her delicate body, he couldn't stop himself.

As his lips touched hers, he felt something he had never before experienced: his heart was pounding so hard as if it was trying to ram itself out of his chest, but the beat was calm. Well almost calm, it was beating slightly faster than normal but it was steady with hers. It would be hard for him to understand, later, how a heart can beat so in tune, so freely, and at the same moment feel as if were being clenched by a loving hand. He felt his entire being burn for her touch, his bones ache for her body to be pressed fully against his own, nothing in the way of each one's skin.

The moment he broke it off, he rolled off of her, and the feeling lessened but it still remained. They lay in silence for many minutes, neither knowing what to say. But as she broke the night, he resisted the strangling urge to kiss her again, to even hold her covered body against his own clothed body.

"James, why, why did you do that?" Her voiced seemed lacking, as if she had no breath, no reason to ask the question.

He remained silent for a minute more before replying, still staring at the blank ceiling, his hands moving about restlessly.

"I guess beca-"

"No, please don't guess, just tell me. I really need to know, I have to understand." He nodded as she sat cross legged, her wand emitting a small glow that lit up her face, she looked like a deity. He sighed as he too sat up, locking his eyes on something faint above her left shoulder.

"Because I still want you, because I still want to hold you in the night, to kiss you in the day, to be the only you want to be with. I kissed you because I wanted to, I want you." I wish I could tell you more, he thought as he finished his speech.

She paused for a moment, and as she opened her mouth to speak, he whispered angrily, "If your going to reject me again, don't say anything. Every time I told you how I felt, you would just shove it back in my face, as if it meant nothing to you, as I meant nothing to you. so I tried, I really _really_ tried to feel nothing, to shove it all away, I thought that if I couldn't have you as more than a friend that I would settle for being just friends, but I couldn't handle it if I was still in love with you. So I tried, I tried a thousand times a million different ways but it never worked, it simply wouldn't work. So please, spare me the pain," or atleast the majority of it, he added in his head, "I can't take it anymore. If you're going to reject me, just walk away. I can't take it anymore." He barely breathed his last sentence to himself.

As she opened her mouth to speak once more, he interrupted her yet again.

"Do you know what it's like, Lily?" he was speaking softly, his hand caressing her cheek, "To have you heart ripped out repeatedly, thrown onto the floor, smashed into a million pieces? Day after day after day, but you still try. You still hope that maybe, just maybe the routine will break. That the person you would give the world to, the person you know you can't live without, would see it. See that you love them more than anything else, that you need them more than anything else. You couldn't dare pretend to think, or even hope, that they might feel the same way. They never will, and you've already accepted that fact," the tears were falling down both faces faster than a lightningbolt, "that horrible truth, that unforgiving fate. You tried so hard to understand why, _**why**_ you had to fall for the only person that would never love you back?

"Do you know what its like to look at them everyday of you're life, and hate yourself for looking and yet you still can't look away? You look at them and see, you _**see**_ everything that there is possible to see, every loving detail, every sweet spec of sugar in the cake, every piece of beauty that lies upon the earth reflected onto one heavenly person. But you know that when they look at you, all they see is the vanilla frosting, and they daren't think that it covers the chocolate cake. No, all they see is th-" he was cut off as Lily pushed her lips ever so gently against his.

"James, James, oh James," she laughed quietly as her forehead rested against his, "You should really let people talk when you ask them a question. You could have saved yourself the trouble of letting me see every thought you've ever had about me."

He chuckled as he continued to caress her cheek, "Not every thought." She smiled gently, "As long as you keep those to yourself for now, I'm going to pretend I never heard that."

"Of course," he whispered as he kissed her again. And that's when they heard it. They didn't know where it came from, or who did it, but with one glance back to the other's face, they sprang from the room, out the door, and towards the sound.

Ashley opened her eyes, assuming she'd feel the same stone beneath her body as she sat up. But it was prickly, and pokey. And wet. It was wet, and she hadn't had anything to cleanse herself with in so long. She heard someone else move beside her, and looking to her right, she saw Peter Pettigrew. As she looked at him, he turned to see her. in a flash, he was holding her whispering, "Thank Merlin you're alright, thank Merlin."

Pushing him away she said, "Where are w- oh we're back. Oh good Merlin, we're ba- AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!"

"What!? Peter asked alarmed as she screamed. Turning to look, they both saw another face, and he had been pushing himself upwards, accidentally touching Ashley's butt.

"Bryan? I thought you were, oh Merlin, are we? Oh that would be so horrible, please tell me that I'm not dreaming. Bryan they shot the, and it was green and bright and you I thought…" Bryan slowly brought his hand towards her face, covering her mouth with it. They could tell he had been through the worst, but he wasn't dead. He was in agonizing pain, it was obvious. But she heard him say, hoarsely, "Here they come."

Alarmed, she turned, expecting to see the people that had been holding her prisoner for so long. But it wasn't, no it was the people she loved. Or some of them, but her eyes searched for one in particular.

He stumbled down the slight slope to get to her, his arms spread wide, calling her name is desperation. He fell onto his knees as he reached her, immediately cradling her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered into her ears over a thousand times, his tears finally falling onto her body. She barely heard Lily and James as they moved to help Bryan and Peter get to the Hospital Wing. But she just held onto him with all the strength she had left as he held her next to him, never willing to let her go again.

"I think maybe we should go to the Hospital Wing," she managed to choke out.

Nodding into her shoulder, he lifted her up, as if she were his bride, and they began the silent journey towards to place she could heal. By the time they reached the Infirmary, she had passed out but her breathing was continual.

James held Lily close to his side as Madam Pomfrey started healing Bryan and Peter. Colin sat in the chair next to the bed he had placed her in and just watched her sleep.

"Colin?"

"Hmm?" he brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes.

"She'll be okay now. You'll be okay now." He turned to look at the girl he hadn't noticed before. Smiling gently at her he nodded, yes, I'll be okay now. She smiled before she directed her attention back to the other two boys, watching as their physical pain slowly ebbed away.

Lily watched as Bryan was slowly healed, as he slowly fell asleep, before she realized that someone wasn't there. Two someones. And when she turned to ask James where they were, he smiled at her and gently brushed his lips against hers. Let the two be, he thought, we'll tell them in the morning.

And Lily felt content, as close as she would be in many months to come, she knew. She knew that they only had two weeks left here, and then they would return home. She no longer thought of this place as home, there was no way it could be. Death consumed this place, consumed people she loved here. Yes Hogwarts had death, but not in it, no. no death had been on Hogwarts soil because of this war. So much blood soaked into the ground, she didn't even want to go near the place where they had died.

She leaned against her boyfriend, her head against his chest. She wanted to sigh happily for she was. Happy that is. She had her friends, no scratch that. She had her _family_ that loved her and they would pull through this together. And they could handle it. Together they wou-

"What was that?" Lily said, tearing from James, looking towards the Hospital Wing doors. Wondering if she should go see what the crash was. And just as she was about to move, the doors opened to reveal someone. Floating in the air, carried by a man with tears rolling down his face, she realized who they were.

Tears filled her eyes, not again, not more death. Merlin, why? She screamed inside her head as the blonde hair touched the white bed, her eyes open, lifeless.


	15. Gone

Lily felt like collapsing, she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. There, laying dead before was a girl she had never accepted. She hated herself for it; the girl had deserved a chance at the very least. She hadn't cared that everyone else seemed to like her, before they heard her name. She didn't care that those who stood around her, the bed, and the boy who still had tears rolling down his face, felt horrible for the death as well. The girl was dead. Lily felt like collapsing, she couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

James stared at the beautiful blonde woman he had spoken to just the night before. She had disrupted the fragile balance left between his friends. She had caused them to tilt, to finally collapse. Yet it would make them stronger when… he stopped himself. That wasn't important. She was dead, a girl he had adored, a girl he had been shocked by, a girl that had been important to more than one of them. She had put so much back together, saved the pieces that she would soon scatter again, unknowingly. He didn't know how far with the winds they would fly, but they would. He didn't know how badly it would hurt him in the long run, but he knew it would. He didn't know how she had done it, but he knew that, in the end, it didn't matter. Truth was, she had.

Sirius had stumbled to Hospital Wing when James had called him through the Mirrors. He looked and sounded scared. As so he should be. Sirius had taken one look at the body before he turned and punched the wall beside him. He hadn't been as angry as he thought as he pulled his hand, bloody and broken, close to his body. He was scared that something like this could happen so close to them, yet again. He was frustrated that he hadn't seen it coming. He was angry, yes, at being so stupid to even think she would be ok. She had practically even warned them. He wanted to scream at himself, tear himself from limb to limb for allowing it to happen. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he felt as if he could have stopped it. No matter how much he knew he couldn't. He just wanted to blame someone, and he was his perfect target. He was pained as he stared into the lifeless eyes that would haunt his dreams for months to come. Everyone near the pure white sheets, the stained white sheets, watched as his lifted his shaking hands towards her sweet face, the one would stand out in his newest nightmares for months.

He stood next to the dead body of the beautiful, tears falling off his face. At first he thought that they were fake, for he had no heart and he was proud of it. He thought he was just faking them for it was expected of everyone. A loss that big, everyone should be crying, not making the slightest move to brush the tears away. But as he thought about the blonde that lay before him, the tears became real, they fell from his eyes the way a man does from a cliff to the rocky shores beneath. They fell faster, in more abundance as he wished he could correct the grave mistake that had taken the life from her body.

She should have known better, he thought to himself, as his shirt became soaked with tears. She should have known that her mistake would cost her dearly. He tried not to add silently, _cost myself dearly_. She had everything going for her, but she had to betray, to disobey. And that had been the end of her, the end of everything. She had made his decision. No matter what she had tried to do to save him, she had finally made him choose, the opposite of what she had wanted. Luscius Malfoy decided that, in the end, it was better this way, she would never see him commit the crimes he would. She would never have to bear the soul, or rather loss thereof, that he would now fully commit himself to.

But then she would never see his children grow, if anyone was stupid enough to want him. She would have children herself. The life that filled her, that had saved so many others, was now shattered, destroyed. And taken with it were the ones that could have come, would have come.

As the tears ran down his face, he heard the doors open behind him. Not even bothering to turn, he knew who it would be. he knew what her face would look like, he knew that she would old the hand of the closest person to her as she felt like dying. No, no he shouldn't use that word. No. as she felt like, like, collapsing, yes, that would work. As she felt like collapsing. And the defiant man next to her, the strongest man he had ever known, would forget his hurt; forget his pain, just to dull hers.

"Ali?" the pain in her voice was palpable. Luscius Malfoy just nodded, his body stiff as rock, solid as the walls that surrounded him, them. And then he felt her hand slip into his, her fingers curl around his own.

And he broke, snapped in half as he turned and buried his head into her shoulder, let his tears soak her shoulder as he openly mourned the death , no, the murder of his little sister. A murder which would not be punished. A murder that would be the only one to haunt him for forever.

A murder which he had committed.


	16. Smilin'

"The past few weeks have been hard. We have lost many people, people who were close, people who were not so close. Friends, enemies, it doesn't matter, they were still a life lost, lost to a war we had hoped to leave behind.

"But with every loss comes knowledge. Knowledge that becomes more and more pronounced, so much that some may call it wisdom. Everyone sitting in this room, the great gathering place of ours, has lost someone. A family member, a friend, a teacher. Someone that was dear to you, someone that we must remember, for who but us can?

"And as we remember them, we must remember the great price they paid for us, to help us finally stop this storm. For the storm has come, and we can pray and hope that we will survive it, but that is not all we can do. We can fight. We _must_ fight, for how else can we hope to stay alive?

"The people that have fought, some have died, yes, but they didn't loose their lives for as long as we remember them, they are still living. And everyone who remembers Alianna Malfoy gives her life."

Dumbledore sat down, tears falling from his grave face, mirroring that of the students'. No face in the great gathering place was dry. And as the silence continued, the pain of another loss grew, so much that no one had their mind only on Ali, for they were remembering all the pain of death they had felt since the storm had approached.

And now it was here, and they could do more then hope, and pray. They could fight, and they would fight. Everyone knew that as well, the only question was which side they fight for.

Josi stood after she could no longer stand the pain, grabbing her glass. Holding it high she whispered one sentence. But every one heard her, and everyone raised their own glasses as they repeated her words.

"To all that have been lost."

She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit something, she wanted to know how to hate. She wanted to hate the man that had killed her friends, the man that had slaughtered a million others. But she couldn't, she didn't know how.

Taking a deep breath, she turned towards her friends, a soft smile on her face. She gently walked to Ashley, and wrapped her arms around the girl.

"I'm glad you're back, I'm glad you're ok." Pulling back she hugged Bryan and Peter telling them the same, for the same was true for them as well. And silence came again. Unable to take she said, "I have an idea guys. And maybe, maybe Dumbledore will like it too."

"Well, what is it?" James' voice was bored.

"We should have a dance. Like a welcome back dance when we get to Hogwarts. I mean, I think that would be good for us, for everyone."

"I agree. That would be good. Ish." Brett said as he smiled at her from across the table in the Heads' Common Room.

"Of course you do Brett, you always agree with her." Lily's words got a few chuckles from the room, and then everyone just started laughing. And laughing. Had anyone walked into the room at that moment, or for the next five minutes, they would have wondered if these people were crazy.

They didn't know why they were laughing, it hadn't been that funny. But laughing felt good, felt normal, and wasn't that what they needed? Normality?

Once they calmed down, they were all smiling, something they hadn't done for two days.

"You know what I think we need?" Brett smiled brightly at everyone.

"Besides the dance you agree with Josi should happen?" Bryan said, smiling back at him.

His smile turned wicked as he flicked his wand. Everything became a pillow as the floor once again turned into a mattress. Only this time, it wasn't to relax everyone. Standing up on the very bouncy mattress, he grabbed the pillow he had been sitting on and thwacked Sirius over the head with it.

"HEY!" he exclaimed standing up as well and grabbing the pillow he had been sitting on. He hit Brett back so hard, Brett stumbled backwards.

"That wasn't very nice, you know." Catching on, the girls stood and started hitting the boys with any new born pillow they could find and the room was once again filled with laughter and smiles of the seventeen year olds.

"Morning guys," Colin said as he tried to get back on his feet. Noticing no one else was awake, he smiled as he gently shook Ashley awake.

"Wha—"

"Shh, get up, I don't want you to hurt your head." She stood next to him, away from any pillows, looking confused. Waving his wand, everything in to room became what it had been the day before.

"OW!" the shout chorused through the room as people found them selves lying awkwardly across tables and chairs, with a couch over their head.

"Um, can I get a little help?" Sirius asked, seeing as he was the one with a couch over his head and an upside down table underneath his face.

"Sure," Brett replied as he swung his legs off the couch as he grabbed his wand. With a flick, everything in the room returned to its rightful place and his friends went with them, onto a couch or a chair.

"So about that dance," Colin whispered into Ashley's ear as he pulled her body tight against his on the couch, "You wanna go with me?"

"Oh but of course, however, you're going to have to be the one to break it to James. I'd rather go with a broken date than a dead one."

"Only if you get his attention."

"Deal. Hey Twin!"

"Yeah?" James replied as he broke his conversation with Sirius off.

"If Dumbledore okays this dance thing, she's going to be my date."

"Yeah, sure. Fine with me."

Everyone looked shocked, none more so than Ashley.

"You're ok with it? You're not gonna punch the daylights outta him? Cuz, you know, that's what you usually do, punch that daylights outta the guys I decide to go on a date with."

"Colin, well, he's not like them. He's good enough. Barely, but good enough. Just no sneaking off to secret rooms, got it?"

"Got it," she laughed, "Of course we still gotta ask Dumbledore. Oh! We should go do that now!"

"He'll agree, he has to. It's like, a great idea," Peter said as he remembered what Ashley had told him when they were together. _"You have to act as though nothing has changed, especially between us."_

That meant no jealousy, no loving touches, no anything. So he smiled lightly at her and Colin before looking at Brett expectantly.

"What?"

"Well, can't you see if he's going to approve it?"

"It's not like I can tell you when it's going to happen, I don't get a vision about everything. I didn't get one about Al-" he cut off in the middle of her name, as he looked at Josi's face, "well I don't always get a vision, especially on command."

"Well, go ahead and try, won't you Brett?" Peter glanced once again at the woman he loved, would always love.

"I guess. Not like its going to do any good, I mean, aren't we just going to go and ask him in a few minutes anyways?"

"Oh, good point. And personally, I want to hear Dumbledore had to say, no offense Brett."

"None taken, Josi, none taken." His own smile was sweet, that slow country boy smile that left every girl dazed kind of sweet. But no one was looking besides her, the woman he loved.

And James would smile at Lily, and Colin would smile at Ashley. The love and happiness from the men was palpable. Lily and Ashley would smile knowingly at each other while Josi would smile at them, happy for her friends, unknowing of love felt for her.

Sirius turned to Bryan at this smile-exchange and said loudly, "You know, I think we need to find us some girls, we are totally unloved at this moment."

"Speak for yourself, I'm perfectly fine without a girl for the moment," Bryan replied and shouts of laughter broke out among the rest as Sirius sulked, feeling insulted as well as unloved.


	17. Changes

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"Back again are we?" he chuckled, "Shall I just call you students this time, listing off your names is pointless seeing as you already know who's here."

"Sound fine to me, sir. Ok, so we came up with a great idea or atleast it seems great to us." Josi took a deep breath before looking back at her friends. Lily smiled as she took over.

"Ok, so we think it would be great to have some sort of welcome back dance at Hogwarts when we get back. We can celebrate the undefeated season of the football team, or it can be like a Christmas dance. We could figure out the theme later…"

"And it would most likely bring up the feelings of the students. And we all …" Ashley got out.

"Will organize it by ourselves too, if that would be the easiest thing to do and then..." Sirius interrupted.

"It will be like a total surprise for the prefects and then everyone can enjoy it." Remus finished.

Dumbledore smiled at them his hand folded near his chin, "I don't see why not. I can tell everyone about it today, or tomorrow before we leave. But it will have to be a week or two after we get back so the students can go to Hogmeade for the correct attire for the theme."

"Sounds good sir. Thank you." Brett said before everyone moved to leave.

"Wait, Mr. DeGeorge, and Miss Lillion... I would like to speak with you privately." A few confused looks were shared as they both sat down a little baffled.

After the door shut behind their friends, Josi asked, "Um, sir, what's this about?"

"Well, it's about coming back with us to Hogwarts. I assume you're coming with the rest of your friends but I do have something to ask of you two. Oh, you will still be Heads along side Mr. Potter and Miss Evans, but I must ask this of you two."

They looked at him expectantly, albeit a little confused.

"Bad things have been happening here, but even worse is what's happening over there. And there are children who will be swayed and there are children who will be adamant about staying against Voldemort. What I'm asking of you two will seem horrible. It will seem impossible but I need people who have come close to them, but won't lie for them about something huge. Something irreversible."

"Who, sir, is them?" Brett asked as he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

"The group that just left."

"Wha- what do you mean, sir? I mean all of them are good people, and I can't see any of them turning to Voldemort, sir. It just doesn't fit." Josi whispered as her hands clenched together.

"One of them already is, Miss Lillion. I don't know who, that's what I need you to find out for me. If one of them was turned, the rest would surely turn on him, but that can't happen. And Colin, he is, he is too close to them. I believe that if it were Ashley, he would go with her. And Bryan, he isn't close enough. He doesn't see them everyday, practically the whole day. Besides, I don't want one person doing this alone. It's a very dangerous task, and you will need someone to talk with, to confide in.

"I need you both to do it, but I understand if you wish not to. I will need an answer soon, but I ask that even if you turn it down, you don't tell them, this is very important. They cannot know that one of them isn't who they say they are."

Brett looked at Josi, her petrified face, and said, "We'll let you know, sir. Tomorrow before we leave. But I do have a question or few anyways for you."

"Yes?"

"Well, you did offer to all the students that went to Falcon, to go back to Hogwarts with their friends right?" at the nod he continued, "Well, how would they get to the school, I know most of them will stay with their families, and the others would stay at the school. Those staying at the school I assume will stay at Hogwarts, as if it were Falcon. But what about the others? And those that choose not to come back to Hogwarts?"

"Those that are not coming back to Hogwarts will go to which ever school is then closest to their home, which could be three different ones. Those that wish to return, but want to spend the holidays at home will then be accompanied by the remaining teachers that are coming to Hogwarts to teach instead. Taking the same way we do, only a little later." He paused then inclined his head in appreciation, "Ah, I see, now you won't have to fully lie to your friends."

"I don't like lying, sir, to my friends."

"But you will lie to others?"

"Yes. So we'll go now, get out of your hair."

"Goodbye sir."

Just another nod of the head and they were out the door.

"So, what did he want to talk to you guys about?"

"Well, Prongs, he wanted to tell us about how aliens are coming to kill Voldemort, and take his place. So best be careful they don't do the same to us," Josi said, a little bitterly. She started throwing the ball in her hands up again.

Brett glanced at her a little worried, "It was about the people who are coming to Hogwarts but are staying with their families over break. And those that are just coming to Hogwarts, and those that aren't."

"Oh, so what are you guys going to do?"

"Join the aliens. Would you like to join us Ashley?"

"What is up with you Josi?" Remus asked, worried himself.

"Oh nothing. Hey somebody want to put that silencing spell on me, I think I might have drank some bitterness brew this morning."

"Oh shut up Josi, you don't need that spell." Lily was getting a little agitated with her semi-friend.

"You are so right Lily! Brett, where did you put that duct tape? It fixes everything you know," by the time she finished she was smiling.

"I see it's worn off now?" Sirius laughed

She smiled back at him, "Oh but of course it has silly. Brews always wear off when one realizes one is intoxicated with it."

"So we're not going to join the aliens?" Brett asked her with a slight smile on his face.

"As much fun as that would totally be, then we'd have to join the Sith and that would just be no fun at all."

"The Sith?" Peter asked.

"You know, _Star Wars_? Luke? Yoda? Darth Vader? Nothing? Wow, you guys should be Muggles more often, trust me, it's a lot of fun. Oh, I'll take you when we're …on… break. Dammit, you guys are going home aren't you? Well, I'll just have to take you over summer. It'll be fun, I promise." She watched the Marauders glance at each other.

"Or everyone can come to our house. We have tons of room, and well, my dad really isn't ever there so I'm sure he wouldn't mind. The guys always come over the day after Christmas and stay the rest of the break. So another three boys and a girl, no problem."

"Um, I'd love to take you up on that James, but see, well, I'm not going to go to Hogwarts." Bryan's words caused a deafening silence.

"You're staying here then? In America?" Colin asked in a small voice.

"Yeah, I don't think I could stand getting any closer to any one else, what with everything that's happening. And I've already had enough of that war. I'm just going to stay here, where I don't have to hear everyday about somebody dying because of that mass murderer. And if I were any of you, I'd still stay here. I mean," he turned and stared Brett directly in the eyes, "He already tried to kill you, almost succeeded to."

"Which is exactly why I have to, Bryan. I understand you're reasoning. I agree with you, but like you said, I'm already in too deep. You'll still talk to us though, right?"

"How could I not? I mean I've known you guys since we were like, eleven, ok well Josi since we were fourteen, but you guys are practically family. You don't just not talk to family."

Josi stood up and walked towards him, wrapped her arms around him. She whispered in his ear, "I'd stay with you, but I wherever he is, I am."

"I know. You love him." No one heard their words, but they knew simple words were being spoken. She pulled back, kissed him on the cheek, and moved back to where she had been sitting a minute before.

****

"Can you believe it's already time to go?" James whispered as he pulled Lily close to his side.

"No, I can't. I mean, it feels like we just got here, what with all that's been happening. But I am glad we'll never have to come back to this place, there's too much death on these grounds."

"You're right Lily, oh, umm, we'll be right back," Josi said as she grabbed Brett's hand and ran off towards all the teachers.

"You know, if they weren't going towards the teachers, I would say they were heading off to go shag in the closet, or somewhere else. Cuz obviously there is no closet over that way either."

"I must agree with you, Padfoot, I must agree."

"James!"

"Sorry, but it's true."

"Not the point."

"She's already got you whipped Prongs."

"Shut up Moony."

"Professor!"

"Ah, Miss Lillion. Have you decided?"

"Yes, and we're going to do it."

"Good, good. Well, you might want to go claim you're compartment. Oh, wait, you and your friends will be in the heads compartment. Which I assume is good seeing as there are, what, nine of you?"

"Yeah, so it's a good thing we have the biggest compartment right?"

"Of course Mr. DeGeorge. Well, the train is boarding so off you go."

"I can't believe we're doing this Brett, I can't believe it."

"I know, Josi, I know. But we have to. I know for sure that it isn't James, he is too good for that." _And he would have told Voldemort about how I feel about you,_ he added silently in his head


	18. Stop and Stare

"Wow, Prongs this is, wow." Brett stated. The five story house was surrounded by acres of trees and open land. The white pillars stood bright against the deep blue of the house, the hundred window frames stood white against the panels.

"You know," Josi began, "Somehow I pictured gold and red."

James laughed, "Yeah, well this house has been in the family for generations. And these are the original colors. My some gazillion great grandma didn't like gold so she made it white. And her husband didn't like the red so he changed it to blue. You won't find a single golden flower in the gardens either. But inside, my mother had redecorated so there is a lot of red and gold. Come on, let's go inside."

"Don't worry Brett, I had the same reaction when I first saw it," Lily said after James had helped her out of the carriage. He wanted to laugh; _it's only a little bit bigger than my house. _Then he moved over to Josi, smiling. Lily didn't know he was a pure blood, so he must be a pretty damn good actor. Maybe he should tell them, which would be nice, one less secret to keep. But then who ever it was, well they might tell Voldemort.

He walked into this huge mansion with maroon walls, trimmed with gold, a creamy white staircase on either side winding downwards towards the center of the room. He smiled at the vast openness.

"I like it, very open, welcoming. And there isn't a whole lot of stuff for you to break Prongs." Josi stated with a laugh.

"Yeah, mom made dad move everything fragile out of the rooms I was always in. Zita!"

_Crack._

"Yes, master Potter?"

"How many times do I have to tell you James will be just fine?"

"Sorry sir, I mean James, sir. What do you need?"

"Could you tell Dad that we're here and I'm going to show my friends to their rooms?"

"Yes master James sir."

With another _crack_ the squeaky little elf disappeared.

James moved towards the stairway on the right while Lily, Sirius and Ashley moved to the ones on the left.

"Let us know which rooms you're in, we're going to put our stuff away. James can show you where we are later. If we're not by the pool." Ashley's voice trailed off as the group separated.

"Ok, so now you have a pool too? I'm totally impressed. We don't have one at my house. Mom always hated them. Ok, no scratch that, I have one in my room but that doesn't really count cuz it's under the floor and I never used it."

"Under your floor? Well, it does seem kinda like you. And speaking of your room, here it is Josi."

She laughed as she opened the door, "I love it! How'd you know I'd like it?"

"Cuz it's the spell on room, Josi. Don't you have something like that at your house? The room changes to what the guest wants, even rearranges the furniture."

"Don't be such a party pooper Colin; let's go see what yours looks like. Prongs?"

"Across the hall," he turned around, "There is something in this room that never changes. See the window seat?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, if you lift up the seat, there's a secret staircase. It leads to another room, complete with chairs and couches and tables. Ashley has something like this that leads here in her room." With a grin, he turned around, thinking, _one couple down, two to go_, as Colin started unpacking and Josi moved back to unpack in her room.

"And Brett, your room is right next to his. Dad doesn't want you to have the room next to Josi cuz there's a door that links them, if you know where to look for it. Anyways, he doesn't know about the secret rooms. He never had the map and his room doesn't have a passage way. And the one he had growing up didn't either, so he thinks there aren't any. Course if he had explored just a little, he could have found a ton. But he didn't, and he didn't have the map I found hidden in a corner of the basement when I was younger. And I'm not stupid enough to show it to him.

"Ok, so in your… um, crap, I forgot where it is. Let me think. Ok." he stood for a while while Brett gently let his trunk set at the foot of the bed, and with a flick of his wand, everything started putting itself away. Brett moved to sit on the chair in the corner and James shouted, "Don't! You'll fall through! I remembered, sorry it took me a few seconds. It's the chair. Josi has one in her room, you saw. So what you do is sit on the chair and you fall through and land on hers. She can't come through it but you can. But when you don't want it to work you tap it twice. And then to turn it on you tap it once. I'm not sure whether or not it's on right now so I don't think Josi would appreciate the company if it was."

"So where's the pool? We'll meet you down there."

"Go back down the stairs and it's a straight shot through the formal dinning room, and a hallway, to the kitchen, and you'll find yourself in front of another door but you'll be able to see outside. See ya."

Brett smiled as he flicked his wand to dress himself in swim trunks. Then he tapped the chair once before sitting in it.

Josi was humming as she changed into her swim suit, the tune to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. She slipped on her bottoms, took off her shirt, and was about to grab the top off her bed when she heard him say, "It actually worked." He was looking at the walls, seemingly not noticing her half nakedness. When he finally dropped his eyes to her he froze. Gulping, he whispered, "I should probably turn around now." She nodded as she put her arm across her chest. But he couldn't seem to move, continuing to look at her body, taking every curve he had never seen, memorizing the parts of her that always seemed covered, beyond his reach.

She watched his eyes, still shocked still, as they roamed her body, unable to turn herself around. She couldn't seem to even open her mouth to tell him to turn around. Even if she had wanted to. She liked the way his roaming eyes made her feel, and she knew that if it wasn't him, she wouldn't feel this way, and she'd be dressed and screaming at the guy. And when his eyes finally made it back to hers, she could practically see the lust in them. And that lust was what broke her.

He finally looked in her eyes and thought he saw a flicker of happiness in them before they turned to anger; she whipped around and attempted to tie the strings together. He noticed her fumbling fingers so he stood and positioned himself behind her, knocking her fingers away to tie them himself.

She felt his fingers skim her neck as he tied the strings together, and as much as she wanted to be angry at him for looking at her the way he had, she had to put all her efforts into not shuddering. And when he finally got the straps behind her neck tied, he took the pieces dangling at her sides and hooked them together. She could help but shiver at the way his fingers touched her skin, she couldn't stop the goosebumps from appearing all over her body.

He felt her shiver, he wanted to wrap his arms around her to warm her up, but figured she wouldn't want him to do that. She was angry enough at him for looking at her the way he had. He lifted his head and now stood frozen, staring past her head unable to move, scared to stay.

After a few moments she said, "Where's the pool?" her voice seemed lacking, he noted.

"I'll show you, let's see if Colin decided to stick with us or he went to meet Ashley." She laughed; he figured that meant she was back to normal. Something that would still take him another minute or so. _Cold water, cold water_. Keeping those two words continuously in his head he was definitely better by the time they left her room.

"Hey Colin, we're headed to the pool, you coming?"

"Yeah. You know," he started as he opened his door and walked out, "I wonder if the pool's an inside one or if we're going to freeze our assess off."

"I don't know, why don't we go find out?"

"Hey Prongs!" James turned on the diving board of his indoor pool, with glass walls so one could see the beauty of winter while keeping warm. Walls that also disappeared in summer.

"Yeah?"

"Don't fall!" and he fell, hearing the bright laughter of Sirius and the screams of his twin and his girlfriend as he splashed them. And as he broke the surface he splashed as Sirius dove off the board, landing a few feet in front of him.

"What's with all the screaming?" he heard Josi asking Ashley and Lily.

"My Twin got us wet."

"Well, we are about to go into a pool, isn't that what's supposed to happen?"

"Well, yeah but when we're ready would be good."

"Are you ready yet?" he heard Colin and Brett ask at the same time.

"No, why?"

And then he heard two splashes followed by the laughter of all his other friends.

"How about you join us then?" Sirius asked Josi.

She smiled, walked up to the diving board and did and expert 360 invert dive, plunging head first into the deep end. When she broke the surface, she heard lots of applause and did a few fake bows.

"James!" the laughter and applause stopped as James heard his father.

"Yeah dad?"

"Zita says dinner in ten. You best get out of that pool and dry off."

"Sir yes sir pops. Only we have to get Colin and Brett wet first."

"Fine with me."

"Wait what?" Colin asked only to be shoved into the pool by Ashley.

"There, now we're even."

"Sorry Lily, but you're going to have to get me back later. I don't like getting shoved into pools." And he jumped sides into the pool, splashing Lily and Ashley yet again.

"Jerk!"

"Very much so." Brett replied as he grabbed his wand. Waving it a few times, he dried everyone off and changed their clothes.

"Shoes though, you'll have to do yourself. Not very good at those yet."

"Yeah, last time I had to cut them off." Josi's comment caused laughter among the friends yet again as they moved into the house.


	19. Screaming Infidelities

She heard a gentle knock on her door as she lay in bed, thinking over dinner. She had been surprised at how amazing James' father was.

"Yeah?"

"Hey, can I come in?"

"Well since you decided to knock this time, I don't see why not."

"Well, that's what I came to apologize for. I didn't think it would work, really. And I didn't mean to, erm," he stumbled over his words, embarrassed to say it out loud.

"Stare? Does that mean I'm not worth staring at? Cuz if that's the truth, then please explain why you were." Her words still sounded like venom, slowly moving, but absolutely agonizing.

"No, you were definitely, absolutely worth it but that doesn't mean I should have. I mean, were just friends. And honestly, I'm surprised it hasn't happened before. But on point, I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry that it made you angry."

"It's ok. I over reacted. Besides, you're right. It was bound to happen sooner or later. How bout this, I'll make sure when I'm changing not to face that chair. Sound good to you?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Good, so what did you think of dinner?"

"Prongs is lucky to have such an amazing guy for a dad. Either he lucked out or we were both stuck with shit cuz of our bad luck."

"Neither. It's not luck, its genetics and personality," she stated as she motioned for him to join her on the bed. "Can you believe it's been a month and twenty days?" he reached a hand to stroke her face.

"What's with the jumping from subject to subject?"

"I, I'm just a little nervous. And now, you know since you can't get visions any more… it's just, I have a bad feeling. Are we gonna tell them? That you can't get visions any more? Atleast we don't think you can."

"No, we can't. Besides, it wasn't like I got them every day. It was really only when something huge was going to happen. And it got rid of that blood curse they knew I had. They weren't sure which one it was, but they knew I had it. So it goes to stand that I don't have that blood magic either."

"What blood curse? I didn't know you had one."

"Um,…"

"Colin."

"Hmm?" he turned towards the door where Sirius stood.

"You should know that if you hurt Ashley, not only will James kill you, that I will bring you back from the dead and kill you again. And hey, if she wants to join the fun we'll bring you back again and she can kill you for a third time."

Colin smiled at his friend, his very overprotective-of-Ashley-cuz-she's-practically-family friend.

"I know. But if by some strange occurrence that I do hurt her, she get's to be first in line to kill me. No negotiating on my part Sirius, she always gets first dibs with me."

"Um, gross. I did not need that picture in my head, especially since she's pretty much my sister. But yeah, ok. She can kill you first."

"_WHAT_?" the scream echoed through the halls and Sirius and Colin were instantly at Josi's door,

"Hey, Josi, what's going on?" Sirius said as he burst through the door.

"AND YOU _DIDN'T_ TELL ME?" Sirius glanced back at Colin before turning to look at a scared Brett.

"Well, I, I didn't think," he stammered.

"No, of course you didn't!" her voice almost squeaked at the end. One would think Brett would be glad she wasn't screaming any more, but he seemed, if it were possible, more frightened as he backed towards the window.

She was frozen where she stood; to furious to scream any more, too scared to even go near him. She didn't want to hurt him. Sirius decided to break it up, and heard Colin whisper, "You're gonna get killed." Before he turned and stumbled back to his room.

"Josi, calm down." She whipped around so fast, she nearly fell over.

"Calm, calm down? Sirius, you don't even know what he's done and you're telling me to _calm_ _down_? No, I don't think so."

"What did he do then? Unless he got some chick knocked up, it can't be that bad." _Could_ _it_? The question hung in the air without him even saying it.

"Well, let's see, some stupid bitch cursed him when he wouldn't sleep with her, _which_ the bastard forgot to tell me. But hey, that's ok right, cuz Voldemort's stupid curse, that almost _**killed**_ you, made it go _poof_! God **dammit** Brett, I'm going to kill you someday."

"Oh, well then, by all means. Go right ahead and blast his head off. Or should I do it?" he brandished his wand. Funny how that seemed to calm her down.

"No one but me gets to kill him. Any one else does, and I'll personally kill them myself, be it any of you, or Voldemort himself. Now go away, Sirius. You don't want to be a witness to murder."

"Yeah, um ok. Bye Brett, have fun." He dashed out the door, slammed it closed, and hurried off to his bedroom, thankful it was on the opposite side of the house.

"Josi, look, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you but well, you would have figured something else out from it that I'm still not all that willing to share right now. So now you know I had a blood curse, but that's all I'm going to share about it. You've never pressed me for anything before, please don't start now."

The look in his eyes caused her to stop. "Fine, but only if you promise you'll explain someday."

"I promise you, I will tell you someday."

"Good. This house must be pretty huge for the others not to have heard me scream at you. We never tried at your house."

"And we'll never get a chance to." she noted how empty his voice was, empty to anyone else. She could tell he was angry and defiant, he wasn't going back to live at the house he grew up in, ever. He hated it, and she was the only person he had shown why. She shuddered as she remembered the coldness of the place, how full of hate and pain it was.

"Alright, so we should turn in. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's ok. You're right, we should turn in. And that was a good lie; I think Sirius even believed you. About that girl wanting to sleep with me."

"Well, it kinda just popped into my head."

"Mhmm," he agreed as he walked towards her bed, as if that was what he normally did. She stood, surprised at him. They had only slept in her bed once and that was on accident. And now he just assumes that he can? Especially when they only stayed together when the other needed it. But he didn't seem to need it, he just _wanted_ it. Shaking her head, she climbed into bed and fell asleep minutes later, her head on his shoulder.

James smiled as he heard his door open. He would have to tell her about the secret passage ways eventually.

"Hey," he whispered as she closed his door again.

"Hi," she seemed utterly nervous, for reasons he couldn't figure out. They had shared the same bed multiple times before, how was this any different?

"We're in your house, which belongs to your father, James. It just doesn't feel right."

"Did I say that out loud?"

"No, but I know you were thinking that."

"Right, sorry. You know, you don't have to stay in my room if you don't want to, Lily. You can just walk through the closet back to your room."

"Walk…through… the _closet_? James Potter. What on earth do you mean by that?"

"Oh, erm, see there's a secret door in the back of my closet that goes to your closet. I thought you might want to know, and no, I haven't used it since you've been staying there. I promise."

"Good, now lay back." Confused, he lay back on his back. Then he felt her crawl onto the bed, moving up his body, so soon she was straddling him as her face hovered above his.

"You know, I could get used to this," he whispered as he gripped her hips.

Her quiet laughter sent shivers down his back, "Only kissing. Nothing more."

"Got it."


	20. Christmas Day

Christmas morning dawned bright and covered in snow. Waking up, in James' arms once again, Lily smiled. This was definitely something she was already used to, something she wouldn't mind doing for forever. Gently shaking him awake, she pressed her lips to his, causing him to turn and press her deep into the mattress, his hands on her hips, his body pressing into hers.

She laughed as she pushed him away. He smiled down at her, keeping up with the game they had been playing for a week. She however, didn't.

"James, you do know what day it is, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Well, I figure, as they first ones up, it is our duty to arouse the rest of them."

"Did you have to use _that_ word?" he asked, seemingly pained at it. She just giggled, pushed her hands harder against his chest, and said, "I've got the perfect way." her mischievous grin caused him to laugh.

"Tell me." And so she did.

The other six occupants woke to freezing white snow falling on their faces, the bed, and as they moved about the house, they found it was snowing everywhere.

Laughter rose from the house as presents were torn open, the fire crackling delightedly, and the scents of many dozens of cookies rose from the large living room. The lights sparkled brightly, shining on and off throughout the morning, dancing in the dark glow near the tree. Loved ones were remembered, happily believed to be watching over those trapped in the warm glow of the cold day.

Atleast, that was the Potter residence that morning.

Peter Pettigrew woke up Christmas morning to a horrid pain in his left shoulder. Glancing at his clock, he saw a message, one that wasn't a time.

_Out front._

Assuming that meant he would be retrieved from his front porch, he hurriedly dressed in his robes, grabbed his wand and dashed out the door, not bothering to leave his mother a note. She knew he would find his way back from where ever it was he was going. And they would have Christmas later. Before he went to James'.

Taking a deep breath, he looked around only to find it completely deserted. Sighing, he stepped forward to sit on the steps, before stumbling backwards. There, standing around his house were dozens of people, dressed in black, each face covered in a white mask.

"Peter!" he heard Ashley's exclamation and instantly turned towards her on his left. Surprised, she almost ran into him, steadied by his hands.

"Thank you Peter." She gently pressed her lips to his. "We have to go now. They are escorting us to the manor."

"All of the 30 wizards?"

"No, no. See there are actually only two, but they have illusions to be more of them so as to frighten others off. But Peter, you must remember, as a loyal servant to the Dark Lord, you are not just an ordinary wizard any more, nor are they. As His loyal servants, they are above that word, that label. They are- _we_ _are_- Death Eaters, here to serve our master. You _must_ remember that darling, you must.

"Now, Craig? Alexander? We are ready."

"Why can't we just go on our own? I mean, we both already have our apparition licenses."

"Peter, the Dark Lord does not entrust a huge secret of his, the location of himself, to just anyone. Especially children whom Dumbledore can read their minds, for it simply would be the only thought you would have Peter, dear. Now hold onto his arm tightly and we will arrive in moments."

And suddenly, he couldn't breath, his chest was being pressed from every side, shoved closer together, and when he thought it couldn't get any worse, it stopped. Taking in many deep breaths, he turned to look for Ashley, only to find she was no longer next to him.

"Ashley?" he started to panic.

"She will see you soon enough. However, this is your initiation ceremony and she cannot be present for it. You must do one thing for the Dark Lord and he will fully accept you into his circle."

"But I thought, with the,"

"_That_ is what you must never do. Only those, whom He asks, think, the rest think as he thinks. Now, it's your turn." Peter was shoved forward and barely managed to stay on his feet as he stumbled.

"Peter Pettigrew." The voice hissed almost, as his name was said. Nodding slightly, he turned in circles, wondering where the voice had come.

"You will kill him." Silently, Peter nodded his head again, unknowing of who it was he must kill. Suddenly, before him, appeared a child, no more then ten. Peter froze; he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to kill for fun, or kill at all even. His hand trembling slightly, he started to say the words. But they just wouldn't come out.

"Now Peter, now." The voice was screaming in its hushed hissing. He could here the anger and the screaming behind that quiet calm.

"Yes my Lord," Ashley, he had to remember, he was doing this for her. Ashley, she was the reason he had to turn, he needed to be with her. Ashley.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" The words echoed as the green light illuminated the room, and the child crumpled to the ground. Lifeless. Dropping his hand, Peter tried to block what he had just done from his head, his memories.

"Oh Peter! You did it! I wasn't certain you would, but Peter! You did it!" she seemed so happy at this evil that it didn't seem anywhere close to evil anymore. No, now he bathed in the glow of this act, this act he will come to love committing.

Gathering her up in hers arms, he breathed her in, that soft rose scent of her hair, the gentle aroma of vanilla on her skin.

Remus stumbled down the stairs that morning, that morning he so desperately hated. Taking a deep breath, he tried to pull a smile to his features, one that was dreadfully hard to come by. Dragging his feet to the kitchen, he took in the soft fragrance of chocolate chip cookies, the hint of eggs and bacon in the background. His breathing sped up, God, why did she have to do this every year? Couldn't she change it once? Every year, it had been the same, every year: the cookies, the eggs and bacon. Only one year had ended differently. One year on this horrendous day had changed his life for forever.

On this day, his fifth year, he had been bitten. Still, his mother brought back the day fully, every part completely surrounding him, causing him the pain of remembering. He could feel the pain on his shoulder, the agony of that stupid bite. Burning, right through his body, covering every bit of flesh, every scrape of bone, until he couldn't remember a moment without that pain, and now he must remember it every year. Every year on this day he so desperately hated. This day his mother tried to make normal.

And he would pretend, make her believe it was working, for he simply couldn't bear the thought of her hurting because of him. No, she would have a happy Christmas. And he would make it that way without a single complaint.

"Good morning mother," he said as he placed a soft kiss upon her cheek. She never seemed to notice he never said "Happy Christmas, mum." The way he had before. Or if she did, she may have put it to his growing mature. Yeah right, a Marauder mature? Not gonna happen anytime soon.

"Happy Christmas, Remus, my son," she said as she slid bacon and eggs onto his plate. Spreading the napkin over his lap he said, "Mother, is it ok if I spend the rest of break at James' house? His father said it was ok."

"Why of course dear. Although, I must wonder why you insist on asking me that question every year, it's become almost a tradition for you to spend from the 26th on forward at his house. Why, I feel for his poor mum, getting stuck with you four boys for over a week. Well, it must be worse in the summer, but she is sure a fine woman to keep you all for so long."

"Mother," he hadn't called her mum for years, he realized, "She, she past on a few years ago." Oh, God, how he didn't want to say that.

His mother seemed to forget so much nowadays, ever since his father had left, run off with some younger woman. She couldn't remember much but what had been three years before, when his father was home. When the only problem in the family was his own furry one. And after fourth year, that's when it had all started going downhill. All his father's lies, the cheating, the staying away too long. And when his mother had finally confronted him about it, all he had done was shrug and the discretion was gone. The woman would stand on the porch and kiss that shit goodnight, no matter if it really was night or early in the morning, like it usually was.

When the sun was just coming up, he heard the slight giggles, and he would want to go and kill them then. But he couldn't, and so he just listened, feeling hatred so deep, that only his hate for the bastard that had made him this monster and Voldemort himself could try to rival.

No, today was Christmas, and he should only try to keep his mother happy, today was all that day was meant to be, of course. So he spent the rest of Christmas making his mother happy, letting her forget, and being so ready to leave the next day. It wasn't that he was wanting to leave her alone; it was just that he couldn't handle caring for her anymore. The neighbors were always keeping her company, when he wasn't around of course. And she needed them more than she needed her own son.

So he waited up until she fell asleep, wrote a note, and left to his best friends' house. The house that felt more like a home to him than his own home had ever felt.

**Author's Note: Hey, ok so I know that when he was five, in '64 from my calculations, Christmas was only a half moon, but I wanted to make it a full moon, so I did. Sorry if that upsets anyone, but I thought it would be a good idea and I ran with it.**


	21. Bed of Lies

Winter break had come and gone and for the moment, the group of friends were huddled around a large table in the Heads' Common Room.

"Ok, so no balls, cuz plenty of blokes don't have a girlfriend and balls are for those that do. And no masquerades, cuz well, everyone does a masquerade."

"I didn't think you were that interested in it Brett." Lily said after a moment of silence.

"Of course he is, are you forgetting who suggested the whole thing, Evans?" Sirius joked as he gently punched Brett in the shoulder.

"Fine, whatever. Now stop teasing them," Ashley started only to be interrupted by Josi.

"What do you mean by 'them'? He's only making fun of Brett cuz he has this stupid idea that Brett wants to date me. Which is absolutely ridiculous." She stared around at her friends, as if daring them to say otherwise.

"Actually, Josi, he isn't being ridiculous. Nor is the idea stupid." Jaws dropped at his words as heads turned instantly to look at him. Smiling he continued, "You see, I _am_ the only person who would even consider dating you simply because I am the _only_ one you would let. We all already know that. I mean, if James for some reason wanted to, you would say no in an instant, same with Colin, Remus, and Peter. And well, you and Sirius already tried, so he's out of the question. And none of us would let you date anyone else here, I mean, they could be very _very_ bad."

"You know," she started, looking up to the right, biting the bottom left part of her lip, "You aren't the _only_ one I would consider."

"Oh, and who else would you consider?" he asked, the smile falling off his face.

"Oh, well that's simple, two of them happen to be sitting in this very room."

"Who?" everyone in the room could feel his jealousy at the thought of her wanting someone else. And his submission to the fact that she would. As if he had known she would.

"Remus and Colin."

Colin stood from beside Ashley, walked over to his friend and looked her up and down.

"You know, I might actually let her go," he said and sat down next to Josi, grabbing her hand.

"No, I want her," Remus exclaimed as he jumped from his seat and grabbed Josi's other hand. The girls and remaining Marauders stared at the scene in front of them, confused and quite frankly, frightened. They had never even thought that was going to happen.

And then they collapsed into a fits of laughter as Brett chuckled.

"WE, we ---soooo got --- got you guys," Colin gasped out. He turned to high five Josi and Remus, only to find Josi across the room, whispering to Brett.

"OI!" Sirius shouted at them. Brett turned his head to look at him as Josi continued whispering.

"What are you two doing? We got the joke ok? You guys are all great actors, I mean, seriously, you seemed genuinely jealous. Which you couldn't be cuz you already knew what was going to happen. What could you still be talking about?"

"When would be a good time to sneak away and go have hot and wild sex." Josi said as they walked back towards the group.

"Didn't need to know that," Peter said as Brett returned to the seat across from him.

"Padfoot asked, thank you very much," she said as she sat in Brett's lap.

Shaking his head, he pushed her onto the floor. Laughter came out in waves at the look on her face, one that resembled a little three year old not getting her way.

"We aren't going to have sex of any kind thank you very much."

"Dude, that's not a good thing. Sex is very much needed for every male." Sirius looked so intense that Brett couldn't help but laugh as he replied, "Yes, it is, but sometimes, we must suffer the pain of withdrawal."

"You can't have withdrawal if you've never gotten any," Colin whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Very true, very true."

"That's perfect Sirius!" Josi shouted. Everyone turned to stare at her, confused.

"Well, for the dance. Obviously we have to have a regular dance, where it's semi formal. But you can't bring your own date. We charm the tables to be truthful, you know where you sit at them and you can't lie. And then we have to have prearranged seats. And when you sit down, you are moved to sit by whomever the truthful tables put you!" she seemed almost giddy at the thought.

"Why would that be at all appealing?" Remus asked.

"Well, because, it puts you with whomever it thinks you would be best matched with. And that way there's house unity cuz not everyone will be matched with someone in their house and no one has to pluck up the courage to ask someone else out and the whole 'what if it doesn't work out' scenario…I mean, it's perfect."

"You know, I think you're on to something Josi." Lily stated slowly, "There's only one problem."

"Which is?" she asked impatiently.

"What about those of us that already have boyfriends or girlfriends?" James finished for her.

"Oh, that's easy." At their continued silence she realized she had to elaborate, "We just make the tables put you with you boyfriend slash girlfriend. Either that or we ask the public and see what they say. We can go with popular vote. So all we have to do is explain to Dumbledore, and make the announcement. And decorate, but that'll just be easy. We did decide to have a Hogmeade visit this weekend right?" Lily nodded.

"So there we go. Problem solved. Oh, and as to the decorating, we can make it all like Muggle homecoming, only we have a feast together. And we probably won't choose our dates."

"Mkay, just one question."

"What Prongs?"

"What's homecoming?"

"And so, its up to you guys to decide. We'll go with popular vote. Alright so everyone for just leaving the dogs as they lie to the left, and for those willing to throw caution to the winds on the right." As the benches scrapped against the floor, Josi smiled. It seemed most of the school had gone with throwing the caution to the winds. So the truthful tables would find it all.

"And so, the tables will decide! Now, ummm, I'm going to ask you to decide on something else. I want you to pick between l and r." confused, the students stared at each other for a while until seven of eight from each side switched.

"So it looks like we go with r. thanks."

One student bravely shouted up to her, "What was that for?"

"Oh," she laughed slightly, "That was for the theme. I had one in mind for the left and another in mind for the right. Ok, well it was Lily who had them in mind, I really don't know what the themes are, or is going to be cuz Lily decided not to tell me which was which. So yeah. Oh, and no, you won't find out the theme until the dance on Sunday. Yes, I know that is the day after you go shopping," she added at the alarmed looks on many of the girls' faces, "But that my friend is just to build much anticipation. Much more curiosity, and of course much more of something else Lily said that I can't remember."

"Excitement Josi, I said excitement."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Mkay so we can all go to beddybye now." And with that she just walked off the podium leaving utter silence in her wake. A moment later and the Hall was filled with excited chatter, confused looks, and sleepy children.

"Brett, I really think we can tell Dumbledore for sure it isn't Ashley, Colin, James, or Lily."

"But, I really don't think we should tell him," he replied as he pulled the covers of his bed back. Slipping in, he waited for her to join him before he turned out the lights.

Sighing, she climbed into bed and lay on her side, staring him directly in the face, "I don't want to either. I don't want to tell him that we think some of our friends really are on the Dark Side and I, I can't. I mean, they all mean so much to me, thinking one of them is a Death Eater is almost as bad as thinking you're one. And we still just have to lie to them, and lie, and lie. I can barely get through the day it hurts me so much. I can't, I can't," he could see the wetness in her eyes as he gathered her against him.

"Shhh," he whispered in her ear as he felt a cool drop on his neck, "I know, I don't think we should tell him. All we have to say is that we don't know. And I think we should tell them. I think that would-" he cut off as something he had prayed would never happen again, happened again.

_"Ashley, Colin, they're dead, gone," Sirius whispered as he looked at the burnt remains of a house, "Gone, just ashes." A swift look at James revealed a man who looked as if he were ready to kill. Ready to destroy any one that got in his way of silencing that bastard Voldemort for good. Lily was devastated, her best friend truly gone felt like, felt like hell had come up and the devil now reigned. But the devil had reigned on this place for a long while, for Voldemort was the devil. He had become that thing for all his murders, all his hate, all his power and fame. _

_ Remus, Josi, and Brett just looked stunned. And Peter, the person he was in, felt shattered, as if the world had fallen apart._

My sweet, my love_, he thought as he looked at the burnt fragments, _all that is left of my beloved, I shall stay with Dark Lord, and serve him as you wished me to. And you will be avenged. Those who have slaughtered you will perish. _The smell of burnt flesh reached his nose, and he turned away, filled with pain, flushed with anger, controlled by hatred._

Waking out of his vision, he whispered, "I didn't think I could get those anymore."

"Nor did I," Josi whispered.

"Peter. It's Peter. I don't think I like knowing who it is."

"Me either. But do we still tell anyone?"

"No, but we can't act any different. Telling them would be bad. We have to make sure he doesn't hear anything of importance." He pulled her tighter against him, pushing his face into her hair and suddenly he wasn't comforting her: she was comforting him. And they fell asleep, wrapped up in one another's arms yet again, as they tried to remember the good parts of their lives, to forget the lies they would have to continue to tell.


	22. Ready When You Are

It was the day of the dance: girls were running around as they tried to get ready. The boys and Josi just sat around and laughed. Lily and Ashley were getting ready in the girls dormitory and the boys would (eventually) take the Heads' dorms to get ready.

"You know, I'm surprised that you aren't getting ready already Josi," Sirius said as they listened to two girls fighting a few flights up.

"Just cuz I'm a girl doesn't mean I take forever to get ready. I probably won't even come to close to needing the hour I'm giving myself."

"Yeah, sure. So how long before Lily is gonna come screaming down the stairs, wondering what the hell your doing?" James asked her.

"You should know mate. She _is_ your girl."

"I belong to nobody _Black_." Lily said angrily as her hands rested on her hips, her left foot tapping impatiently. Cocking her eyebrow, Josi said, "Is there any particular reason you're down here my friend?"

"Yes. You, missy, need to come upstairs now. You have to get ready." Josi just looked at her blankly.

"Get ready for what?" her confused look hid her amused smile. The boys looked at one another, trying hard to contain their laughter as they thought about what Lily was going to do.

"The DANCE. You idiot, this was _your_ idea. How the hell can you not remember?"

"Remember what?"

"The Dance that you are going to. The Dance that you helped to plan."

"Who's this Dance that I did what with?"

"UGH!" Lily screamed as she through her hands in the air, "If that's the way you want to be, fine. Have fun getting ready by yourself."

"Get ready for what?" Josi shouted as she watched Lily's retreating figure climb the stairs. They heard a muffled huff.

The boys started laughing as Josi turned and smiled at them, "See, all covered. And when are you guys going to get ready?"

"'Bout the same time you do, I suppose," Remus said, "Not that any of _us_ will need that much time. Right Padfoot?" Sirius just nodded absently as he glanced at the clock.

Josi looked at the clock as she got out of the shower. She still had like, 45 minutes. Smiling, she dried and wrapped the towel around her body. She glanced around the seventh year girl's bathroom. Spotting the mascara, she applied some. She dried her hair and added a small amount of waves to it.

Walking out of the bathroom, she saw the mess of the room. Still wrapped in a towel, she flicked her wrist to clean it. The girls were still fighting and yelling as they tried to finish getting ready. Shaking her head, she grabbed her dress and slipped it over her head. She pulled on a pair of nylons and slipped her feet into high heels. She glanced at the clock and saw she still had 35 minutes. Sighing, she sat on one of the beds and pulled a book off of the shelf next to it. She read for about five minutes. All the screams were getting to her.

"Enough!" she shouted, "Everyone sit!" and the girls immediately followed her orders. Josi walked in front of each and flicked her wand a few times, almost disgusted at the amount of make-up they were all wearing. Sometimes she gave them complicated hairstyles, some were simple, but they all fitted each girl. She barely left any make-up on them, just enough to keep them happy but make them more natural and less, well, made-up.

Smiling she said, to each in turn as she finished her work, "Now, go look in the mirror." Each girl squealed in excitement and pulled Josi into a hug, screaming, "Thank you thank you thank you!" so loud Josi thought she was going to go deaf.

"Now you can put on your shoes and we can be the first to go down the stairs and to the Hall. Oh, hang on, lemme see if the boys are down there yet." She pulled the Marauder's map out of her purse and looked at the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Any one you were hoping to be matched with girls?" she asked the room at large.

"Johnny Carter."

"Evan Zurich."

"Treavor Friar."

"Andrew Reid."

"Sirius Black." Josi laughed as she heard the last request. Of course, someone had to say him. As long as none said James Potter, the world would be safe. Glancing at the parchment, she called out, "Well. They're all down there. Let's go. Make an entrance ladies." She herded them out, down the stairs, making each one pause so as to give the other her own glory moment. She didn't realize that meant she was last.

"Hey guys!" someone shouted and everyone's attention instantly turned towards the girls' staircase for that was the signal they had decided on earlier. James glanced at his watch and smiled as the Seventh Years came down. Josi had made them the first ones to be ready, twenty minutes before they had planned.

Sirius looked almost giddy and when asked why, his only reply was, "Hot girls all dressed up, and on an infinite high when you tell them they look beautiful. Heaven on Earth." Laughter rose among the boys until the first girl slowly appeared on the stairs.

She looked nervous, her hand gently gliding down the banister. The boys were struck dumb as she finally looked up at them, a small smile on her lips. There was no doubt on any of theirs minds that she was beautiful.

The Marauders, Colin and Brett waited impatiently for Ashley Josi and Lily, knowing they would be the most breath taking. They watched the other four girls come down after the first; it was hard to tell who looked more striking.

Colin almost stopped breathing as he watched Ashley come down the stairs. Her brown hair was tied in an elegant bun atop her head, her dark red dress was sparkling in the light and her matching shoes glittered as if they were covered in diamonds. The dress was fitted to her torso before billowing outwards, barely reaching past the knees.

Peter let his eye slowly travel over her body, taking in every curve that he had felt against his body four times prior. He was sweating as he gulped slightly. He watched with jealousy as she walked slowly into Colin's arms, placing a kiss on his lips, before turning back to look at the stairs.

Lily was concentrating on the stairs as she moved down them. Her black dress fit snugly around her chest before dropping straight down to the middle of her shins, slightly longer in the back. There were a few ruby red sparkles on her dress, though none on her ruby red shoes. She looked up cautiously at James, pushing her strand of bangs behind her ear. Her hair had also been twisted into a complicated bun, but small strands of her bangs had been left out on either side. He was shocked, stunned, silent. But she could see the pleasure in his eyes. Stepping into his arms he whispered gently, "You look more beautiful than anyone could ever imagine." Smiling, she turned in his arms to watch Josi come gracefully down the stairs. Well, she had hoped it would be graceful.

Brett looked at the stairs, knowing the woman he loved was soon to appear. She was confident, elegant in her deep blue dress that was tight around her torso and fell down to her knees. No one had yet noticed the slit from the bottom of the left side to the middle of her thigh. Her shoes were a bright red, her hair left in that almost sexy wave. Her blue eyes were lit up with excitement, and she seemed to be holding herself back from running down the stairs. Too bad she wasn't concentrating on the steps as Lily had been.

She tripped over her feet and fell the last four steps, landing face down, laughing her head off. Brett had rushed to her side, but she shook him off as she pulled herself to her feet.

"Oh my God, that was fun! We so have to do that with pillows starting at the top. You go real fast and it's kinda bumpy, but it's really fun. I haven't done it since I was a kid." She looked at all the people in the common room, which were mostly boys and the Seventh year girls, a pleased smile on her face, her blue eyes shining like the sparkles on Ashley's dress. Laughing at their stunned faces she said, "Are we gonna go and be cool cuz we'll be the first people there? Oh and boys, don't forget you each owe me a dance." so her group of friends made their way to the Great Hall, none of them knowing how the night would end.

The tables in the Hall started filling up and people were whisked away to the person the spell matched them with. Josi stood directing people where to start as her friends sat down. James and Lily had ended up together. He had laughed and said, "I always told you we were meant to be," and she had just laughed with him. Colin and Ashley ended together, Remus sat next to a pretty blonde sixth year from Ravenclaw named Kali. Sirius ended with a Gryffindor seventh year, the one who had wanted to impress him, named Mandy. Peter was sitting next a sixth year Gryffindor named Lauren Hollings.

The women were to sit on the right of their dates or atleast Brett was pretty sure that was the way it worked. Every seat at his table but the one to his right and the one to his left were filled, and he seemed quite happy with it. Josi was just thankful that from fourth year up, there was an equal amount of boys and girls. The first, second and third years were having a party in their respectable common rooms.

Josi smiled as the last person sat down and was moved to his seat. She glanced across the floor and saw only one seat left open. She sat in the chair and was whisked off to sit between two people she knew quiet well. As she got comfortable in her chair, the Head Master stood and silence dominated the audience.

Dumbledore gave a grand speech and the feast was delicious. There was laughter everywhere; it seemed the spell had been good. And then it was time to dance.


	23. Into the Night

**Author's note: Mkay, kinda short, but it's my first song fic and I really don't know if I did very well with it lol. And there are some dirty/sexual parts in it. But no full on sex yet lol. OH and I really don't own **_Into the Night_** by **Santana** or anything Harry Potter related, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, I hope I didn't ruin the song for anyone! Here we go…….**

_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,_

_It was love from above that could save me from hell._

_  
_ James wrapped his arms around her waist and stared directly into her eyes. She smiled as she wound her arms around his neck, her eyes locked on his. As the music started he sang along in her ear, his deep voice sending shivers down his spine. She could hardly contain the pleasure she felt as she felt his breath dance across her neck, as her body responded the way it should at feeling a man the way she wanted to in that moment.

_  
She had fire in her soul; it was easy to see  
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me.  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance.  
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands,  
And we sang…_

_  
_ She lay her head on his shoulder, content to feel his arms around her as he led across the floor. Her feet seemed to know where to go. Sighing gently, she hugged him closer. Breathing in his strong scent, she smiled as she thought of his body full against her every morning, the way it had been after the battle and the way it should have been even after Christmas. But no, they had separated and so she lay awake many a night, wishing his strong arms were wrapped around her lovingly.

_  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night._

_  
_ James pulled her against him and one time someone asked if they could take a dance, a simple shake of the head was all they had received. James wasn't going to let her out of his sight for the night, let her out of his arms. He would protect her for the rest of her life; keep her safe from harm as best he could. And while he lived, he knew, so would she, for he wouldn't let anyone take her from him, in any way. And if somehow he failed, and she was gone, he too would surely die.__

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place,  
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces.  
We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes.  
No room left to move in between you and I.  
We forgot where we were, and we lost track of time,  
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night.  
And we sang…

_  
_ She pulled away for a moment and watched his face. And she couldn't seem to break her gaze. Slowly he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She couldn't seem to remember where they were as she pressed herself totally, completely against him. Loving the feeling of his body along hers, if it were possible, she would have pressed her body even closer to his. And when he finally pulled away, all she wanted was for it to stay just them, in their own little world. She wanted to be as close to him as she could, with nothing in the way. __

Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,

He broke away from her, knowing that if he didn't stop, he would take her here on the floor. He smiled gently at her, as he looked into her eyes. He knew what she wanted, but it was only the moment. It was just in the moment. He wouldn't take her tonight, not like this. So he was content to hold her in his arms. For the moment, and when she really was ready, really, truly ready, he would let their clothing fall slowly, savoring every bit her. and then he would ever so gently, ever so slowly, let himself finally enter her, finally become one with her. __

Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,  
It was love from above, that could save me from hell.  
She had fire in her soul; it was easy to see  
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me.  
There were drums in the air as she started to dance.  
Every soul in the room keeping time with there hands.  
And we sang…

_  
_ They didn't notice once what song was playing as they slowly drifted across the floor, completely enraptured by each other, never once wanting to leave the other's presence. So they held on, as if they let go the other would surely shatter into million pieces.

_Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And the voices rang like the angels sing,  
We're singing…  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
(And the voices rang like the angels sing),_

Smiles fell across the faces of those watching these two so in love, so completely captivating. Every eye in the Hall had fallen across the couple, wanting what they had, praying they would find it eventually. Even the Slytherins felt a deep pang across their hearts as they watched the twosome, wishing, if only for a moment, that they had a choice, that they could have that kind of love. __

Ay oh ay oh,  
Ay oh ay oh,  
And we danced on into the night,  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
Singing ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,  
(Ay oh ay oh),  
And we danced on into the night…


	24. The Dance

Sirius spent the night traveling from one woman's arms to the next's never remembering what her name was. He wanted to find the girl he had started with, her name he did remember. Mandy Malloy. He searched through the crowd for what felt like hours until he spotted her in a corner, sipping a drink by herself. Not even saying anything to the girl he had been dancing with, he broke away and moved towards Mandy.

"Mandy!" he called out to her as she stared into her drink. She instantly looked up and seemed surprised to find him calling her.

"Sirius, I um, you, erm, what are you doing? Why aren't you dancing?"

Looking her directly in the eyes he said, "I want to dance with you. I didn't mean to dance with all those other girls, we kinda just got swarmed. I tried to tell them no, but they weren't listening and I couldn't find you." he paused to take a breath but before he could continue, she interrupted.

"Sirius, are you saying that cuz you think it'll get you in my pants?" her fingers were clenched tightly around her glass. He stared at her, stunned.

"God no. if I wanted to get in someone's knickers, I would still be dancing with them, they all seemed willing enough with what they were saying. No, if I tell you a really big secret, would you promise not to tell anyone?"

She nodded, slightly confused.

"Contrary to popular belief, I've only slept with one girl. I like the reputation so I don't say anything against it but no one has ever asked me how many girls I've slept with. It was only Sarah Jensen. She was the only girl I've ever dated longer than a month. I really thought I loved her. But she didn't love me. Isn't that strange?" he continued, not seeming to realize he was telling her his full story, "Sirius Black, School Playboy, got used by the only woman he ever slept with?" he reached out to her, his hand against her cheek. And when he realized what he said, his eyes widened, he cheeks went red, and he dropped his hand from her face.

Gently, she pulled it back to her face and pressed her cheek into it. Slowly, he looked back into her eyes, and she stepped forward, into his arms, and pressed her lips softly against his. He smiled against her lips and pulled her closer. He hadn't been lying with what he had told her. He was surprised that she believed him. Fact of the matter was, the only people he thought would ever believe him on that front were the other Marauders.

He led her to the dance floor, grateful Josi had already collected her promised dance. Well, more of collected her demanded dance. And while he had looked for Mandy, he had watched Josi, for he had been sitting a few tables down from her. She had been sitting between Malfoy and Brett. It took him a moment to realize which one she had been seated with. But he was surprised to see, that as far he saw, she hadn't danced with either.

As he led her body across the floor, Sirius forgot all thoughts of his friends, his entire being solely focused on the woman he held in his arms. He hoped and prayed it wasn't only for that night. But just in case, no one else would get to dance with her unless she said yes. Or atleast told Sirius she would dance with that other guy.

Peter looked at the girl he was dancing with. He had hoped that he would be paired with his Ashley. But here he was, with some pathetic girl who seemed completely infatuated with him, and yet so comfortable. And he had never met her before. What was her name again? Layla? Laura? Lauren? Yes, that was it, Lauren. Lauren Hollings, that was her name. And yeah, sure, she was pretty, but nothing could compare to his angel, nothing.

She flashed a smile at him, a smile that seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Maybe a prank hand made her smile and he had seen it? Yes that was probably it. Although, it was more familiar than a single memory, a single glance at that.

Sighing, he glanced across the floor and his eyes found Ashley sitting with a bunch of others. It seemed her beloved had ditched her. He continued to watch her and just as he was about to break away from Lauren, Colin came back to her. Josi followed behind, slightly out of breath, a large smile on her face.

Angry, he accidently gripped this girl's waist too hard and he heard her wince. Whipping back to face her, he apologized only to watch her smile as she leaned her mouth towards his ear. Then he heard her sweet and gentle voice harden, hiss, "Apologizing is a sign of weakness. The Dark Lord does not like weak people."

"Sorry to steal him for two dances, but he really is a great dancer my friend." Josi said as she grinned happily at Colin and Ashley. She laughed, "Of course I know that! But," her eyes shifted over to his face as if waiting for the blush she knew would come, "He dances so much better when isn't on the floor."

Josi nearly chocked on her drink as she started laughing, "Are you sure that's even possible? I mean, wow, he must be unutterably amazing, not to mention skillful," Colin looked like a tomato as he dropped his head, staring no longer at his date, but at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Well, I don't think I'm going to break up Prongs and Lily, I mean look at them," as she said this she pointed in their general direction where one could see that neither was willing to let the other go, so engrossed were they in these special moments of silent love for each other, "And I already collected from Peter, Remus and Sirius, oh and the most amazing dancer ever here," Ashley laughed as Colin continued to stare at his shoes.

"So that means you only have Brett left," Ashley interrupted.

Glancing across the floor, she saw no sign of him. She looked back at Ashley who scanned the floor several times, an angry and confused expression coloring her features.

"Well, where did he go?"

"Probably back to his room, I mean, he doesn't really like dances. Right Josi?"

"Sure, Colin, we'll go with that. Anyways, you two go dance, I'll find some other partner. And I'll figure out a way to punish Brett later."

"You're going to punish him simply because he left?"

"No, Colin, that would very mean of me, for he simply doesn't like dancing, as you said."

"Then why are you going to punish him?"

"Because," she sounded exasperated as she turned back to look him in the eye, "He forgot," With that she walked back into the crowd, instantly swallowed up into some boy's arms. Colin turned back to look at Ashley, looking confused.

"Forgot what?

"Honey," she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, "When she says something to him, he always remembers. I think she might be hurt, about what ever it was he forgot. Now come on, forget about them. I want to dance." She pulled him away from the dancers and instead towards the open doors out of the Great Hall. He raised a questioning eyebrow as she looked back when they approached the staircases.

"Different kind of dancing, one that you are even more skilled at." She grinned up at him as he flushed again. She gently pressed her lips to his, evoking a response. He instantly slid his hands around her waist, pulling her body closer. When she broke away, he lifted a hand to her face, gently brushing her cheek.

"Alright," he whispered, "You win." And with that, she seized his hand again, as they both ran quickly to the Room of Requirement to rediscover the dancing skills as they pulled away each other's coverings, as they slid together, as the whispered together through the night.

Remus smiled down at the girl in his arms. Kali, he loved the name, it perfectly described her: beautiful in her own way, strange and yet, so appealing. She grinned back up at him as the song changed, slowing their rhythm, but with steps no longer hesitant. She seemed to glide across the floor, dragging him with her, and it felt, well he couldn't describe it. She was dominating him, and something inside wanted to be angry, to show her how he was dominant, but the other, the one he knew was not that despicable creature in him, was calmed by it. Reveling in it even, as if it were the most right thing to ever occur. And standing there, smiling down at her, watching her smile back up at him, he couldn't think, letting his body take over. He pressed his lips gently to hers, and when she responded, he nearly froze. But then he pulled back, looked in her eyes and they sauntered out of the Hall.


	25. Insecure

Brett heard the portrait slam shut. He jumped up from his bed, praying, well not quite sure what. If it was Lily, then good God how did James screw up this time? And that would be terrible: the two belonged together, and if Lily decided that it was a mistake to finally give into him, well then the world was fucked. He had seen their child as he was lying down, and what that child would do.

But if it was Josi, she would be ready to kill. And the poor guy that got in her way, well, that would be terrible. And he would need to know what made her so furious, information she would hardly give up unless he were the one she was pissed at. And then what would happen? Would she freak out about something he didn't know he'd done?

Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened the door peeking out. He saw the one he knew was worse. Well for him anyways. She was almost steaming, she was so angry. He pulled away and tried to close the door as silently as he could.

"BRETT DEGEORGE!!!" he winced, knowing he was caught. Pulling on an innocent face he swung open the door.

"Yes?" he said in an odd voice, trying to calm her down.

"_YOU_ _**forgot**_ something very important." Her voice was ice, but he hoped that meant he could melt it. Cocking an eyebrow he said, "If I forgot it, how can you expect me to remember now?"

Bad move in his part. And he knew it.

Her teeth clenched together, and she opened her mouth, to yell in her deadly whisper he presumed, when the portrait opened to a laughing James and Lily. They froze as they looked at their friends.

"Are we interrupting something?" James asked Josi, slightly scared.

"Nope, Josi was just reminding me that we have clean up duty."

"OH!" Lily exclaimed, "We totally forgot. We should go back."

"No, no Lils, me and Brett can handle it. You two just stay here and relax. Your feet must hurt like hell. No, you two stay here and we'll make it look all normal and boring again." And then she smiled so genuinely, that the two were instantly reassured. But when she looked back at him, her eyes were hard as stone and he could see that her smile was fake. Maybe he only saw it cuz he knew that smile, had seen it a thousand times when she just wanted to be alone and angry with one person.

Taking a deep breath, he smiled back at them as well and nodded in agreement. Josi walked over to him, her hand held out for him to grab. After only a second of hesitation only she was sure to notice, he gripped it.

"Well, you two relax. Or enjoy other activities while we make all these problems go away," Josi shouted back at them just before the portrait closed neither could see how red the two in the room were.

_I'm standing here right in front of you  
They still stay the same  
Then I hear you say I love you  
And my worries disappear  
Makes me wonder why I can't let it go  
There's no reason why I should feel alone  
But I hide behind my skin afraid of what's within_

"Josi?" she turned to glare at him as she dragged him through the halls, her hand gripped so tight his own was throbbing.

"Could you, like, let go of my hand?" her answer was to grip it harder. After a few more moments, they reached the Great Hall and he wrenched his hand out of hers. He held it to his chest, rubbing it protectively, as she threw open the doors. He followed her in and she closed the doors again.

Slowly, she began cleaning, the Muggle way. He watched her for a moment, hoping that her stress reliever would actually work. She swept the floor in one area as he conjured brooms to tackle the rest of the room. When she finished, he magicked it away. She didn't even acknowledge him as she conjured a bucket of hot soapy water and a rag. Getting down her hands and knees, she began scrubbing at the floor.

He bent down next to her and gently grabbed the rag from her hands. She watched it move from her hands, the anger had slowly gone and now all she found was pain. Looking up at him, she acknowledged him for the first time since they had entered the Great Hall forty-five minutes ago.

"Why?" her voice was rich with hurt, something that startled him. He thought that she was still angry. But why would she be hurt?

"I don't understand," she whispered again.

"Nor do I," he said as he sat next to her, absently pushing a strand of hair from her face. As his hand brushed her cheek, he froze. He hadn't realized what he was doing. Alarmed, he tried to meet her eyes, only to find that she turned her face downward as he stopped his hand.

"What did I forget?" he thought that was what had made her upset, and he didn't want her to stay hurt. He hated it when she was in pain.

Her eyes were as confused as they were hurt. She looked at him, her eyes almost pleading before she turned away again and said, "You forgot to dance with me. You forgot to say goodbye, even goodnight, before you left. I didn't think I had done anything, but maybe I have. Maybe I have." She ended talking to herself. And as much as he wanted to laugh at the silly thing that was hurting her, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

_It's my insecurity  
It's not you it's me  
I'm my worst enemy  
It's my insecurity  
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes_

"You didn't do anything. I was just bored and I didn't want to interrupt you because you looked like you were having so much fun." He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain the other part, why he hadn't danced with her before he left. He lifted his finger to her chin and angled it so she was looking at him.

"I didn't dance with you. But I didn't forget to."

"So you just didn't want to?" her voice was angry again as her eyes filled with tears.

"NO, no, Merlin no. I didn't want to dance with you in front of everyone." He paused and she took that as he was done.

"Why not? Everyone else didn't mind." Every word he said she felt more rejected, something she normally liked. But now, now she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to breathe anymore if he rejected her.

"That's exactly why Josi, I didn't want to be like everyone else with you." he shut his mouth the moment he realized he said it. He had almost gone too far, had almost told her the full truth.

"But it wouldn't have been. You aren't like everyone else to me. Those random guys meant nothing, and our other friends were just friends." He paused, praying he was hearing what he thought he was hearing. Did that mean that she felt the same way?  
"Why wouldn't it have been different between us?" Merlin, tell me you love me back. Merlin, please just say it.

Her heart beat stuttered when realized what she had said. Quickly, she tried to make up something else.

But she couldn't.

"You-you hold a special place in my heart." Was that because they were so close? Because they stayed together nearly every night now? He couldn't let himself guess any longer, let himself pretend she might love him back. Instead, he moved to his feet.

_Now I know that you loved me for me  
But its so hard  
I've been hurt so many times  
But you never lit the sky baby_

She was scared, did he know what she meant and was now telling her he didn't feel the same? Then he turned back to her, offering his hand. Confused, she grabbed it, letting him pull her to her feet.

"We still have to finish cleaning up." His voice was so soft that she knew she would do what ever he asked of her.

"Yes, of-of course." He looked at her and started again.

"We still have to finish cleaning up, but that can wait." Her eyes were even more clouded over, in confusion no doubt. Smiling, he pulled her against him, pulling her arms around his neck before settling his on her hips. Then he brought his face next to her ear and began softly singing.

She felt her heart constrict as his beautiful baritone filled her ears, and the words. The words. Was he saying what he felt? Or somehow knew what she did?

_Makes me wonder why I can't let it go  
_

And they spun around in slow, soft circles. Her heart was racing, his body was so close for so much longer than she was used to when she was awake. She could smell the mix of Old Spice, rain and trees that was distinctly him. And she wanted to melt, for the rest of forever, into him. She hoped and prayed that he felt the same, but if he didn't, if for some reason he didn't, then tonight was enough. It had to be.

He was drinking her in. her curves fit into his body so well that he could feel each and every one in a way he hadn't before. He kept from stumbling on the words. Barely. He could smell the vanilla, the roses, the strawberries mixed with a woody scent and his Old Spice. Smiling contentedly, he continued to twirl her, knowing that if this night was it, then it would be enough.

_  
There's no reason why I should feel alone  
But I hide behind my skin  
Afraid of what's within_

Not wanting to break too long from his arms, she stepped out for only a moment as he finished the song. She flicked her wand a few times and pulled him back to her body and they picked where they left off, his words changing into some new song. She felt relieved that he had instantly known what she wanted as she rested her head against his chest.

When she pulled from him the moment he finished, he thought she hated it. But then he watched her flick her wand and knew that she was just finishing the cleaning. And then she was back in his arms and he held her tight against him as he sang another song, the words unconsciously escaping his mouth.

_  
It's my insecurity  
It's not you it's me  
I'm my worst enemy  
It's my insecurity  
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes_

They danced the rest of the night, his deep voice filling her ears even as they danced to their common room. But it was too soon, and as they fell asleep in each other's arms, they both knew what words hadn't been said. They both knew that those words would be spoken when the time was right. They wouldn't tell a soul what had transpired for the only ones that needed to know already knew.

She had wanted him to kiss her and he had at one point. But not where she wanted him to. His lips were soft, gentle at her neck, but no more. Just that once, a memory she didn't know how long she would hold on to.

_All I really want is love  
All I really need is  
He's all mine  
So tell me why I'm so lost baby  
Of something I already had yeah_

When he had touched his lips to her neck, he had known it was stupid. He instantly wanted to taste her lips, taste every single inch of her skin, to know what lay beneath. And so he held himself back, careful even where his hands lay. He could still taste her on his lips; feel the heat of her skin against them. He would hold onto that feeling for the rest of forever: _that_ he knew. So tonight he was content to hold her body against his own, their fingers entwined, and if he listened closely, he could hear their steady heartbeat. The same single beat he had heard months ago just hours after he had woken from a coma. That moment seemed so long ago. But now he had to hold onto the future, to let the past be the past.

And hell, maybe he had been wrong earlier in the year when he said _"I'm not the guy who gets to get married and lives happily ever after with a wife and three kids. I won't _let_ myself be."_ Maybe he would.

_  
It's my insecurity  
It's not you it's me  
I'm my worst enemy  
It's my insecurity  
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes_

Maybe he would.__

**Author's Note:**** GAHHHH tell me, did I do this one better? Oh, song belongs to Nikki Flores and I own no harry Potter blah blah blah. I think I did better on this one but let me know if I should just give up on the occasional song fics. Please and thanks =] and the first song he sings is the song that is written =]**__


	26. The Letter

DICLAIMER: I own no Harry Potter, and the lyrics belong to Acceptance

_I take it all to heart  
Don't point the finger  
Choose the winner  
Hold your own  
It's never been arranged  
Who's the liar  
I'm the coward  
The letter read like this..._

The next morning, rumors were flying about who slept with whom, who was now dating whom, and even who had 'betrayed' their House, even if only for one night. Ally was wound in Chris' arms, her head on his shoulder as they sat on the bench. Sleep still showed in their faces while they sat at the tables, not once touching their breakfasts.

I looked around at the faces of everyone else, seeing the sandman gently and ever so slowly fading away. I couldn't understand how everyone was so tired; I had gone to bed a long time after everyone else had. Actually, I had gone to bed not even four hours ago. And yet, I was more awake then anyone had a right to be. Well, atleast that's what Ally mumbled to me.

And I, of course, had chuckled at her, as she closed her eyes again and rested her head against her lover's shoulder. You couldn't look at them without smiling, they fit so well together. His arm wrapped around her waist, her own arm lay across it so her fingers could lace themselves with his. So much was right in the world in this moment for them.

I wish we could do that. But we can't, mainly because we still haven't really told each other how we feel. Last night had been amazing, truly. And as we had lain together, pulled up tight against each other, it felt different, better. I mean, we hadn't really said anything, which we need to say, soon. But it felt as if we were getting closer to the way it should be, that righteous feeling that I need so much to feel.

I see Jack and Lavender, and they look alert too. She shoves him away lightly and he grabs her hand to pull her body back to his. Laughter, always happy laughter. And there's no way I would want that to change for them.

She's glowing, but not that 'I just lost myself to him' glow, but the happy glow that said 'I love him and he loves me, so much that he won't even ask' but something had happened that much was also obvious.

Maybe he stumbled over his words, knowing _what_ he wanted to say, unclear as to _**how**_. And when the words finally tumbled off his lips, desperate eyes seeking her permission, shaking heart needing her to feel the same. And she would of course, that was why she glowed. And the world was right for them.

I glanced at Phineas, his face lying on his arms, settled against the table top. He looked not tired, but worn. As if something had happened to him that was extremely painful, extremely hard. And I instantly knew what had happened to him: Voldemort.

I wanted to kill him for what he was doing, for this betrayal he was choosing to make. But then I would never know why he had done it, and that I needed to know, that I _had_ to know.

My eyes drifted past him and landed on Randy. His face was pale and sickly. Of course, full moon in a few days. He should have stayed back and gotten more sleep. Merlin, I sound like I'm his mother. He should do exactly what he wants to do; he shouldn't be ruled by his lycanthropy.

I hope he had a good time last night, who was he with? I can't remember her name, but I'm not quite sure whether or not he does, and isn't that what really matters? I mean, if he liked her then that would be good for him so he would remember her name. I'm not quite sure if that would be good for her or not. But whatever, and if he didn't like her he wouldn't remember her name and all would be done with.

Well, if he were like Jack and Shane, he wouldn't remember her name. Hell, he wouldn't even remember what her hair color was. But Randy is, well he's Randy. And so it doesn't really matter if he likes her or not because he'll remember her name anyways cuz that's the kind of guy he is.

I can't help but wonder what he really does think of her, of anyone for that matter. Does he really like Jack and Shane and Phineas? Or does he just stay with him for what they have done for him, because he finally has people who won't run from him? Does he only put up with us because the only people who have ever accepted him like us? Or does he really care?

I heard him call my name and looked to see his eyebrows raised at me.

"Yeah?" I answer, furrowing my eyes in confusion.

"Why were you staring at me?"

"Oh, I didn't realize I was staring at you, just off into space is all."

His gaze instantly became one of concern as he straightened up, as if this was all he could do, "Is something wrong?" even his words were filled with concern. And it made me think that he was good at pretending to care, too good.

"Just about the war. Or atleast, the coming one." Good, that would keep him off track. Wait, why did I want him off track? And off track of _what_ precisely? Oh Merlin, I was becoming an accuser. That thought just doesn't sit well with me.

He nodded and looked away. I wanted to smack my head on the table for my stupidity, Merlin I already know who the betrayer is. Unless there's more than one.

Fuck.

It's the day after the full moon, almost a week after the dance and I still haven't said a word. About how I feel and neither has the one I feel for. I'm starting to go crazy, keeping all these things hidden and I really just need to scream them to the world.

But I can't. I'm sitting in potions with the enemy right now, staring blankly at the teacher, not sure what he's saying. And anyways, it doesn't matter; I can get the notes from Lavender.

Everyone is looking at me expectantly and I jump to respond, realizing the teacher was asking me a question. Lavender whispers the answer in my ear and I repeat it, knowing she would be right.

"The Paralyzing Potion needs a drop of blood from the one you intend to paralyze." The teacher looks at me for a second before moving back into his speech. I throw a grateful glance at Lavender and she gives me a look that says I had better explain.

And so I did. I told her everything. Not. I couldn't tell her about what happened the night of the dance because we had an unspoken promise to keep it hidden, I couldn't tell her that Phineas was the spy, I couldn't tell her about anything really. So I told her a half truth as we were locked up in the Common Room. I knew she wouldn't let me go until I gave her a satisfying answer.

"What was wrong with you today in Potions? What has been going on with you this past week? You aren't Randy so you have no reason to be since you're obviously not sick!" a second later she threw her hands over her face as if she shouldn't have said anything. As if I didn't know.

"I know Lavender, I know."

"Did he tell you? I mean I figured it out with my first year here, but he didn't tell me about it until I started dating James and I didn't know if you knew or who all knew or anything like that."

"He didn't have to tell me." Realization dawned on her face and she blushed.

"Back to the original topic," I said, a moment later wanting to slam my head against a wall, yet again. Merlin, I'm violent this week.

"Of course. Why are you so out of it? Come on now, spit it out," her voice was impatient. Stupid idiotic self.

So a half truth will have to do. "Because I've got a lot to think through. School work, Head work, drama from people, the war, my friends and so much more. Plus next year, I mean we'll be out of school, into the real world. That's not even six months away."

"I understand, but maybe, maybe you should take a break from Head stuff. That might help." I stared at her like she was cuckoo. She would never usually suggest that, and besides, she actually believed it. As if it were the whole truth. I couldn't even nod, and she seemed to think better of what she saying.

"Well, not if you don't want to. I'm sure we can find something else to help you. I mean it really is a big problem that you should fix soon."

The portrait opened to Jenny and Jack laughing and I caught her knowing smile. I smiled back briefly before she started in as if she didn't know what was going on.

"So Ben, what's this big problem that you should get fixed soon? Is something getting to big for you to handle or is something loosing its size so that you must fix it soon before it goes poof?" Lavender was staring at her in horror as Jack collapsed into fits of laughter. But she was serious, or atleast everything about her was, except her eyes. They were brimming with laughter.

Playing along, I said, "Well, you see, I've done nothing different for pretty much my entire life and everything just seems to be getting out of control. I mean sometimes it feels like everyone knows it but they just don't want to tell me. And I can't figure out if it's a good thing or a bad one." The look on Lavender's face was priceless. Jenny couldn't help it; she joined Jack in his endless laughter. A smile lifted the corner of my mouth but nothing else.

For weeks it seemed as though that moment was the only one I could fall back on when I needed to breathe. I was growing distant from everyone and I couldn't seem to figure out why. And then I realized the one thing I didn't have was the only other thing I needed. A confidant. So here I sit, writing you this letter, unable to do anything else.

I know that it may get intercepted, but really, it doesn't matter to me. I didn't even use their names, not their real ones. And even if I had, would it really matter in the long run? I'm not quite sure what to do now.

Maybe I'm just being hopeful, maybe this won't end up anywhere but the hands of a stranger who doesn't care. It's not addressed so maybe this bird will bring it back to me. But for now, I don't care. Atleast I can feel the burden lessen. I can walk straight without hardly concentrating. I can breathe without feeling as though it would be my last breath, I can see what stands in front of me, I can hear clearly the hoots of the owls above me, and I can finally taste the air. Maybe I'll finally taste the world.

But atleast I can hope. We start break soon, and then maybe I'll find out. Does my world really taste as good as I hope it will?

Sincerely,

Ben

Josi looked up as an owl tapped the window of Brett's bedroom. The letter wasn't addressed to anyone, so she opened it. As her eyes scanned over the paper, she realized how blind she truly was. She tucked the letter into her pocket. She knew who had written it, she knew she wouldn't be able to see his face tonight, and she knew she was going to write him back.

She would change her writing of course, and he would never know who it was, but she had too. She knew that he meant her, that she was the one who hadn't said a word to him, to whom he hadn't said a word to either.

"Good night," she called to him as she walked into her room through the common room he was entering. He looked so surprised to see her enter her own room that he nearly stumbled.

"Yeah, G'night." He watched her walk into her room, for the first time in weeks. The last time she had was back in the beginning of January. Tomorrow was April Fool's Day. Good God, she wouldn't be with him tonight.

That simple thought shattered him.

"James?" he looked up to see his Lily standing at the foot of his bed, seemingly unsure of herself. Her arms were wrapped around her chest, as if she were trying to hold herself together.

"Yeah?" he said as he patted the bed next to him. She hesitated, something she hadn't done since the first time she had come to his room. When she finally moved, he pulled the covers back, asking her to join him.

She bit the inside of her cheek, before pulling her wand out of pocket. She dimmed the lights and set the wand on the bedside table. Plucking the book out of his hands, she placed it beside her wand.

"What are you doing Lily?" he asked as she lay down next to him, before rolling so she lay across his body.

His hands gripped her hips of their own accord. She smiled down at him, her hair falling on the sides, tickling his face, his neck, his bare torso. Her hands were warm against his chest, sending small thrills every time she traced her fingers over his skin. He shivered beneath her, unable to stop himself, he brought his lips to hers, pulling her face back down with his.

She touched her tongue to his lips, gaining access instantly. His strong hands gripped her hips and she felt herself grind herself into him, unable to stop herself. Even if she wanted to.

His fingers pushed and pulled at the light tank top she was wearing. She reared back, pulling her lips from his only long enough to tug that piece of fabric from her skin. His hands were hot and soft against her breasts as she pushed her lips against his yet again.

Her breasts were soft and simple, enough to drive him crazy and soon his lips traced their way from her lips to her breast, trailing heatedly down her neck. Somehow, she was on top of him again, straddling his body.

His fingers fumbled with the strings tying the pants to her body, trying so hastily to remove another blockade. Heart racing she let him push her pants and panties down to her knees where she promptly fell back against his body, kicking them off.

Her fingers were soft as her lips as they slid beneath his boxers. He could feel the heat of her body so close and when he rolled her beneath him, kicking off his boxers, he continued to hold her down.

His gaze was questioning as they lay naked, him perched above her. She nodded gently, her smile soft and sweet, eyes dark with desire, as she gripped his shoulder in preparation. He was slow and gentle, but the moment he slipped into her, she gaped in pleasure. He felt amazing to have inside of her.

He rocked his body against hers, her hips grinding his back as she arched in pleasure every time he thrust harder into her.

Her breaths were ragged, catching every now and again as they rode higher and higher, so lost into each other that they knew nothing else. Nothing but each other and the pleasure that filled their bodies. And in that final moment of ecstasy, she screamed, her body no longer able to take it as he released himself into her.

Collapsed against her, his body pressing into hers, he couldn't move. He couldn't think. She felt his weight, good solid, sturdy weight above her and couldn't help but smile as they both fell into darkness.


	27. The Proposal

AN: I own nothing.

Broken hands and broken hearts lay together. But if there is one person to put them back together, heal them, these small pieces of your body, all would be alright wouldn't it? Wrong.

I used to think that when people heal you on the outside, the healed you on the inside too. Wrong again. I didn't realize that the hand and the heart were as different as a man and a woman. Yes, they lie together, quite often, but they are not the same at all.

Only a man could make me realize this, and I often wonder how he had. But does that really matter? No, not really. All that does matter is that he did, made me realize the truth.

Maybe it was because he was the first to ever heal my heart. And he always healed my heart first. He knew which was more important to me, knew I would have a stone heart if he put my body before my feelings.

But what ever he did, it worked. I can see so much more with open eyes and an open heart. I can see everything but him. I can read him pretty well, yes, when his eyes aren't closed. And lately, he has been too closed for me to see, for me to help. I only realized he needed help as I read your letter, Ben, so for that I must thank you.

I'm sure that's not what you wanted to read, since obviously you really don't care if you get a letter back. Nor do I, for that matter. But having a confidant is a good thing, an extremely good thing.

Somehow a stranger is more comforting than a friend. For a friend would judge you for who they think you are, but a stranger can only judge what lies in front of them. Don't you agree?

If you don't, it really doesn't matter. You'll probably never write me back. But I wanted to tell you, Ben, that my pen is always open to you. I mean that if you ever need a confidant, or someone to talk to, whatever, write me. And I'll write you back.

You know, it would be nice to know what your name is. I know, mine is fake, but obviously, it is very hard to have a conversation if you don't know someone's name. A name is part of someone, something to connect with. I really hope that you will, eventually, tell me what your name is. And I am willing to take you up on that offer as long as it also applies to you. Although I do like the symbol, even if I don't know what it means. Latin, right?

Ben

Volpes.

Brett stared at the one word on the paper. He assumed that meant she, he was assuming he was talking to a girl, was accepting his offer. As he had accepted hers. Smiling, he slid open he desk drawer, glad to be back from break. They had gone to James' home again, but Josi had taken them out to explore the Muggle World. Watching movies, going to amusement parks, wandering around the Muggle mall to shop, all part of her 'Muggle experience'.

Watching James' and Sirius' fascination was amusing in itself. They had stared open mouthed at the rides, insisting on riding everyone. Even the little kiddy ones.

He heard someone scream and instantly he was out of his chair, running to Josi's room. Bursting through the door, he saw three girls wrapped around each other, jumping up and down in excitement. They didn't even seem to hear Brett. Laughing, he walked over to them and asked, "What's with the screaming, you almost gave me a heart attack?"

Josi broke off from the group, grinning ear to ear as she skipped so she stood in front of him.

"Prongs and Lily are going to get married!"

"Wait, what? When did this happen?"

The other two girls broke apart and Lily, grinning like a lunatic, held out her left hand to him.

"Last night. We snuck out to Hogsmeade and he brought me to this really romantic hill, looking over the town and then he proposed!" he was smiling as he examined her ring: the band a soft gold that resembles the stem of a lily, the diamond an emerald green color in the shape of the lily flower. He looked up at her and said, "Thanks for sparing the in depth details," she nodded her head as he dropped her hand.

"Brett!" they all heard Sirius call out.

"Got to go, otherwise he'll kill me. See ya. Congrats Lils."

Moving out, he gently closed the door behind him, hearing the screams again for a moment before, he figured, Lily went into deep detail. Shaking his head, he grinned up at Sirius.

"Prongs wants to tell us something. Although, judging from that you already know what it is and I've got a pretty good guess." Grinning even wider he continued, "I call best man." Laughing Brett agreed and they moved into James' bedroom. He seemed very nervous, wringing his hands.

"Umm, hi guys. Ok, I have something I really have to tell you," he glanced at his closest guy friends, three sets of eyes wondering, two knowing.

"Ok, so umm, last night I, uh, I. Merlin how do I say this?" the last part he was looking up towards his ceiling, whispering under his breath.

"Lily didn't seem to have a problem with it," Brett put in. James froze as he stared at Brett. "Did she tell you?" Brett nodded before replying, "They won't take it too bad, I'm pretty sure." Relieved, it seemed James got his confidence back and he proudly stated, "Lily and I are gonna get married." The other boys in the room froze and Sirius took this chance to stake his claim, "I call best man!"

The other boys started laughing and James smiled and said, "Without a doubt, Padfoot, without a doubt. But you're all going to be in the wedding."

The other boys nodded before Peter asked, "How are you going to tell your dad?"

"I was thinking through the invitation, you know, that way he can't kill me. So many people would be disappointed."

"No, I have a better idea Prongs, you get Dumbledore to let you take Saturday and floo to your dad's house. Then tell him, see his reaction and then floo back."

"And if he isn't there?"

"Well, James, I think that you could tell him you have something very important to tell him and so he has to be there Saturday. Write him a letter." Nodding, James sat down on his bed, his eyes somewhere else.

"So if that's all, we'll all be going." Colin declared, his hand fiddling with a little box in his pocket. He stood and walked out of the room, the others following behind him.

Brett tapped him on the shoulder, pulling him out of his head. He tilted his head towards the door and, confused, Colin followed.

"Not tonight. Let her live with Lily in the night," Brett said the moment the portrait closed behind them; "She'll only answer you when it's the right time. Tonight definitely isn't." with that he spoke the password and promptly went back to his room.

Colin stood, dumbfounded. He hadn't been planning on asking her tonight, he never thought about when. He knew he just needed to sometime soon. He needed her to be with him every night, wake up to her face every morning, kiss her everyday, feel her in his arms for the rest of his life. No matter how short it probably was. He couldn't live without her.

Sighing to himself, he started walking to his dorm, thinking about her beautiful face when he heard the door open and she came out a big smile on her face. He smiled at her, "Hey beautiful."

"Hey yourself," she replied laughing as she linked their arms together, a joyous bounce in her step. He couldn't help but laugh at her infectious happiness.

"Guess what."

"You're Maid of Honor?" he guessed.

"Spoil sport. Took away all the fun of telling you. But anyways, I hear that means I have to walk down the aisle with Sirius. And of course I have to dance a dance or two with him. I can only hope he doesn't trip or step on my feet."

Laughing he replied, "You do know that there are like five men and two girls that will be in the wedding, excluding the couple of course."

Her face screwed up in concentration, "Good point. That would mean that I get two men as escorts, Josi gets two men as escorts, and then one of you gets to give her away. Unless she asks James' father to do that. Poor man, he's gonna be the only parent at the wedding." She sighed, thinking of her lonely uncle. She really did feel for him.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her close in the middle of the corridor, not caring if anyone came. She leaned her head against his shoulder, deeply breathing him in. wrapping his arms around he whispered, "I'm here. I'll always be here."

Lily smiled at her fiancé as he entered the Common Room. He smiled back at her, sitting next to her, holding her hand in his. Josi couldn't help the giddy grin that crossed her lips as Brett felt his lips curl in a genuine smile for the two. Not wanting to break their moment, but knowing she had to, Josi began telling them why they were having this meeting.

"Okay, so me and Brett were thinking, that since you two are now engaged, that you would prefer to be closer to each other. Since now your rooms are on opposite sides of the quarters. So, I want to change rooms with James. That way you two have your rooms right next to each other, and don't have to sneak across the Common Room to go have sex or whatever." The couple's faces went scarlet, but they didn't deny the fact that that had happened.

Smiling, Josi continued, "So we were thinking that we could just magic the stuff to switch and all would be settled." James nodded at her, his hand gripping Lily's even as he looked to the left, his chin resting on his other hand that stood upon the arm of the couch. Brett and Josi stood, whispered a few spells, and walked into Josi's room.

Lily glanced out of the corner of her eyes at James. He was still as red as she assumed she was.

Standing up, she tugged on his hand, wandering to his new room. He couldn't help but smile back at her as she opened the door. As the door closed, she pressed her lips to his. And he was lost.

"Peter Pettigrew, what news have you for me?" the voice hissed.

"Ja- James Potter and Li-Lily Evans are engaged," he whispered, stumbling slightly less on his words than he used to. Voldemort looked at him, red eyes burning into his core.

"Engaged eh? Well, let me know the date and location when you know, Peter. There might not be a wedding after all." Nodding his head, before bowing, he closed his eyes. Quickly he scurried away, his heart pounding, hating himself for what he was doing as he returned to school, retreating to the Room of Requirement. But then he saw her face, and all was well.

Her lips were soft against his, her hands burning as she touched him. Soon all betrayal was forgotten as they fell down on the bed the room had provided.

Remus looked at the girl he had been dating since the dance, Kali, her back turned towards him. He was definitely falling for her, and he hoped what he saw in her eyes was the same thing. Silently condemning himself, he tapped her on the shoulder. She whipped around, startled.

"Oh, Remus," she said, her hand over her heart, "It's just you. You scared me for a second there. What's up?" she finished seeing the look in his eyes.

"I have something very important to tell you. Like change-your-life important."

"Did you get some other girl pregnant?" she asked, joking. Seeing his upset expression, she clasped her hands over her mouth, gasping, before she said, "You did?"

"No, no, nothing like that. Nothing at all like that." He glanced around the emptying library, pausing. "I need to tell you where no one else can hear. C'mon." he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side of the room behind a bookshelf. Tapping it in a series of complicated patterns, the shelf finally shimmered away. Too stunned to say anything, she let him pull her into the corridor.

"Remus," she said as he pulled her further into the hallway, "Almost there," he said as he continued to pull her. When they finally reached a door, he dropped her hand and pulled the door open, waving her in before him. Confused she entered the room, seating herself on one of the couches.

Taking the one opposite her, he leaned forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. Curling her legs up underneath her she just stared at him, knowing when he wanted to talk, he would. After a few minutes of silently debating, he just blurted it out.

"I'm a werewolf."


	28. Everything You Want

_After a few minutes of silently debating, he just blurted it out._

_ "I'm a werewolf."_

Kali just looked at him, "And?" she said as if it didn't matter. He let a deep breath escape, the one he had been holding in.

"So you don't care?" she had the audacity to laugh at him before she replied.

"Of course not. Besides, I already figured it out. I mean, I've like you since last year. And I did notice you missed a lot of meals once a month. All around the same time. And I already decided there was a wolf in the Shrieking Shack because it only happened once a month at the full moon. So if you put two and two together, you get Remus is the werewolf haunting the Shrieking Shack. Simple as that," she finished shrugging. He just stared at her for a moment before he moved to sit next to her.

She leaned her body against his, snuggling close as he put his arm around her body. She breathed him in as she whispered, "I don't know why you were so worried. Honestly, I think I would still love you even if you were a Death Eater." He felt her freeze as the words left her lips.

Laughing, he tilted her chin upwards and gently pressed his lips to hers, "I love you too Kali."

Her heart soared. He may have been a werewolf, but he was her werewolf.

"Where you been Moony?" Sirius asked as Remus finally entered their doom room around midnight, "S'not like you to be so late." Smiling brightly, Remus just shrugged, "Got caught up in the library." Sirius sat bolted upright in his bed.

"What did you do Moony? We both know you were in that secret room."

Smiling, Remus said, "I told her what I was. Apparently she already figured it out."

"Okay, now tell me why you're really that happy," Sirius ordered.

"She loves me and I love her. That's why I'm happy Padfoot, that's why."

"Well, that makes everyone but me and Wormtail." Sirius replied moodily.

Peter looked up from his bed and asked, "What happened to that Mandy girl?"

"She started liking another guy. I could tell. Especially since she was almost happy when I dumped her, she was trying to be upset I think. But she likes some Patil guy, and he likes her too," he shrugged, "They fit good together too."

"Well, speak for yourself, Padfoot, I happen to love someone."

"Does he love you back?" Remus teased.

"_She_ does."

"How come we haven't heard about her before, Wormtail?" Sirius asked.

"She doesn't want anyone to know," he replied shrugging, "Says that if anyone knew, they might kill us both." He rolled his eyes at that before continuing, "Thinks Voldemort is gonna kills us both simply because I'm in Gryffindor."

"What house is she in?" Remus asked politely trying to pry information out of him.

"All I can say is that she isn't in Slytherin." He began working on his homework again, signaling the end of the conversation. Pouting Sirius said, "Well, then I guess I'm the only one who hasn't found someone. I think I'm going to wallow in self pity."

He heard Remus chuckle as Peter said, "You do that Padfoot. Have fun."

"Colin?"

"Yeah?" he whispered as he looked across the bed they laid upon in the Room of Requirement.

"Do you ever think that maybe we'll get married? I mean I know we have like a month of school left now, and we're all thinking about our careers if we pass our N.E.W.T.s and such but, do you ever wonder?"  
He reached his hand across the mattress, gently pushing the stray strand of hair from her eyes, resting his hand against her cheek before he replied softly, "More than you can ever imagine. I want to marry you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I need you. But I don't want to rush things because I don't know how you want me to take it. I was going to ask you, right around the same time James asked Lily. I didn't know he was going to ask her. And I figured you wanted to be happy for your friend, you know, let her bask in it for a while.

"I love you, more than words can describe. I want to be your husband. I want to be the one you hold, the one you have kids with."

She heard the words, each one reverberating back in her head: _I want to be your husband_, not I want you to be my wife. _I want to be the one you hold,_ not I want you to be the one I hold. _The one you have kids with_, not the one I have kids with. He wanted to belong to her; it didn't matter if she belonged to him, not at all. As long as he belonged to her, then all would be well.

She smiled at him, tears welling in her eyes when she grasped the hand he held upon her cheek. Ever so softly, she whispered, "Marry me?"

Laughing gently he rolled so his body lay across hers, the heat of her skin searing through him again that night, and reached across to the bedside table. Flicking his wand once, a small box flew out of the pocket of his jeans and hovered right behind him. As it opened he said, "On one condition."

When she raised her eyebrows at him, he continued, "Never take it off." Nodding, her eyes slid back to the box as it finally opened. She gasped as she saw the bright gold band, which three strips ran around, inlaid with rubies on the outer two strips. The middle strip consisted of alternating white and blue diamonds.

Smiling up at him, she reached for his hand, eager to let him slip the ring around her finger.

Lily leaned against her fiancé's shoulder; think the word over and over again in her head. He had proposed a month ago now, and she still felt giddy every time she heard someone say the word. She was his, and he was hers. That's all that really mattered; all a stupid paper was going to do was make it legal. But she didn't need legal, the words were enough.

She felt him yawn through her back. Pulling herself up, she smiled, "Time for bed." Her hand extended out to him, he smiled back at her. Pushing himself to his feet, he swept her up into his arms and carried her bridal style to his bedroom.

"Just practicing," he whispered as she opened her mouth. She laughed and nestled herself into his arms, thanking Merlin, or God, or whoever was out there, for giving her enough sense to really see him. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been before, for pretending to hate him, he was everything a girl could want and more. And he was hers. She still couldn't believe that, that simple little fact.

He had spent years trying to win her over, but she could only see him, only wanted, when she believed he didn't want her anymore. Maybe that was the way it was supposed to work, you want only what you can't have. But with the heart, it seemed, that when you finally get what you could not have before, you seem to appreciate every last second with them, knowing each one could be your last.

"Josi?" she heard his voice at her door as she was writing him about her troubles with her friends getting together and feeling left in the dust seeing as she still didn't have the man she loved. Fact was, the night before she got the first letter was the last night she had stayed with him.

"Hmm?" she replied not looking at her as reread what she had written. He was still standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with arms crossed over his chest as he said, "You can stop pretending, you know."

"Pretending what?" she asked, eyes still scouring the letter.

"That you aren't the one writing me the letters." She swiveled around in her chair, completely shocked.

"How in the world did you figure it out?"

"Simple, each time the writing was different, so I cast a spell on them to the owner's true hand. Turns out, I saw yours. Came as quite a surprise until I really thought about it. The owl must have first gone to my room. And you were there so you opened it. You went to your room that night. I walked in and you left my room. I was stupid to have not figured it out before."

"No, no," she said shaking her head as she stood, "You aren't stupid. I didn't want you to know; I wanted you to have what you needed. And everything I wrote was true. I just, I just,"

"Just what Josi? Wanted to lie to me? Wanted to be fake? Wanted to laugh in my face?"

"Now you stop right there mister. I will NEVER use something against you and laugh in your face about it, I will RARELY lie to you and you know damn well I can't stand being fake. I don't know who the HELL put those thoughts in your head, but whoever they are is screwed up. And if you can't see that, then maybe you should just go." She whipped back around, grabbed the paper and started shredding it with her fingers. When the pile seemed satisfactory, she took out her wand and levitated it to the torch lamp beside her bed.

"Why did you say you will rarely lie to me?" he whispered as he watched the pile hover above the unlit holder.

"Because sometimes you have to lie. Sometimes, it's too important and you have to lie to keep the people you love safe." She felt him move closer, and unable to hold her anger any longer, she let the pile drop onto her bedside table, turned and walked into his open arms as the letter repaired itself.

"Were the letters important enough to lie to me in?"

"I told you," she said into his shoulder, "I didn't lie in those letters. Not once. Volpes means fox in Latin. I'm a fox."

Rubbing his hands in circles on her back he remained silent. If only for a moment. He could barely make the words leave his lips, the sound vibrate through the air, "Who were you talking about?"

"You," she whispered after a pause, "And who were you talking about?"

"You already know that."

"Just say it Brett, I need to hear it."

"You."

"Good," she whispered before she pulled back, letting him arms come to rest at her hips, "Good," she mumbled again before gently pressing her lips against his.


	29. Move Along

Brett couldn't help but smile as he woke to her gently touching his cheek. He grabbed her hand and pulled it to his lips, kissing each finger softly. She smiled back at him, joy evident in her eyes.

Smiles graced the faces of everyone they saw as the two meandered down to the Great Hall. Josi laughed when Sirius jumped form his seat and yelled, "I knew it!" pointing his finger at the happy couple before turning back towards James and saying, "Pay up," his hand stuck out in front of him. Brett seemed to be embarrassed at his friend's behavior but laughed none the less.

Lily and Ashley instantly bombarded Josi with questions as the two joined the group.

"When did this happen?"

"Why didn't you tell us before?"

"What happened?"

"Did you finally kiss?" and so on and so forth, to which Josi always answered, "That's for us to know and you to not."

And yet the questions continued as they all walked to Transfiguration, though how there were still more questions, none but the two asking could have answered. None but the two who would not stop talking could have answered.

"_What_ are you two going on about?" McGonagall asked in the middle of class as she got tired of the whispers in the back of her class room. The whispers coming from her best students.

Not really paying attention, Ashley said, "Josi won't tell us anything about her and Brett, they got together and that's all we know. I'm sick of it. You better tell us _something_." Everyone looked at her in surprise, Lily more than the others.

"Excuse me?" McGonagall replied, fury evident on her face, "You are disrupting my class just because your friend won't elaborate on a relationship? My word!" there was a short pause before she, suddenly, laughed, throwing her hands up in the air, "Well, go on then, Miss Lillion, tell all. And while you're at it, maybe something fake to keep her occupied a while, will you?"

Everyone stared at their Professor with the utmost horror upon their faces, none more so than Josi and Brett, this was their relationship after all. But, Professor McGonagall just laughed again before sighing sadly, "Well, I must give you detentions tonight, it is unacceptable to talk during a lesson unless directed otherwise. 20 points from Gryffindor and see me after class for your detentions Miss Evans and Miss Washington. Now, back to what I was saying…"

Josi couldn't help but thank Merlin for her teacher returning to the front of the class. Lily was totally shocked and so kept her mouth shut for the remainder of the class. Ashley just smiled smugly to herself, knowing that she would figure it all out eventually. Hopefully.

"I still can't believe we got detentions," Lily complained as the two slowly made their way back to Professor McGonagall's class room, to help grade papers. Such a drag.

"Well, if Josi would have told us then we wouldn't have gotten detention," Ashley surmised. But Lily shook her head and replied gently, "But it is her relationship, shouldn't they be allowed to keep that to themselves? I mean we never told her how we each started our relationships, so why should she? Ours should make her more curious, because we have such different situations. Hers was inevitable, we all saw it coming. And besides," she continued as she opened the door to the classroom, "it's not her fault we can't help but want to divulge every secret and so we were talking in class.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ashley mumbled as they sat down and awaited their detention.

"So," James began as he tossed a ball into the air, lounging on his old bed in the boys' dorms, "are you going to elaborate, or do we get no details?"

Laughing Brett said, "Well, I'm not sure she'll let me," his arms wrapped around her body as they sat in the window seat.

"Go ahead, I really don't care, I just wanted to tick Lily and Ashley off, but I was gonna tell them tonight anyways, but then they went and got themselves detention. So I guess I'll have to tell them tomorrow."

Sirius couldn't help but smile at her, glad he had given her up so many long months ago. Her eyes were a bright blue, shining with bliss, and her body seemed so much softer, as if a burden had been lifted from it. His eyes moved to look at the man whose arms wrapped around her. The man, her best friend for so long, seemed so elated to have her in his arms, which every so often constricted slightly as if to reassure himself that she was still there. That this wasn't a dream: this was real.

He barely heard the quick rundown of the previous night that had led to this unreality for the man. He couldn't help but wish he had this unreality. He wanted it so much, but could never seem to find, the way the rest of his friends had. And yet, he couldn't seem to resent them for it, he was happy for them.

Remus looked at the two lounging on the window seat, her situated between his legs and using his chest as a back. His arms were wrapped protectively, lovingly around her waist, hugging her to him. He couldn't help but wish that Kali, the woman he loved, was sitting with him, that he could hold her the way Brett was holding his love.

He knew that they wouldn't get every detail, hell, he didn't want every detail. He couldn't help but think it didn't matter how they got together, all that mattered was that they had gotten together. Some might have said it was inevitable. But it wasn't, they could have danced around each other for years without one ever making a new move.

James smiled as the words buzzed in his ears. Sure, he had been the one to ask, but it didn't really matter to him. He liked watching her face as she heard his voice, she seemed so much better than before. Her lips were curved in a soft smile as his arms tightened so slightly around her every now and then as he wove the words.

His eyes shifted to the face of the man speaking, and he couldn't help his envy. These two had something together, something he wished so desperately to have with his Lily. Yes, he was going to marry Lily and she was going to marry him. But the connection wasn't nearly as deep, she had hated him for years. It had taken a deadly battle to unite them. And these two only had each other. That was what had brought them together, what would keep them together. That was the only way, he knew, his relationship with Lily would succeed, if they believed that they would always and forever have each other. Nothing else in the world would hold them tighter than that.

Peter was watching the couple, his arms crossed over his chest, a smug smile across his lips. A smile he couldn't seem to conceal. Soon, he thought, it wouldn't matter their happiness now. No, soon they would be dead, exactly as the Dark Lord wished it. Only now, now the two would suffer more. More for their love of each other, than they would have of being simply what they were: an all powerful (Seemingly) Mudblood, and a Muggle-loving powerful witch that would not join the power cause. They would not seek power: they would not survive this.

He couldn't help but think of finally giving them to the Dark Lord, of the benefits he would have for not only handing them over, but for telling of an easy way to make them suffer the most. Their stupid love for each other.

Gently shaking Josi awake, Brett whispered in her ear, "We should head back to our rooms." Nodding softly, she leaned forward so he could move from behind her. Too tired to actually walk the whole way, she stretched her arms up to him, inviting him to carry her back. Chuckling softly, he swept her into his arms, called goodnight to his dozing friends, and carried her to his room.

He flicked his wand to change them into their pajamas before laying her down on the mattress. Smiling delightedly as he watched her sleeping, he gently lay on the bed himself. The moment he lay down, she curled her body into his, laying her head on his shoulder as his arm somehow came beneath her body.

The next evening Josi told, in sparingly great detail, what had occurred between her and Brett to Lily and Ashley, who squealed delightedly quite often. And the weeks wore on, each preparing for N.E.W.T.s exhaustingly. And only Sirius spent every night alone as Peter would often visit his Ashley late at night.

And although the N.E.W.T.s were extremely difficult, they all knew they had passed those classes that were simply necessary, and they spent their free time with each other, waiting for their graduation, dreading as much as praying for its coming.

Everyday the news grew exceedingly worse, deaths scribbled all across the Daily Prophet, so much that the printed words began to loose their meanings. Losses no longer existed to the friends, as most all who could have been lost, out in the world, already had been lost. The world seemed to have already lost its hatred for this small group of friends. But lost hatred can be found again, simply for a small reason that seemed so simple, so inadequate a reason to renew an old hate.

That simple reason, you ask, what was it? It is simple: they were entering the world anew.

They would find death and destruction seemed to return, as they had known it would. It would be hard, as people who had lost so much to this war, but they would succeed. The whole of them had joined the Order of the Phoenix, to do the most they could against this world. A world which they hoped to save.

Each knew that lives would be lost among them, and each knew it would hurt, but they couldn't help but imagine who would leave them for forever. But, hopefully, life would go on and they would start families, and continue to love each other for the rest of forever. And if they were the ones to be held in that oblivion, then the most they could do, to wait for all those they loved in this life, would be done.

They would never fully leave each other, for they were bonded for life no longer as friends, for that was an understatement for what they had, but as a family, because they were all the others had as one.

Sometimes they would delve into memories of all those that they had lost, whether because of death or choice, and smile at some, often finding that life was better, happier, when death was present. For death made them realize how precious life was, how much good life should be. And although the only ones who had loved their family for simple want to love had lost their family, those who had given up their family soon found a refuge in the fact that theirs was still living, no matter how much pain they had caused.

Mr. Potter, the man whom they all had adored, had died just days before graduation from a cancer that had come so suddenly into his life there was no chance of survival. They had all cried, devastated at the loss of such a man. But though times were hard, though times were definitely not what they wanted, they tried to think only of the goodness that they were fighting for, this goodness that they knew was out there.

Somewhere.

"Breathe Lily, breathe," James whispered in her ear as they walked onto the stage to receive their diplomas. Today was their last day at Hogwarts, tonight their last night. And tomorrow, tomorrow they finally say goodbye to this place where confusion and chaos had become enlightenment and energy, where hatred became love and love became the one thing they depended upon. The one thing they _could_.

Taking a deep breath she stepped onto the stage, followed by Josi and James, gently pressing Brett in the back to let him know she was ready. It seemed to take forever to reach the row of teachers, where they would give short speeches if they felt the courage to. Lily couldn't seem to hold herself together enough so she let Josi and James make the speeches, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Today, for some of us, couldn't come fast enough. And I include myself in that," Josi began, "But for others, you don't want to leave any more. No matter how long you've been here, the few shorts months I have, or the many years for most of you. It doesn't matter; this place has become the home you can always rely on being. We've all lost so much to this war, and Hogwarts is the only place we know that is safe.

"The place I had called home wasn't safe from Voldemort, death hangs over the walls as a permanent fixture, blood seeped into the ground. Many of you have your blood seeped into that defiled piece of land. You have fought in this war we are throwing ourselves back into. And we can't help but think, is it worth it? Is it really?

"Look around you, see the smiling faces, see the tears that are rolling down near every face, and tell me it isn't. If we don't fight, many of us won't last, all of this life we show today, five years from now, won't exist.

"Come back here, if we let ourselves fall to Voldemort, and you won't see life, you'll only see death. Worse than we are today.

"And yes, I know many of you are wondering what kind of graduation speech this is. When you think of a graduation speech, you think of cheery, Yay, go us speech. So, yes, go us, we have finally succeeded in finishing school. But school is over with and I think that we all need to be prepared for is coming, rather than what has gone. We all know we have done it, we have won. But I'm hoping that we aren't satisfied with winning only a small piece of paper. I'm hoping that we can win this war, and in turn, win the future we have worked so long for, we have prepared for. If we can't win that, then what was the point of us even coming to win this piece of paper?"

And with that, she moved away from the podium to sit in her chair on the ground, followed by Brett and Lily. James stood frozen on the stage, as the audience sat frozen. And then, as if her words had finally hit them, everyone stood and cheered, thunderous applause echoing across the grounds.

After a minute or so, Dumbledore cleared his throat and the noise slowly died down. James took a deep breath before moving to where Josi had stood moments ago, her words still ringing in his own ears.

"Ok, I'm not sure I can compare with that, but I'll try. Josi is wonderful with words, where as I'm good with only pranks. She can do those too. I guess that's one of the reasons women are so much better than us, guys. So just admit it now, they are better, always will be, and it will be much easier on us if we can admit it. Merlin, this is odd.

"Here we are, all ready for the world that we _should_ live in and I can't help but think she's right, we aren't prepared for the world we _do_ live in. yeah, we know how to fight, the most basic fights. We only know the good fighting ways, where as the people out there fight dirty. But the again, evil isn't more powerful, just easier to use.

"Me, I really don't think I'm ready to be in the world, but I'm throwing myself into it anyways. I am grateful though, that I don't have to do it alone. I have my friends, people that are my family. I'm sure most of you know what it's like to have only your friends as family. And I guess what I'm trying to say is, hold onto them, keep them close. Cuz, really, if you don't, you'll only suffer the more.

"It will be hard to survive through this war, but as along as you can hold onto the people that mean the most to you, you can get through this, you can get married someday, have beautiful children, and hopefully, by the time they're ready to live in this home of ours, the war will be over. They can grow up happy and loved, and with fewer deaths to darken their hearts. So, smile at your friends, keep going, and live life. Don't be afraid to fall in love, don't be afraid to raise children, eventually, and most of all, don't forget this home we all shared."

Applause greeted the end of his speech as he stumbled his way off the stage. And the ceremony continued, each person receiving their diploma, and laughing when Sirius shouted "Don't forget us Marauders!" as he waltzed across the stage.

The night was spent partying for those who were finally leaving and the train ride spent reminiscing on the better moments of the time spent there. Tears were shed, of laughter, of pain, and of happiness throughout both the evening and the ride.

And as they group left the platform, they moved aimlessly, not really sure of what to do. They were all going to James' house, the one his father had left him, but they didn't want to go just yet. They lingered on every step they moved, pausing at every doorway, scared as to what lay ahead in their lives, but knowing, in the end, it would all come down to one more death.


	30. Dark That Follows

"Breathe you two, just breathe. It's not like those men standing out there are going to run away. I should be the one freaked out; I'm the maid of honor for two weddings at the same time."

"Yes, you're right Josi, of course you are but just, just, I can hardly breathe. I mean, if you told me a year ago…"

"But this isn't a year ago Lily, nor will it ever be again. Besides, look at Ashley, she hasn't even know her future husband a year."

Ashley nodded as she looked at her face in the mirror again. Josi shook her head and waved her wand a few times, just as she had at the dance over six months ago. Today was July 1st; her two close friends were getting married. Brett would escort Ashley, as Colin's best man, and Sirius would escort Lily, as James' best man. Josi would walk with Peter, following Remus and his girl, Kali.

Kali who just came swooping in with the wedding dresses, a big smile plastered on her face. Grabbing her own wand, she flicked a few times and the brides were fixed, almost to perfection. And then the music started.

First Kali and Remus, then Josi and Peter, followed by Lily and Sirius. Ashley and Brett followed slowly behind, him whispering in her ear, as if to tell her how she shouldn't be nervous. Colin was the man she loved totally and completely.

Vows were exchanged, the people in the audience very few. All the teachers were there, but not any other order member, to keep Voldemort from knowing who all was in the Order. So by all means, the crowd was hardly but the reception was absolutely beautiful.

And the day went off without a hitch. Atleast so they thought.

Brett and Josi both knew what Peter was, a traitor, but they had yet to know whether he had joined, or when he would. So they could only watch him, and he acted as any friend would at another's wedding day.

So they assumed he was still good. No matter how much they were wrong. The night had gone with Peter soon to tell the Dark Lord all, desperate for his Ashley, knowing now there would be less of her simply because she was married to Colin. No matter how much she truly loved him, this was her assignment from the Dark Lord, and though it would hurt, they would suffer with the knowledge that it was for a reason. A reason that actually meant something. They needed to get information and if that's what it took to get all the information, then that was what had to be done.

James and Lily left for their honeymoon, and Ashley and Colin for their own as well, headed to the Caribbean and México, respectively. Remus stayed with Kali, a girl who still had another year of schooling left. Lying next to her, he gently brushed the stay hairs from her eyes.

"When do your parents expect you home?" he asked quietly, unwilling to have her leave him so soon again.

"Tomorrow evening," she answered just as quietly, pausing slightly, hesitating, and he asked, "What?" a little worriedly.

"It's just that, well I'm not sure if I should go back and finish my seventh year. I mean, sure there is some that I don't know, but I could survive out here in the world. I mean, surely I could right?"

"I have a better idea, let's get married. And then you can live with me, and we'll survive together, and…" he never got to finish what he was saying as the roof above their heads collapsed. Trying to breathe through the gathering dust, he pushed away pieces covering his body, all the while calling her name. He saw her body, covered in blood with little white pieces protruding from the skin.

Then he heard the Death Eater laugh, a cruel, maniacal laugh. Pain screaming in every part of his body, he reached across the mess surrounding both his and his lover's bodies, to find a pulse.

None.

Screaming in agony at the loss of her, he exploded from the remnants of the roof, cascading into the villain. Pummeling the man with his hands, he could only hear the screams in the distant. Her face, so beautiful, flooded his eyes and a moment later, the crazy thing she was now replaced his beauty.

His fists no longer enough, he sprung from the mutilated body, the man cowering under his glare as he reached for his wand. And then, the bastard was gone.

He looked back to the woman he loved, not sure how he was to tell her parents what happened to her, not sure how he was to tell his friends what had happened to her. Not sure in the slightest _himself_ how it happened.

Collapsing, he felt the wetness run down his cheek and rubbing his fingers down it, not totally sure what it was, his pulled the fingers away, covered in a light pink color.

Blood and tears.

Josi Appaperated straight into the apartment, Brett a split second behind her, both calling Remus' name.

His sobs were enough to tell her where he was, the bedroom. He was still naked as she ran into the room. A mess was spread before them, and it seemed to hold his attention. Or atleast a part of it. She saw the body lying beneath the mess and cringed mentally. This was not supposed to happen. Not after their friends had just been married.

When she turned around, Brett was helping a now clothed Remus to his feet. She assumed Brett had magicked the clean clothing onto him. She said, "Just get him out Brett; I'll take care of this."

He nodded and Remus flipped.

"No, no, you aren't going to care of '_this'_. She isn't a '_**this'**_!" he screamed, clawing at Brett who held him tightly, afraid the man would hurt Josi.

"Remus," she said soothingly, "I'm going to take care of her, I promise and then I'll clean up this mess. The mess is what I meant. I know she isn't a this or a that, she is Kali. She is. I promise, just, just go with Brett and please Remus!" her voice was slightly pitched. He nodded, seeing nothing ahead of him, Josi's distressed voice somehow calming him. Somehow, he knew, he needed to calm down, especially if she was freaked. She was never freaked.

He felt Brett nod behind him, but he didn't know what for. And then the world was closing tightly in on him, blackness swallowing him whole.

When he opened his eyes, he saw the flat that Josi and Brett had been living in. he collapsed onto the couch beside him, exhausted.

Brett draped a blanket over his friend, unsure of what to do. Should he stay or should he go help? But it didn't matter, as he heard the _crack_ of someone Appaperating into his kitchen.

"James?" Lily Potter began tentatively as they lay in bed.

"Hmm?" he replied as he softly trailed his finger down her face.

"Do you- do you get the feeling something's wrong?" he looked at her concerned; he hadn't thought that she had felt it. He thought that he was just imagining things. Slowly, he nodded to her. Something was definitely wrong; he felt it in his chest.

"Can we- Can we go back and figure it out. I, I don't think I could handle it for another few days. It's just- it's bad."

"Lily, love, I completely agree. C'mon." he said as he started from the bed. Smiling slightly, she followed, grabbing her wand from the bedside table in the process. She flicked it a few times to dress them. Then he wrapped his arms around her and she felt the suffocating feeling of Appaperating and the ability to breathe better being in his arms at the same time. It was weird a strange combination she was all too willing to have for the rest of her life.

"Josi? Brett?" Brett heard as he continued to the kitchen where he had heard the sound of someone Appaperating.

"Coming Lils. Well, I am. Josi, she-," he was in the kitchen now, "she's cleaning up."

"Cleaning up what?" James asked.

"Remus,"

"What happened to Remus?!" Lily interrupted.

"Let him finish. What about Remus?" James asked, a slight edge to his voice.

"He's in the living room. No, he needs to rest. Peacefully."

"What happened Brett?" James asked as he paused.

"Kali was killed."

"No," Lily gasped as she brought her hands to her face. James pulled her tight against his side.

Brett nodded, "It was a Death Eater. We both felt something was wrong. We went to go ask Remus if he, if he knew what it was. When we Appaperated into the living, we heard him screaming.

"He was covered in blood, most of it Kali's and the Death Eater's. The roof had collapsed. It was obvious, and Kali got the full brunt of it. And Josi had me take him back here. She was cleaning everything up. I don't, I don't," he couldn't seem to say anymore so Lily stepped from her place beside James and laid her hand on his shoulder.

"Go to her. Help her," she whispered. Somehow, she knew he needed her by his side. Maybe it was because he needed her comfort, maybe because he wanted to protect her, maybe something else. It didn't matter. He needed to be by her right then.

He Appaperated away and James whispered, "Do we get Ashley and Colin? I can go get Padfoot now. And Peter, I can get him too. Yes, I'll go get them, but what about Ashley and Colin?"

"Go get the boys, we can talk about getting Ash and Colin when they get here. I'll stay with Remus for now." James nodded and Appaperated away.

Tonight, tonight had been a special night. Definitely not a good special, the way it should have been but special nonetheless. Lily couldn't help but hope tomorrow would be better. She couldn't help but hope.


	31. One Step Closer

The next day was hard on everyone. Josi spent the day shut up in hers and Brett's bedroom, either alone or talking to Remus. She didn't talk to anyone else. Remus was quiet; it seemed that shock had finally taken control, the pain frozen for the moment.

Brett was trying hard to keep himself together. Really, really hard. His only comfort didn't talk to him, wouldn't even look at him, and he couldn't find it in anyone else, no matter the silent offers.

Lily was hanging onto James, as she tried to breathe through all the pain. When they had contacted Ashley and Colin, it seemed that they were bearers of bad news too. Gideon and Fabian Prewett were killed, along with a few others, in a battle last night in a forest somewhere. The larger details hadn't been shared. But that didn't matter. So many people slaughtered on a day that should have been good.

Sirius had been shocked into silence, and Peter had soon left, seemingly unable to bear being around everyone. That wasn't new, in very troubled moments, he always left. That's why, they had assumed, he was a rat, a coward in the face of horrendous pain.

But wasn't everyone?

The next few weeks were hard on everyone. But the days were passing and the pain was lessening. Josi felt soon she would be numb from the constancy of it. She was still distant from Brett, had spent most nights in the spare bedroom, unable to be so near him for so long.

He didn't know she was scared he thought her weak, now that he had finally seen her in pain for someone else. But he didn't say anything, holding his own pain close to his heart, as he watched her pull farther away from him each day.

Colin and Ashley had been delighted to find that she was with child. A beautiful baby girl was expected. Peter was desperate in hoping it was his. Surely his love wouldn't carry that man's child when she so dearly loved him?

Sirius, he was pulling ahead faster than anyone, desperate to help his friend. Remus, Remus who was halfway dead inside. The silly antics of Sirius were slowly helping him heal. A part of him, he assumed, would always feel dead. She had been part of him, and now, now she was dead, gone.

But atleast he could say it now. He could put voice behind the words that still stung. But each day, as he crawled into the cold bed she should have been sharing with him for a long time, he whispered the words into the dark. Telling himself that she was gone helped him to fall asleep. He didn't know why, but that was the way it was.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?" he asked as he turned around in his seat at Headquarters.

"Um, I wanted to know if maybe, you would, maybe, like to have coffee sometime?" the words were bouncing off his skull. He didn't think she had been thinking about him. She seemed too focused on her Healing job and all her work for the Order. Yet here she was, asking him for coffee. Smiling lightly, he replied, "How about hot cocoa? Me and coffee don't mix."

She laughed even as she nodded. Merlin, she had a beautiful laugh. She smiled at him, and said, "How about Thursday. I'm off from work and so far, no Order duty."

"Sounds good to me, early morning? Or would you prefer evening?"

"Morning works for me." She paused before saying lightly, "I didn't think you would get up early. You seem kind of the night owl. But no matter, surprises are around every corner lately. I didn't mean that to sound as bad as it did. I mean surprises are good. Well not all of them but… I'm going to stop digging now." He laughed at her and said, "You sure? I found that pretty entertaining."

"Yes, well, I'll see you around then. And of course on Thursday. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Angela."

"_Padfoot_!"

Sirius nearly jumped as he heard Brett calling him from the mirror. Scrambling to reach it he spilled his butterbeer all over himself.

"Crap," he whispered as he finally grabbed the mirror, using one hand to wipe the wet off his pants.

"I need you to come over. Now. Please." Nodding at the face, Sirius dried his pants with his wand.

"Where are you?"

"My flat. Please hurry." And then the face was gone.

"Brett, calm down."

"I can't, I really really can't." he ran his hands through his hair, pushing the air out of his lungs through slit lips.

"Please?" she whispered as she touched his arm, the first time she'd touched him in weeks. It still brought the same comfort, if not more.

"But my parents, they, they just disappeared. My brothers said that everything was left to me. And I'm _not_ allowed to panic?"

"You can panic, just not now. Not until we get there. We'll ask Sirius or someone to watch the place. What I don't understand," she paused before continuing, her hand still on his arm, "What I don't understand is why you're going to tell them now."

"I have to. I might not make it back."

"You are going to come back Brett. If you don't, I won't, and I don't think they could handle that. Not so soon, hell maybe not ever."

"I know."

They heard five successive _cracks_ as all their friends Appaperated into the living room.

"What's going on?" Ashley demanded as she stepped out of Colin's embrace.

Josi glanced at Brett's face, hoping he could hold himself together for the moment.

"We are leaving back to the States for a little bit. We don't know for how long, it could be a few days, it could be a few months. But we will be back. However, Brett, Brett decided now would be the best time to tell everyone."

"Tell everyone _what_ exactly?" James asked.

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." Josi repeated. She nodded to Brett as she motioned for everyone to sit down with her free hand. He took a deep breath as they all sat down. He began:

"So everyone here knows that I'm a strange sort of seer. That I see what can change, not what is destined to happen. And I remember it. You know that my name is Brett DeGeorge. You know that I went to Falcon School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. You know that I lived in the States until that battle. You know that I'm in the Order of the Phoenix and I'm working to become a Professor, to work with Dumbledore at Hogwarts."

"Why are you telling us what we know about Brett? We already know that we know that stuff. What's the point?" Lily asked.

He continued as if she hadn't interrupted: "You know that I haven't told you everything about me, that I haven't always explained myself. But you figure that I had a reason, and I do. A really really good one, I promise.

"I've lied to you." all his friends pulled back as he whispered this devastating statement. Josi seemed to move closer to him as her hand slipped into his.

"I'm a pure blood. I had a blood curse, the one that the fake Ashley was talking about. What that was, it really doesn't matter. My grandmother had cursed my grandfather with it before she was even pregnant with my mother. Look, there is a point to all my lies. It's to protect not only me but the people I love. James, I told you this last year." James nodded silently, still too shocked to speak.

"My parents, they're bad people. Horrendous people. I wouldn't be surprised if they were working with Voldemort. I am very distantly related to both Gryffindor and Slytherin. My grandmother was related to Slytherin and my grandfather was related to Gryffindor. That's why she cursed him. And then they fell in love and that's not really the point.

"The point is, is that my weird seeing power comes from the Gryffindor side. His daughter had it. That's all I know about that. She also had many other extra powers which I don't think I have so they aren't important. But anyways, back to the point.

"My mother took after her mother, a very bad person. My brothers are too. My father, he's," he took a deep breath, "He's a, well there isn't really a good word for him. The best I can think of is that he's the biggest bastard that side of the big pond." Josi squeezed his hand to tell him he didn't have to say that part, the worst part for him.

"The reason I became an Animagus is mainly him. I needed an escape from him, from my family. But another reason was because Dumbledore told me it would help disguise my seeing ability. Yes, I've know Dumbledore since I was about seven. He sought me out. I still don't know why.

"Honestly, I've stopped wondering about that. He told me that I needed to keep myself hidden. And when I started school, he created that fake identity for me. The only person I've ever told before, about any of this, is Josi. But I needed you to know. I'm tired of lying, to anyone. And you guys are my family, you are the people that I love." Josi squeezed his hand again. He seemed to fall back into himself, and she finished explaining.

"We have to go back to that States because his parents have gone missing. For some reason they left him everything and we have to go sort out the details." Everyone nodded silently before Sirius asked, "What are _you_ lying to us about?"

"Nothing. You know I didn't have the greatest family, you know I'm also pureblooded. You never asked my lineage, but just so you know, I'm related to Ravenclaw and the Potters. Yes, James, we're cousins. Very, very, distant cousins mind you, but cousins nonetheless. Now, I'm sorry we had to lie to you, but now you know the full truth. We have to go soon, and if we come back and you still don't get it, or you hate us, then so be it. I can try to explain it better, later, if that's what you want."

"No, wait. One more thing." He took a shuddering breath and she nodded to him again, "The reason I didn't tell when I first realized that you guys are my family, are the most important people in my life, is because of something else as well.

"Dumbledore asked me and Josi to see if we thought any of you guys were working with Voldemort," no one noticed Peter sinking away from them, "Because he thinks that if someone isn't now, they will be soon. He couldn't figure out who," he wasn't going to tell them about Peter, he wasn't going to say the words. Josi finished abruptly for him, "That was our job. We think he's really gone mad. We know that none of you would ever, in a million years, head for his house." Except you, Peter.

And then she turned away and pulled Brett into their bedroom, to pack they assumed. The seven friends just stared at each other, minds scrambling to put everything together.

They had been lied to, by people who they cared deeply about. Would the strength of family overcome the bone deep pain of the lies? Only time would tell.

Josi and Brett heard the _cracks_ as their friends finally left. He turned his head to her, his face devoid of emotion.

"So you decided you were going to talk to me again?" his voice was harsh. She simply nodded, a somewhat contradiction in itself.

"Well, since you decided to do that, could you, oh I don't know, explain _why_ you weren't talking to me in the first place?" he cracked and she could see the pain in his voice, and she fell into his arms as she whispered, "I didn't think you would want me anymore. I mean, look at what happened, and then you were so cold to me when you came back to help me. So cold when I cried on your shoulder. So stiff, I thought you were going to pull away from me and I couldn't have handled that."

"Do it first and it don't hurt?" he questioned, almost quoting something he had said along time ago. She nodded before saying, "You were wrong though. It still hurts, so very very much." He just held her closer to him, realizing that his younger stupidity had almost caused him to lose her.

"I couldn't stand losing you. I couldn't hardly breathe if I lost you; I doubt I would be able to live without you, Josi. You mean everything to me. Everything." He stumbled, knowing what he had to say, had to tell her. He wasn't going to be stupid about her any longer; he wasn't going to say stupid things that might make her leave him. Not any more and so he said it. Said those few words that cut him to the core, showed her everything, in the hopes that she would say it back, she would feel it back. Somehow the words were needed, silent gestures, loving gestures of any kind, were no longer enough. Not now.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.


	32. Feels Like Tonight

It was Halloween evening, and Lily couldn't sit still. She had long forgiven Josi and Brett, and now, Josi was dead and Brett was devastated. She had died during child birth, the same night Harry had been born. She would have had a little girl.

Brett wouldn't even let anyone in to see her. The funeral was a closed casket and he had left for the States. She hadn't seen him since. And he had whispered to her as he hugged her for the last time, "There is a traitor. I had said there wasn't to give him comfort."

She remembered the surprise of it, so sudden and abrupt as he left them. A week later, Ashley, Colin, and their little girl Antonia were killed. Antonia had been burned alive they discovered while Colin and Ashley were tortured before their throats slit. An all together Muggle killing. It hadn't made sense. But now, now it didn't matter.

Sirius had leaned on a woman she had the privilege of working with for the Order on numerous occasions. Angela. He still had her. She had found out she was pregnant last week.

Sirius had asked her to marry him twice before but she said it wasn't the right time. Apparently it still wasn't. But he was going to help raise his child, he had insisted upon that.

_DONG_!

She jumped as the clock struck nine. It was amazing, she thought, that Harry hadn't woken up since she out him down at seven. Too much loud noise. Or maybe it was just her. She was hyper aware of everything.

Much like she had been when they told her Harry might not make it. Seven grueling hours of labor and they said mournfully, "There's something wrong. He might not live much longer." But her son had pulled through. He was a tough little guy.

"Lily?" she whipped around so fast she nearly tumbled over as she heard her husband of nearly three years call her name.

"James, you scared me," she whispered as she laid her hand across her chest.

"Sorry love. What's wrong?" he demanded softly as his fingers grazed her cheek.

"I just, it, it doesn't feel right. Not tonight. Maybe I'm just being paranoid." Oh Merlin, she still hadn't told him. There really was a traitor, but she didn't know who. She really didn't. And she desperately needed to.

Was it Sirius, the man she had named Godfather to her son without even consulting James. Even though he had most heartily agreed. Was it Remus, the man she had sworn to keep secrets for? The man James had risked Azkaban for? Or was it Peter? The man they were trusting their lives with? Not to mention that beautiful baby boy sleeping softly above their heads.

"James there's something have to tell you," she sighed as she leaned into his chest.

"What?" he turned his head, "Did you hear that?"

She nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Tell me after I check it out."

"No, no James, please!" the tears were rolling down her face as she gripped his shirt desperately.

He gripped her hands and looked her in the eyes, "What is it, love?"

"There really is a traitor. Brett said, he said that it was because, to draw him out, make him think he's safe. He didn't know who it was. He really truly didn't. but there is. And I think, I think its Peter."

After she started, she couldn't stop. The word just rolled off her tongue. It was too late to take it back now.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier, but i-I, it just was the right time . I don't know why I said it is Peter. It couldn't possibly be, could it?"

"No, you know exactly why you said It." they heard the front door fly open, "But it's already too late. Go, get Harry out of here."

And then he was gone. She heard murmurs of words, that cackling laughter before a hard slump against the floor. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks as she reached her child's sleeping room. Then he was on the stairs and she didn't have her wand. She couldn't take off the Non-Appaperating spell. Even if she could have remembered it.

"No, not my son," she whispered as she lay him gently back into his crib.

The door flew open and she stifled a scream. Her husband was dead, so many of her friends dead, her family dead. She wasn't going to let this man take her child from her as well.

"Give me the boy and I'll let you live. Give me the boy."

"No, not my son. Not my son," she breathed as the tears continued their own waterfall on her face.

"Give me the boy and you'll live. This is you final chance Mudblood."

"NO! Not my son!"

"That boy. Now move Mudblood."

"I won't let you hurt my son!"

"Filth. _Avada_ _Kedavra_!"

Voldemort watched her body fall limply to the floor. He wanted to laugh, so he did. He replayed the scene with James Potter in his head as he stepped closer to the door.

He could have had everything, been so powerful. Instead he chose the weak side. He chose to raise a child that was not even his own. Nor his wife's. Atleast that was what his information had said.

"Potter," he had cackled.

"Voldemort."

"So here you stand, ready to die for that pathetic child. And that Mudblood too. Why? You could have had so much power, become something great."

"Because I love them. He is not pathetic, you are! And she isn't a Mudblood. She got more magic and purity in her than you could ever dream of having!" and then he had killed him. A Mudblood was nothing close to him, Voldemort, no matter what that stupid man had said.

Voldemort hovered over the boy. Softly touching his face he said, "You could have been great. Your fathers were great fools."

And then he tried to kill the most powerful child to ever come into existence. Tried and failed. He would 'die' and think of how he would exact his revenge on the child. The child and his blood father.


End file.
